Appointment canceled twice. Feeling discouraged

Posted , 5 users are following.

... It was more than an appointment to me. It was a big step. I finally told my mom that I'm depressed and I have anxiety and I was so happy that she understood but now two appointments have been cancelled. One day after the other. Its very discouraging. Was telling her a mistake? I knew I couldn't handle it on my own anymore but was this the right time... I was so nervous about going to see a doctor, and I was so nervous about him asking me questions about my feelings because I'm not very open about them but at the same time I was looking forward to it because it was the first step to getting some real help and I know I need it. Now I don't know what to do. I cant keep not going to school because my anxiety is too high but I need to go, my grades are horrible because I can't focus on one thing for too long, I'm scared of being called on. My heart races and my stomach drops when a teacher even mentions calling on someone. And presentations are worse. I stress myself out more by doing all the work so it forces someone else to speak during the actual presentation because I cant. I'm always so nervous in front of people. I cant make eye contact for more than a few seconds, my voice shakes, my heart races, my stomach feels funny, my vision gets blurry but I somehow manage to look like everything's okay on the outside because I refuse to let people know what's really going on with me. I know I'm smart and I know I can do the work but being around people makes it hard. And it wasn't hard during elementary school and most of middle school. My anxiety started in 8th grade. My depression didnt hit till high school. And I'm afraid of being told that I have anxiety just because of school and I'm depressed because school is stressing me out but I know thats not all true. I feel anxiety more outside of school. I cant even walk past someone on the street and say goodmorning. They spoke to me but I couldn't say anything back because I was nervous. They probably walked away thinking I was rude and stuck up when I'm just scared. I'm paranoid at every little thing. I walk outside with the irrational fear that I'll be kidnapped or something and though I know the odds of that happening are slim, its still a fear. How am I gonna live my life like this.. How am I gonna get a job when I can barely say hi to people without thinking I'll embarrass myself. College is no longer an option. Growing up, my goal was to be a teacher but I can't be around all those students and I cant speak in front of all of them. I probably couldn't even be a cashier. I'll mess up saying what the total price for their purchase is or something. Or what if I have to ask for a price check over the intercom. I'll freak out. I wish I was normal. I wish I didnt have to deal with being in a constant state of fear and nervousness and I wish I didnt have to lie about being okay. Idk what to do.

2 likes, 11 replies

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    Your appointments were cancelled, do you mean by your mom or by the doctor??
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    • Posted

      Yesterday by my mom because she wanted to be there with me and she wasnt able to yesterday and today by my doctor because he had patients with apparently worse things than I do and didnt have time today.
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    • Posted

      Well if she did it so she could be there with you, I think that's great. She seems very supportive in this whole thing, which you need. Is this the doctor you usually see or someone new? I'm sure the next appointment you guys will be able to attend. Its a weight off your shoulders once you finally make it there to talk to someone.

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    • Posted

      Surprisingly she has been supportive and I didnt expect her to be and its my usual doctor but he said he has scheduled appointments for the next 2 weeks so unless something opens up I might just have to go to someone else.
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  • Posted

    Hi lovey...I can sooo understand how you feel lovey....I had a very bad stutter all the time I was horribly shy about it..it ruined it childhood ....but...and it is a big but !! As I got older l began not too worry so much. And now, I am fine, I still have a stutter, but it has improved dramatically...I am much more confident now...

    I know that it seems an impossible task, shyness is crippling...your GP can maybe prescribe you a mild tranquilliser to help you....never be afraid to ask....

    I would also say....why don't you call the SAMARITANS....NOW...you can talk to them openly, cry if you want to...they can advice you and help you..they can point you in the right direction for specialist help.....also, you can call any mental health line...as your shyness is making you unhappy, then it is a problem...

    I would also...ask your mum to have a quiet confidential chat with your teachers, if they are aware of your situation, they will not put any pressure on you ... once you feel more at ease, believe me life will get easier,I promise....you will gain much more confidence....but please, please, ask for help now !!! The SAMARATINS are amazing.....a

    SO mental health lines...the calls are free and you can chat as long as length of time that you need too....

    So GP....teachers....help line, you can and will change your life soooo much ...( and you will find that very, very often, many of your friends feel exactly the same )

    A couple of tips.....I always have some gum in my mouth...discreetly....and with other people, I always realise ..I will never ever see them again, and they will not remember me....I send you big warm hugs...do not ever lose hope ...you will get there...with help,,,,I promise.....dee xxxx

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    • Posted

      I've tried help lines and everything but it doesn't help me. My bestfriend suffers from depression and no one knew until she overdosed one day and was put in the hospital. She's the only one I can relate to and she's the only one in my life that knows exactly how I feel. I was coping by myself for a while but 2 days ago I broke down and realized that I can no longer suffer like this alone. I just want to experience what happiness feels like again.

      But thanks. I'll get my mom to talk to my teachers at school and tell them whats going on. They think I'm not trying but I am.

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  • Posted

    Hi sweetheart, I am so sorry I have only just seen this....

    I am so, so sorry to hear about your friend...( I did the same thing twice ) you really do need support as soon as possible...ask your mum to contact your GP, and explain just how seriously this needs to be taken,..it is your quality of life that is really suffering...

