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I'm 18 years old and as my title suggests I feel like I am currently at my wits' end due to what seems to be a depression with unknown causes. I started feeling down somewhere around 10 months ago, towards the end of my high school career, I was shrouded by apathy and the thought of leaving school and turning my life around produced no excitement whatsoever in me. As time passed and summer approaced, the symptoms worsened considerably to the point where I can now hardly make myself get out of bed and function normally. I have been on medication for the past 7 months, switching from Zoloft to Venlafaxine and maintaining a daily baseline of Tavor, but this has all been to no avail. I have tried to tone down drinking and have quit smoking weed cold turkey (which I'd imagined to be bringing a change of some sort, considering I'd been a daily user for about a year) but this hasn't changed anything either. Therapy has never really been an asset for me, but nonetheless I have been on and off of it for 9 months also, switiching from therapist to therapist and from psycotherapy to psychodynamics but none of this has had a tangible effect on me. it seems like my mind is unavailable/unwilling to receive any external help in spite of my volition to really get ahold of my life again. My symptoms are hard to describe and most of the time I feel like I can't make head or tail of them either. All I can say is I used to be an emotional person who loved being around people and had very many interests. I am now completely uninterested in seeing anyone-except for the friends I have fond memories of and my family-and have utterly given up on taking an active role in what is going on around me. Unfortunately I have made the silly (yet seemingly totally reasonable) decision of moving away from home in a different country for university and starting everything afresh, but I am now as unhappy as ever and have noone to turn to. When I moved I was at the height of my depression, reason for which I did not bring myself to get to know anyone or engage in anything, and what's more I have totally no interest in my degree now. I live in one of the most dynamic cities in the world but long for my natal tiny hometown because nothing about my current city excites me. It feels like anything I do is highly insignificant and unsatisfactory. I often also get instances of depresonalization or something of the sort, where I begin to feel like the world around me is weird and my thoughts become extremely scary: I start engaging in an over-analysis of things to the point where everything (even words) becomes insignificant. I feel stuck in my body, and as if my conscience was constantly splitting itself. these weird thoughts are overwhelming and make me feel even more hopeless. I have forgotten what it feels like to be happy or just carefree or to have feelings towards other people. I am in desperate need of a piece of mind.
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