At breaking point and don't know what to do

Posted , 5 users are following.

This discussion has been locked due to a period of inactivity. Start a new discussion

I'm a mum of 4, the youngest being only 12 weeks old and my husband is in the army, so works away. I'm feeling so rubbish all the time and am exhausted. The baby is still not sleeping through the night and I'm starting to feel like I can't cope. I get help from social services but as much as it's helping me with the kids.......it's not helping me, if that makes sense. 

I've never been on a forum before, but really need some words of wisdom, from people that understand what I'm going through. 

I was diagnosed in July 2012, finding out I was pregnant this year was heartbreaking, I didn't realise till I was 16 weeks, which was when I went for an abortion.....it was too late to do anything......we I could have, but she was a beautiful formed baby,.....now.......I Hate to say it, but.......what can I offer? 

0 likes, 8 replies

Report

8 Replies

  • Posted

    So sorry to hear of what you're going through. You're in a few difficult situations, all at once: having ME/CFS, having four children, having to cope with everything while your husband is away. Can you get some emotional support? This forum is a good place to start, but what about in person? Can you talk about your situation with a close friend or family member? Does the Army have any services you could use? If you're asking what can you offer, that tells me you're dealing with depression. This is totally understandable. You need to sit down, take a deep breath, and think about any possible source of support. Who are the people in your life who can help you? Might you benefit from talking to a therapist? Do you have a good ME/CFS doctor who's in your corner? I think anyone in your situation would feel overwhelmed, so cut yourself some slack. You're doing the best you can do in a very hard situation.
    Report
  • Posted

    It must be very very difficult for you. You are doing marvellously to keep going. Having four children and one that isn't sleeping through the night.I know exactly how you feel. When I had my youngest, one of four, she did not go through the night until she was four and a half. The other three were a lot older than she is, one was 16 one 13 and the other 10. When she was two I felt as if I just could not keep going. I had one doing A levels one doing G.C.E.'s and the other being difficult towards the baby.I ended up in hospital  which was rediculous all I needed was some sleep aun understanding. I had a virus when expecting her and that as far as I can tell was the start of my M.E. I was diagnosed 9 years later. The doctors kept ignoring my exhaustion, just saying it was depression, which I new it wasn't.

    The hardest part I find is peoples total ignorance an ignoring the fact that it is a physical desease and is very very difficult to cope with on top of everything else. I also hate the pressure on my head, fuzzyness nearly all the time. And of course the total and utter exhaustion. I really hope you get some help with this, you deserve it.

    Alison

    Report
  • Posted

    Hi Gemc, it's going to be Ok.  You coped with 3 and you will with 4 once you get straight solid night sleeps and you have some help.  Sleep deprevation is a form of torture.  You're right in the middle of it at the moment.  She will learn to sleep through the night, it will come.  Some say letting them cry abit helps them in the long run but I bet you rush to her quickly to try to make sure the other 3 kids don't get woken up by the crying.  Cos then in the mornings you'll be tired and there will be 4 others feeling tired = yuck.

    You recognise you need help which is the first step = brilliant, you've said it out loud.  You obviously haven't got frequent help with the children by the sounds of this.  If possible this needs to change whilst the children are young.  This might mean you need to think about moving you and the kids nearer to some family if you have any.  The kids may need to move school, but in the long run it would be better for them to accept the upheval now and remember their Mum as being sane, rather than you struggling on and they remembering a Mum who obviously needs help.

    Depression is a condition of ME/CFS.  I know cos it's a side I have always had to suffer with.  I am on Anti-depressants and they are making a difference.  They are helping me be a Mum who doesn't snap and shout at my kids and doesn't feel suicidal in the night.  They have meloded me for the better.  I worked with my doctor until we got the right level for the mood swings to stop and the bad thoughts to go away.  I recommend you look at whether you need them or whether you need a higher dose at the moment.