    Also get your mum to stress to your teachers, exactly how much you are affected...your anxiety is life changing....

    .have you any other friends who you feel that you could maybe open up to honestly...I truly sooo feel for you. At one point my anxiety became so bad, I turned to alcohol for confidence...I spent ten years as a very, very bad alcoholic, nearly died quite a few times...and I was sectioned four times ...section 3 ...into a mental health hospital , which literally did save my life...and I made many good friends, patients and staff alike....

    Do not give up lovey,...tell your mum again just how bad it is.i have three sons and a daughter...all of them have had problems, one was sectioned at the age of 17 yrs for six months....he is now 34 yrs..all day he has not left the house for more than four years...

    You are young, you have the whole, of what can be a wonderful, happy and fulfilled life....I do so hope that you can talk to someone very, very, very soon....never lose hope...warm hugs and sincere regards to you....please take care...xxxxxxx.

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  • Posted

    Hi, at school I was scared of speaking up in class, scared of 'looking silly' or drawing attention to myself got the wrong reasons.

    ...and now... my job is to go into d kills and deliver PowerPoint presentations to students! Sometimes up to 250 14-18 year olds all at once with teachers watching! And I love it! 😊 Ok; maybe I get a little nervous energy beforehand, but that's normal and healthy. So please don't loose hope! You're worrying about how you might cash up wrong at s check out... you haven't even grown up yet and you haven't even got that job yet, but you're worrying about being useless at it already! Give yourself a break sweetheart. Easy to say... I know... but try to not write yourself off before youve even left school!

    Great advice from others; get mum to insist that you are not called on in class. Any decent teacher will understand. (Having been to see a doctor will make this request be taken more seriously, so that's good!) if you do get called on in class after your mum has explained your level of anxiety, the teacher will probably have to explain him/herself to the head teacher! They should know better.

    Fantastic that your mum cancelled the appointment to go with you! That's actually awesome; she cares!!! You are not alone!

    I came on this forum a few hours ago for re-assurance about a symptom of my health anxiety. But now I feel fine.. so much so that I'm busy reading other people's stories and commenting. It's 4am here, and I actually now feel like I can jo back to sleep in peace. My point is... this forum is very helpful and sometimes reading that I'm mot alone really (always!) helps me. So come back on here as often as you need to.

    Rhodes bless you sweetheart.

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  • Posted

    Hi, at school I was scared of speaking up in class, scared of 'looking silly' or drawing attention to myself got the wrong reasons.

    ...and now... my job is to go into schools and deliver PowerPoint presentations to students! Sometimes up to 250 students all at once with teachers watching too! And I love it! 😊 Ok; maybe I get a little nervous energy beforehand, but that's normal and healthy. So please don't loose hope! You're worrying about how you might cash up wrong at s check out... you haven't even grown up yet and you haven't even got that job yet, but you're worrying about being useless at it already! Give yourself a break sweetheart. Easy to say... I know... but try to not write yourself off before youve even left school!

    Great advice from others; get mum to insist that you are not called on in class. Any decent teacher will understand. (Having been to see a doctor will make this request be taken more seriously, so that's good!) if you do get called on in class after your mum has explained your level of anxiety, the teacher will probably have to explain him/herself to the head teacher! They should know better.

    Fantastic that your mum cancelled the appointment to go with you! That's actually awesome; she cares!!! You are not alone!

    I came on this forum a few hours ago for re-assurance about a symptom of my health anxiety. But now I feel fine.. so much so that I'm busy reading other people's stories and commenting. It's 4am here, and I actually now feel like I can jo back to sleep in peace. My point is... this forum is very helpful and sometimes reading that I'm mot alone really (always!) helps me. So come back on here as often as you need to.

    Rhodes bless you sweetheart.

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  • Posted

    Friend..... there are much bigger fears and trials ahead of you. I know that might not be something you want to hear but its the truth. From what you've written, it does seem like you have anxiety issues BUT please know that you have allot of good news to look forward to as well.

    Anxiety isn't something that can be cured over night but also know it can be cured or at the very least overcome by hard work. You having a supportive mother does help as well. She cancelled that appointment so she could be there in support of you. Getting over anxiety is a team effort.....

    You also don't need to lie about being ok. One of the first steps towards recovery is admitting something is wrong and trying to seek help for it. You'll be seeing the doctor soon and you should be proud of that fact because that doctor will beable to aid you to the answers you need to beable to recover from this all.

    Talk to your mother....talk to the doctor...talk to anyone you truly trust because talking about the stress, fear and other things bottled up inside of you will greatly help reduce the stress and anxiety within you. Its hard and it will continue to be hard but know things will get better and going to see the doctor is a great first step.

    I wish you the best of luck friend and please feel free to come back here and post as much as you need to. Many people here are going through or have gone through what you're currently going through and can help you if you desire it.

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  • Posted

    UPDATE: I have an appointment next week on Thursday. For the past week I've isolated myself from everyone outside but today I made actual plans with friends and we're gonna hang out. And I made the plans ! I'm really proud of myself and I feel like its a step in rhe right direction.

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