Are bad thoughts/intrusive thoughts a sign of anxiety/depression?

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Hi. I am a 24 year old woman. I lost my father two months ago to cancer, and my sister died last year from a brain aneurism. Just two weeks ago we lost two of our longtime house cats back to back, one to cancer and the other was hit by a car and I was the one that found him.

When I was a child, I was bullied for about two years unmercifully to the point where I considered suicide. During that I was having 'bad thoughts', thoughts of hurting my parents or my animals in horrible ways. After overcoming the bullying, and with the advice of my dad who told me that because I never acted on the bad thoughts, I shouldn't worry about it, I didn't have any for a long time. About four days ago, the bad thoughts returned.

I work a very stressful job in retail where I work with probably over 100 people a day and most of them are not very nice people. My life has been put on hold for the past eight months because of my father being so ill and passing away and the other night, my mom was sleeping on the couch and I was going to wake her up for something I needed help with and I had the urge to harm her. I love my mom very much even though sometimes she drives me crazy, as all mothers do, so I would never hurt her. But that scared me so much because it was so real, the urge to hurt her while she was laying there helpless and oblivious. A friend and my mom reminded me that my life is very negative right now and I need to surround myself with positive after everything that has happened in the past two years. I am always worrying about the future and, well I feel I can deal with that but the actual urge to harm my mother really scared me.

Are these all signs of anxiety and depression? Should I see a psychologist? I do plan to go to group therapy when I get a bit of time but should I seek a more definite therapy? Thank you.  

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  • Posted

    You definetly have anxiety and depression....yes, you should see a psychiatrist and tell them the truth about the intrusive thoughts and thoughts of harming your Mom.

    I'm sorry you are going thru h*ll...medication may be needed 

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  • Posted

    these are signs of anger rather than depression. You  definitely either need therapy or a change of job to a less stressful one. You could have a form of ptsd or just be stressed at work to the  point of aggression.
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  • Posted

    Hi Abby - so sorry to read of all the losses you have endured - no wonder you are in a state. The best thing about your post is that you have not acted on the the thoughts of harming defenceless animals or your sleeping mother. It sounds like the bullying you survived for those two years where the thoughts of harming originated may be the basis for those thoughts now. Many things have been beyond your control, from the attacks on you back then to the illness and death of your sister, then that of your father, then your pets, as well as the people you deal with on a daily basis in your work. Sounds like repressed rage, which is perfectly understandable, and which can lead to a depressive state (depression is anger turned inward.)

    The best bet for you would be to find a psychologist to address the issue of your thought process, and who will be able to refer you to a psychiatrist if medication is needed. If you choose that path, you must find a phsychologist who you are comfortable with. If they belittle your situation or dismiss your concerns, get rid of them and find another. Opening up your innermost thoughts may take some time, so don't expect light-bulb realisations over night. Likewise with medication, it takes time to work and may need some tweaking to get the right sort or combination to help you. If you are baited by negative thoughts of violence, remove yourself from the temptation and remember that such actions will have consequences that will change your life for the worse. Be kind to yourself. It may take time to deal with the situation, but the effort you put in now will enhance your future and you are still young. Best of luck to you.

     

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  • Posted

    Hello Abby,

    It would be surprising if you DIDN'T feel depressed with all of these events so close together. On the up side you are talking about it so it is unlikely that these thoughts will ever be anything other than just that - thoughts. Nevertheless, they are impingeing on your quality of life and I agree with the other responders that  seeking professional help is a must if only to get you over the immediate crises. Personally I am a devotee of group therapy as an alcoholicv myuself I found this approach to be the most helpful. Take care

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  • Posted

    Talk to a proffessional and get their help. You may need meds, or just some sessions. I would suggest starting Yoga and meditation to relieve the stress of your job and with all of the deaths in your family. Sometimes stress and bottled up anger and irritation and such present themselves in negative thoughts and actions. Also, remember this quote "We've all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. Thats who we really are" (J.K Rowling).

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