    You do have a lot to offer but due to the ME/CFS it will always be a struggle whilst the kids are at an age that they physically need you.  As long as they know now and can look back and know that you love them that counts for so much.  If your kids are clean, turn up for school, are fed and cared for emotionally you are doing a good job.  Maybe you can't take them everywhere and do everything you would do if you didn't have ME/CFS but that doesn't mean you don't have anything to offer!!!!!!!!

    My husband has had the 'snip' I recommend you talk to your hubby about doing the same.  A fifth child might just really send you over the edge.  At least if he has had the 'snip' you can enjoy further loving moments without the worry.

    You need emotional and physical help. This Forum is here but you also need more just where you are.  I would recommend either finding it close by or moving to it.  Good Luck and keep talking xxxxx You've made the first step, keep going xx

    Report
  • Posted

    Thank you all for your support, it feels really good knowing there are people out that that totally understand what I'm going through. 

    It's the night times that are absolutely killing me, I NEED SLEEP!!!! I've been to my doctor this morning, and we've changed my anti depressants, I think the others were making me even more tired and I was reluctant to increase the dose, as much as I need sleep, I still have a bay that I have to try and get up to. 

    What's frustrating is, the first 6 weeks afte having my baby, I felt amazing, I could get up have breakfast with the kids and I was able to get out the house at least once a day for a 20 minutes walk, then I had my period and went down and very steep hill after that, so I realise what I'm missing out on. I spoke to my GP about it, and she checked my hormone levels, they're fine, it's just this stupid illness!!!! 

    I understand what your saying Julie about being closer to family, that's why I'm away from my hubby, I've settled with the kids close to home, and he's posted at the opposite end of the country. My mum is 30minutes away and my sister just 10, but they don't understand my condition and can't help on a day to day basis, I have to rely on social services. They are there if there is an emergency, but the aim is to prevent me from getting to that point. 

    The army......the less said about them the better, just thinking about it makes me angry.......there is nothing they can do, not even post him a little closer to home. If I want my husband at home, I have to move to him, to then get moved again in 18 months, which in their eyes is no time at all. Or he could leave, lose his pension, and be jobless with a mortgage to pay. Sorry, I shouldn't rant :o( 

    I feel soooooo lonely at times, but now I've found this place and hopefully it's the start of moving forward, I know talking to someone face to face will probably help,  but I constantly have children round my ankles, and find it sooo difficult, I've even tried talking changes by telephone. Regular Me time, would be really good, but I've got to work with what I've got...........it's just damn hard!!!!! 

    Ive got got to try and stay positive

    thank you xxx

    ps I made sure Hubby had the snip as soon as I found out I was pregnant.......I never want to go through this again! 

    Report
    • Posted

      When your little girl starts sleeping the whole night through it will get better I'm sure.  Even with our condition so we feel exhausted even after a good nights sleep, we do have more energy than after a broken nights sleep.  Real shame your family aren't more helpful. 

      Do keep telling people you aren't emotionally coping.  If you keep it to yourself it will feel worse.

      If you can find the energy I would recommend getting out of the house to a parent toddler group.  In the house all day especially this time of year will make you feel all the more abandoned to cope with the family on your own I fear.

      Keep talking we're here xxx

      Report
  • Posted

    It sounds very like postpartum thyroiditis to me you had tests for autoimmune antibodies? You say you were very well first 6weeks after the birth of your baby then crashed  that points to it in my mind Post partum is a temporary illness , I would suggest it to your doctor all it takes is blood tests for auto antibodies ! You need help with this illness don't just live with it 
    Report
  • Posted

    Sorry meant to add your doctor probably just did tsh tests for under active thyroid that's not good enough gemc , go back and insist on tests for postpartum thyroiditis !! I may be proved wrong in your case but I am sure you would agree its worth a try !! Good luck 

     

    Report
    • Posted

      Thank you Sylvia, I have an appointment with her on Friday, so will push for it. I have been saying for years that I have felt that my illness is hormone related, but my thyroid test always come back negative. She did do a load of bloods, so I will check to see if the autoimmune antibodies was one of them x 
      Report

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion

Report as inappropriate

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up