Are we being enablers by dining out with our heart patient friend?

Sorry to hear of your dilemma Michael. I had a similar situation. A good friend who was part of a social group I belonged to and would go out for meals with, also had significant heart problems (previous heart failure), she had COPD, was overweight and had type 2 diabetes, yet always chose a quite unhealthy option and ate very large portions (one memorable occasion the rest of us opted for sandwiches and she went for a huge mixed grill (and went for the XL option), with chips and garlic bread). One or two of us had tried previously to gently recommend she might find her mobility improved if she ate something less artery clogging and even tried to make it lighthearted - but it went on deaf ears. We lost touch with her and a few others several years ago but occasionally bump into her in our local town and she's now using a mobility scooter and has had major health issues - and is still quite overweight. What to do. She's an adult with her own choices and her own responsibility for her actions but still as friends we felt we should help her. One of our mutual friends suggested we might choose dining locations where there were less unhealthy options available - perhaps a good salad bar where we would all make a big deal of filling up on veggies and salads etc., however that kind of backfired as she filled her salad plate with potato salad, coleslaw and creamy pasta salads, all of which were laden with fats, carbs and calories - while the rest of us had plates of lettuce, tomatoes, low fat dressing etc. Distinct failure on our part. How about say every other dinner arrangement invite her to your house for dinner instead of dining out, and cook healthy options with no bad food choices on offer - thus even if she eats a lot, it'll be better for her. She may even start to like those foods and order them when out instead of her previous bad choices. She probably needs counselling and as you commented, may be using food as an emotional prop - I wish I could be more helpful to you with suggestions, you are however to be congratulated at wanting so much to help without upsetting her.

Of course she knows what she's doing. She knows that her life will not be long so she says 'eat, drink and be merry ' She will have been advised at the diabetic clinic and by cardiology and has made her choice.

Perhaps she is even one of the many who do not take their prescribed medications as well.

My GP says that at least 30% of patients do not take/collect their prescribed drugs.

Maybe try taking her to a Japanese restaurant and say you are trying to eat really healthy at the moment. If you take her to places with less processed and fatty foods she may develop a taste for healthy foods. Say you tried some food and you want her to try it to see what she thinks. People often stick to foods they know, but if they are introduced to foods they have never tried before which are healthy and they enjoy them, then they might introduce them to their diet. Maybe try Turkish or Lebanese foods, I know they will have calorific things on the menu, but they are much healthier and don't contain the trans fats than other more popular foods. The thing your friend should really be careful of much more than fatty foods, is sugar and alcohol. There is a lot of hidden sugars in lots of foods and sauces as well. So maybe you could say you are cutting down on sugar and alcohol, it may bring up a conversation of where she may say she wants to as well. Maybe not though, but you can't change someone's eating habits that is up to them at the end of the day.

Maybe you could suggest going for a weekly walk with her so she can get a bit more exercise and give her a bit more company.