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At a loss for words

Posted , 4 users are following.

Lordsclay
Lordsclay

I must say that I applaud you all for being so open about your personal struggles. It takes a lot of heart and guts to do that.

I am obviously here for the same reason. I've read all of the comments from anger, to resentment, to moving forward. I understand your pain. My man and I have been together for over 10 years. Not married (that's my choice). He is an amazing man. He will work himself under the table to make sure I am happy. We started out as friends with plenty of benefits. I wasn't looking to be tied down because I was still young and in college (38 years old now). He insisted that he would wait for me until I was ready for a relationship. I know that may sound like a fairytale but, the grass was not greener on my side. Because he waited, he missed out on a lot of relationships that he could have learned from. By the time I was ready to settle down, I was a Mother of 2 girls and was not ready to train and nurture a grown man. My Mother is a nurse which was a blessing to me and a curse for my partner. I am anal about health and hygiene. If I sneeze and it is abnormal, I am going to have that checked out...lol. He is very different. Both of his parents passed away at an early age and he missed out on a lot that we would consider to be common sense. That's where my situation becomes difficult. I feel as though I have taken on a nurturing role when it comes to him.

I was abused as a child so I didn't really have sex so freely. I can actually go years without it and it would not even phase me. We were physical for 6 years before we stopped using condoms. He was always there for me and my girls and money was never an issue and I truly trusted him. When I was diagnosed with herpes, the room just turned black and grew silent. I was speechless, hurt, angry, confused, and I instantly felt dirty. When he got off from work I wanted to politely choke him out. Yes, I knew that he was asymptomatic but, if he was getting a thorough examination every year, he would know...symptom or not. Our sex life was poetic. And now the thought of sex or affection with him makes me want to vomit. O feel as though he betrayed me. Feeling like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. He wasn't taught these things coming up but, it's not my job to train him. We are both adults and he is older than I am. He is still very much attracted to me physically but my physical attraction has gone down the drain. With so many years invested, how do you stay in the relationship? When he has always been the bread winner, how do you walk away? How do you transition from love to disgust and then back to love? I am an adult and I can't remember the last time I felt so empty and confused. His good outweigh his bad but he embarked on a HUGE deal breaker for me. A man's pride and ego should never get in the way of making such poor decisions when it comes to your health. One minute I want to cry and the next minute I want to punch him. Is it really worth staying?

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • susan_85
    susan_85 Lordsclay

    Posted

    I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through. Can I ask, how long after you stopped using protection were you diagnosed ?
    • Lordsclay
      Lordsclay susan_85

      Posted

      At least 6 years without protection before I was diagnosed. But, the issue was that he was neglecting his duty when it came to his health. He was not getting tested every year like I was. He is very apoplectic but, that doesn't stop me from hurting. He should have been the one to tell me instead of me finding out after I was diagnosed.

  • sweetest0832972
    sweetest0832972 Lordsclay

    Posted

    It's so many people.out here that doesn't know they have it , yall can work through this. First it start with forgiveness. I had negative test before it was confirmed, so even if he did get tested , he could.of came out with a false negative just saying . We all feel bad , I gave it to my bf without knowing I had it. Idk where I got it from.. it Hurts everyday but you got to live . Neither one of us have any symptoms

    • Lordsclay
      Lordsclay sweetest0832972

      Posted

      I know that I will eventually have to forgive him. With my Mother being a nurse, I am anal about my health. I have deep rooted issues when it comes to betrayal and sex. Being abused as a child, in my head, I was hurt and betrayed by someone who loves me. I get that same feeling about this situation. I never dealt with the issues of my past because it hurts. But, these situations basically force me to have to deal with them. It should be my call as to when I am ready for closure, not his call.
  • louise123456
    louise123456 Lordsclay

    Posted

    You say you knew he was asymptomatic.. Did you know he had the virus? Did he know? Sorry I'm a little confused, not sure if I'm just reading it wrong!

    All I would say is give it some time. I'm not sure when you were diagnosed but let your emotions settle down before making any decisions. It's a shock and upheaval when you get diagnosed, your head isn't straight... Take some time to get past it all.

    • Lordsclay
      Lordsclay louise123456

      Posted

      He was not aware that he had it. I found out because I was still getting an annual exam and he wasn't doing the same thing. The only reason that we still live together is because I know that he showed no symptoms so, I knew that it wasn't intentionally. When you lay down with your partner, it is a mental agreement that we both are being responsible and give a clean bill of health. Carelessness when it comes to your health can affect your partner's well being. I am only blaming him for neglecting his health and me having to suffer.

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