Are we the same? Am I normal?

Posted , 7 users are following.

I can't ever explain this the way I want to, but I'll try to give you an insight of what happens in my head. My main fear I deal with everyday is dying. I'm petrified that something is going to happen to me which I can't control, or even worse my family. Everyday I gear myself up for something absolutely heartbreaking to happen.

My second worse fear which all links into dying is my heart. I suffer with heart palpitations mostly every day (odd day I don't) which makes me think I have a heart condition - which I will die from because no one ever picked it up, I've been to see my gp and had an ecg and bloods done (completely healthy) but that's not enough for me....on top of the heart palpitations I get the pains in my chest. Like I've just been given the most devasting news and you get that heavy hurting feeling? That's how my chest feels but without the actual emotion that goes with it.

And on top of that, which again is all linked - I have the most disturbing aweful thoughts, constantly. If I get in the shower I think "what if" if I'm trying to relax I think "what if" if I'm cooking dinner I think "what if" what if I or someone I care about gets diagnosed with something and turns out to be terminally ill?

What if someone takes and kills one of my children?

What if I'm in a car accident and I die? What if that happens to my partner? I can't even get into a car relaxed. I'm always so worried I've said the wrong thing to someone, weather Ive offended anyone and that really bothers me. It will play on my mind for a while and make me so upset and paranoid. I always worry what people think of me, not that I should worry but I do - I worry to the point of it being unhealthy, ill obsesse over it. Even if I get a headache my mind will tell me it's something more serious and ill panick. It's so embassing.

And also...being pregnant right now and leading up

To the birth I don't think I even have to go into the awful things going on in my head with that haha! I'm always questioning myself as a person and as a mother, am I good enough? I feel guilty for no reason what so ever because I feel I'm not good enough though I try my best....that is a slice and a tiny fraction of my anxiety, I find it so hard to talk about it, to really explain what's going on because I'm ashamed and feel like I'm being looked at as a drama queen, I've gone as far as telling a midwife regarding a professional because the panic attacks (which are triggered off from heart palpitations and the fear it brings) were getting to much. We're all the same I think? Us anxiety sufferers to an extent? Or am I just the pain in the ass I think I am? It reassures me to know I'm not a freak.

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    You are not crazy.. You are not weird or a drama queen! You my friend are a human with emotions! Everybody in this world has anxious thoughts it's apart of being a human. Just some people like us don't know how to deal with these thoughts as well as some other people. You should not be ashamed of it! You should be proud to admit you have anxiety and you are willing to try your best to change these thoughts into positive ones.

    Your just a human, don't be so hard on yourself smile x

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  • Posted

    It may sound far-fetched, but these thought processes are very real, frightening and exhausting for the people who endure them.  I, too, am a worrier and very anxious at times.

     We're all different inside and handling things can be a mile apart from another person's perspective.  So I don't shrug your question off easily.  No, you aren't a freak by any means - but I would recommend peace of mind through exercise, meditation or talking to your doctor.

    The fact that everyone experiences anxiety and it's a normal part of life makes it hard to identify what is a cause for concern or not.

    I understand where you're coming from, Rose, because I've been there too.

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  • Posted

    hey im going through the heart too is my biggest worry...i think about it everyday what happens to my son and my husband ..stuff like ecg and blood test also..seems fine..i dont get pain in my chest. i get a achy sore feeling right in the middle of chest..but that feels more muscular to me..the one that is irritating is the pinching sometimes burning sensations i get in my chest that scares me..
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  • Posted

    No your not a pain in the ass.  Those of us with anxiety disorders really "overthink" "over generalize" and so on.  Stressors tend to make our anxieties more severe.  Say for instance, your boss told you need to do a better job on such and such.  We take it more personal.  Then we stress out on ourselves, then come the negative and anxious thoughts.  "I am not good enough for this job"  "I can never do anything right" The one thing I know that you are definitely suffering from anxiety, is how many times that you mention "what if"  That is the trigger to your anxieties.  Uncertainity creates anxiety! I think you could benefit from seeking counseling or researching CBT regarding anxiety.  We need to learn rational self talk.  So "what if" one of your relatives was diagnosed with cancer?  I am sure you would be compassionate towards that relative, you would do all you could to make them comfortable, etc.  Start by telling yourself when you have one of these thoughts, write it down.  Then challange the thought with more rational/truthful ones. I wish you the best.
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