Anyone feel the urge to hurt themselves , or explode !

Posted , 5 users are following.

Ok so title sounds bizzre , but i feel so low in myself and the anxiety is just building up beyond belief , i feel the only thing that will stop these feelings is to hurt myself. 

basically ive been diagnosed on the severe scale of anxiety and depression. having CBT atm for my panic attacks but feel its doing nothing , in the last 6 months i have tried as many diff pills / conbinations / dosages . Last week i developed a rwaction to the tablets I was on which i had to stop suddenly ( venlafaxine 225mg ) , now on citalopram 40mg , 

Im aware that my body is prob getting used to the sudden change etc .. but i feel all these months downthe line i should feel much better and i dont seem to be , dont get me wrong i have good days too. 

I had gp today and i was too scared to tell him that i have felt like this as im a single mom and worry that they think hed be in danger , which he wouldnt , i havent hurt myself but the urge is so strong. It just sounds so pathetic coming from someone in their mid 30s . All i said to the gp is my anxiety had been thro the roof , they just said to bear with the change in meds. Even just writing this now my heart feels like its gonna come out of my chest, 

I just feel now i could stay in bed for a month away from everyone but thats just not possible !! Its such a struggle to even leave the house, if it wasnt for my apt today , i wouldnt of gone into work, Work are amazing about it all , but i just feel like im letting my colleauges / friends down ... my managent said if i need time off then thats fine and its understandable . I just feel so torn between it all . Ramblling now sorry xx 

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    dear sarah

    I was about to turn my pc off and saw your posting.

    I am feeling not like hurting myself , more like I just want to die and be removed from all my pain tonight

    But hearing your reality and that you have a child my heart felt sympathy being a young mum , makes my issues small and nothing like yours .

    Unkilke you i have no one to worry about if i am to die apart from my bedt live in freind and now carer.

    I am totally overwhelmed with my situation and I am falling into a free fall of distress , anxiety and am unable to deal with my physical health issues

    I think you are right to not mention to your GP your a mum.

    I hope you can find releif to your stress tonight as you have everything to live for,



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  • Posted

    Hi If you suddenly come off that dosage of Venlafaxine your will have awful withdrawl symtoms and it takes a good 6 weeks before any other meds get into your brain. That is why you are having such a bad time.I think your doctor should be giving another med that helps to bring down your anxiety. All meds work differently for different people but citalopram increased my anxiety. So keep a check on that. It's great that you've been able to work,I would say if you feel up to it then carry on, but if you don't, have a break, its as simple as that really. You can return when you ve got more control of your brain.
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  • Posted

    Hey sarah,

    Sorry to hear your feeling low,its good youve come on here and said how you are really feeling,if you cant share with your dr i think here is good,people have actually exoerienced it or still are, its not to see others feeling the same...

    I understand the anxiety feeinf like theres something heavy on your chest,feels like somethings bads guna happen even tho its have to remember when you feel like this - its going to pass- nothings wrong-nothings going to happen-

    Its incredibly hard,i would rather be in physical pain then this. I dont feel like harming myself but i do think if somthing happend like a fire i wouldbt be bothered if i died. I dont know why i think about this,all i can think of its the bad feeling i have?

    I keeo getting hot and cold fever things,do you get anything like this? Also when i have the bad feeling day i find i cant eat or drink...

    Hope your feeling better soon, just keep your child at the front of your mind, try doing some quiz's in magazines i find it clears my minds trying to do them all...

    Sorry for long message and spelling mistakes..

    Stacey x

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  • Posted

    Dear Sarah, I am so sorry that you are going through so much.  My heart goes out to you.  I have had depression for many many years, and been on a lot of different anti depressants.  When you find the one that works for you, you will feel a lot better.

    Sounds like you are having withdrawals from the Venlafaxine which can be difficult to handle.  It is a really difficult medication to come off.  I did it really slowly, but once before I did do it suddenly, so I know how you feel. 

    I do hope the Citalopram works for you.  I know some anti depressants do give some people side effects, I have experienced that myself. 

    I do hope your little one is doing well, and I admire that you are a single mum and coping alone.  Must be so very hard for you. 

    I am so pleased that the people where you work are supportive.  Well done for carrying on at work when you feel so ill.  No you are not letting anyone down.  Don't think that.  Take time out for yourself, and if your manager says take some time off, then perhaps you should take it.  You have so much to contend with.  You sound really strong, you really do.

    Keep in touch and let us know if the new medicatio9n is helping you.

    Hugs,  Anne xx

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  • Posted

    Thanks for replying. Yeah definitely withdrawal symptoms I think . I know its not meant to be suddenly stopped but I came up with abnormal bruising .. ove 50 all over body. Had to have blood test and come straight off them so he started the citalopram the following day. I still feel the same. One min im fine next I just don't care. My child is good ta. He's been abroad with his dad for 2 wks back this weekend. Im working all weekend about 20 hrs too so shall see how it goes. I said id try and see a good friend tonight but now undecided just gonna have a couple hrs sleep I think first. Ittotally agree that id prefer to have an actual physical pain than this any day as people don't always 'get it' ... and I find it very difficult to talk to people about feelings ... rolleyes
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  • Posted

    Well thought id pop on , well the feelings have been the same , i go from being absolutely fine having a laught etc to feeling the pits !! and it comes on so suddlenly ! I must look like a right nut job at work !! The evenings i struggle the most with , and the whole , i cant be bothered scenario. Being so tired but cant be bothered to go to bed. Then when i do i just cant sleep , I end up getting so upset and frustrated about it , Im glad i have a weel off work to spend with my son this week as school holidays. I really want to give the Citalopram a good try as like previously said i have tried so many ADs and i cant face going through another change , I have gp nxt week and hoping he can give something to help with sleep , altho being a single mum i am wary to take any more pilss xxx 
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