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I feel like I am teetering on the brink of total nervous breakdown. It seems like I have been depressed for such a very long time and I have been on virtually every depression medication ever invented and nothing changes. The last few weeks my stress levels have gone through the roof and my anger is so bad I am punching walls, gritting my teeth, throwing things and screaming at everyone, I feel like I'm going to have a stroke or a heart attack with sheer stress.
The trouble is I am so isolated with my problems, I have a teenage daughter and two young boys age 9 and 11 and to say they have behavioural problems is an understatement. My 9 year old soils himself continuously and is only now after years of my complaining to my gp got a referral to cahms, my 11 year old speaks to me like dirt telling me to drop dead and refusing to do anything I ask to the point of making my life hell. Before anyone says it is my anger which he is responding to these problems have been ongoing since his father officially disappeared without a trace in october 2012 and I have been left to cope alone, my stress and anger have escalated to monstrous proportions in the last few months as a result of my sons behavioural problems, the desperation of coping with two unruly and hyperactive boys who fight with each other non-stop and battling my own severe depression which includes extreme exhaustion and weakness. I have absolutely no family to turn to and I am completely unsupported.
The only medication which helped with my rages was diazepam but my gp won't prescribe it anymore and to be honest it wasn't really helping much as my body had gotten used to it.
I am so tired of asking for help and receiving nothing in return, does anyone else exerience this? My gp has known about my struggle alone with the children battling my illness for years and just keeps shovelling the pills which do absolutely nothing to help the situation.
I don't know how much longer I can keep surviving on sheer willpower, my life is just a constant battle to cope with mountains of housework and chores, schoolwork (both my boys are behind at school and my 11 year old has dyslexia and dyspraxia and my daughter is months behind in her college work but has no interest in catching up) mounting bills and worries that are threatening to consume me completely.
I can't talk to anyone without snapping their head off and I can't attempt to catch up with the chores without losing it and throwing stuff everywhere. Where am I supposed to get help? I am literally drowning here and taking the kids with me
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