Any info will help

Posted , 9 users are following.

My wife is in perimenopause and it is straining our relationship. I noticed my wife was"not her self" for a while and she finally came out and said she was not feeling the same way towards me. She said we are no longer compatible and don't share the same interests. I understand that I have short comings but since this has happened I have done research and have noticed she has at least 6 symptoms of peri. Her mother also has concerns and said she went through it at the same age. I will fight for her til the end but my concerns are IF THIS IS HORMONAL will her feelings ease when she is through this. I love her and am committed til the end.

2 likes, 9 replies

Report / Delete

9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Richard,

    I know I make life difficult for my husband at times and my moods can be a challenge for me and him however I have never said I do not want to be with him. I may not like him some days and vice Versa but I love him everyday. Not sure if these things are related but some of the other ladies may have a different prospective or experience that could give you more guidance - Good luck to you in your search for answers here and in you marriage.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    U r a great person i believe her feelings will come bak cause it happens to me one day am epressed an wanna b alone d nx i need attention...lol..cheer up all will b well an its great to knw a guy is interested on. Helpin his wife trying to understand ...bless u
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Richard

    First thank you for being the person you are and trying to understand all of this!!! It's hard for a man to understand since your not going thru it my best description is it's like puberty and pregnancy mixed together and trust me it sucks the thing is we have no control over our bodies and they go haywire I would try to talk to her maybe she doesn't realize that she is even going thru this! There are so many symptoms that we can deal with some women have no problems others it's to the extreme I had to explain in great detail to my husband to help him to understand which he does thank god but not all men do I appreciate you coming here asking for advice it says a lot about the kind of person you are! Good luck with everything and keep us posted we are here for the ladies and the men

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    I am in perimenopause and I suddenly started feeling depressed and unsafe. I hav a husband that has lived out of state for work for the past couple of years. I became increasingly depressed and felt that I lost my life, and things are unberable for me. The more horrible symptoms of peri surfaced the weaker I felt and the least strength I had to cope with life situation.  I started thinking of finding a more reliable partner to sothe my fears. You may not be the absent husband, but there might be something in you that your wife's depression and anxiety in peri finds incompatible and unwanted. Hopefully her feelings subside soon, if this is what she is going through than she has very little control over how she feels. I have basically no control.  I wish you all the best and I hope things settle for you and your wife.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi there,

    I'd like to commend you for reaching out.

    Have you discussed peri as a possible reason there are issues with your wife?

    Problem is that peri is usually followed by menopause. The symptoms are often worse with menopause.

    I am in menopause at age 44 due to cancer so it was a forced menopause and I bypassed peri. My menopause has certainly taken its toll on my relationship.

    The best you can do is try to look back at what has changed? What did you have in common that you maybe do not anymore? What interests have changed? Hers or yours? Try to go back to the beginning...why did you two fall in love?

    If she is in peri the best you can do is be understanding with this life change. Do your research as to how you can help. Your reaching out here is a clear indicator that you want to help.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Richard, I'm sorry to hear you're having problems with your relationship.  During peri-menopause I went through something similar to your wife, it eventually passed and I love my husband more today.  Do you try to pamper her and make her feel like she is special?  I hope everything works out for you. 

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      If she feels that she has lost her feelings for me how do I know she will remain loyal until we can ride this out? When she goes out with friends or comes home late my mind is constantly worrying about her cheating. She has always been a good person and I truly feel she won't cheat but I can't stop worrying about it. I just keep thinking she's going to come home one day and tell me she has found someone else or just serve me with divorce papers.

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Thank everyone for your responses. To get so many back already is overwhelming! I am disappointed with her mother because she said she had a terrible time around the same age as my wife but will not press her to get help. It's like a taboo subject. Would she rather watch her suffer? They say the pattern follows the mom so I am in the process of something. We have a 12 year old daughter and I will not fail her like I feel my mother in law is failing my wife. I am writing a letter that I am going to frame and tell her, " Do not open until you are 40" explaining every thing my wife is going through as far as symptoms both physically and mentally and I am going to tell her perimenopause is real and could be devastating to her and her spouse so please don't ignore the symptoms!! I just hope we can weather the storm, it is so bad that I feel if we can make it through this then any marriage is salvageable!

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi, Richard,

      What your mother in law is doing is not surprising.  In her generation, things were not as open as they are now.  Then, the euphamism for everything was "female problems." That's all that was said, and nothing was usually discussed.  

      One of the responsibilities of loving someone is to make sure that each partner takes care of their health, not take it for granted and hope nothing bad happens.  It seems to me that might be what your wife is doing, hoping that nothing is wrong, and that it's not her, it's you. She should also be taking responsibility for her thoughts and feelings.  Blaming is not productive and just makes things worse.    

      You are within your rights to strongly urge her to see a doctor AND get counseling.  As you said it yourself, she is modeling destructive behavior for your daughter. If she won't be responsible as a wife, she might be willing to be responsible as a mother.  

      I am hoping that you can weather this.  Please let me know how you get on.    

       

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up