At my wits end, don’t know how to carry on
Posted , 10 users are following.
I apologise but this is probably going to be very long as I need to get it all out.
I’m a 65 year old woman and have suffered with anxiety for nearly 40 years on and off and depression almost as long. My biggest problem is health anxiety and it’s got to the stage where I’m just not coping and am absolutely terrified.
It would take too long to go through everything but, in short, through hypnotherapy which I paid for privately a few months ago, I pretty much know that my health anxiety came from my childhood and a very health anxious father.
In January I got what I think was one of the flu strains that were going round and I felt probably the most I’ll I have ever felt in my life. It dragged on for nearly 6 weeks and I was scared that it would never go. It did sort of go but I’ve felt washed out and depressed ever since. I’ve done so much crying it’s ridiculous.
Just over a week ago my throat started to feel scratchy and it feels like something is stuck in it. It also feels strange under my chin and around my jaw. I have been coughing up some phlegm (sorry if tmi). I’ve been highly stressed since getting ill in January (even more than usual) and I’m trying to convince myself it’s that but keep panicking that it’s something awful. Now I’m thinking was it actually the flu I had or something else entirely.
I have noticed that if Im occupied like chatting with my daughter on the phone then I don’t notice it but it comes back afterwards but then I think was it actually there all the time.
This is by far the worst bout of health anxiety I’ve ever had and I’ve got myself so stressed that I don’t even know any more if I feel so ill because of being in a constant state of high stress or if it is a physical problem. I know that the symptoms definitely seem worse when I’m sitting thinking about them (which is virtually all the time).
I think I’m losing my mind and I’m so scared, everything is so muddled in my head. I don’t think there’s anything anyone can do, I’ve had 2 sessions of CBT in the past and the hypnotherapy recently and I’m still the same. I have a husband who doesn’t understand the way I am but have no friends to talk to so am bottling everything up. I’ve had sleep problems for years and am always so tired which doesn’t help.
I’m 65 but feel like a frightened little girl. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone but am hoping that someone can relate to how I’m feeling as I feel so alone.
Thank you to anyone who manages to read all that.
0 likes, 19 replies
Christi53
Posted
On holiday abroad, thought it would provide some miracle respite, it didn’t. I’ve had enough, been crying nearly all day. Still feels like something is stuck in my throat. Face looks swollen, more one side than the other. I’m finding I’m clenching my jaw which I need to stop somehow. As usual, this is it, the time where I find out that I’ve got something really bad. But maybe this is the time 😕
chrisk89 Christi53
Posted
It seems that when we are anxious, we are prone to being ill. It's like our brains are so focused on our thoughts, that preventing illness becomes less of a priority. I think we underestimate the power of our thoughts. The power of one thought really is an amazing thing, it can make you or break you. This is why I had to study positive thinking and since then I have been feeling a lot healthier. Speaking of healthier, a healthy diet also plays a big part in taming our anxieties. Fruit, veg and plenty of water while managing salt and sugar intake. I know people say this all the time, but I don't think it is mentioned enough when it comes to anxiety.
You know the root cause of your health anxiety and this is an amazing thing. Use this to your advantage. A lot of the time the thoughts of something being wrong are just that, thoughts. Behold the power of anxiety. But it can only have this power if you let it.
I think it is important that you educate your husband on your condition. It must be affecting him too when you are having problems sleeping. It is good that you are having therapy, maybe bringing your husband next time will help him to understand more. You are not alone though it may feel like it. We have all suffered from anxiety, it's challenging but knowing that we have each other provides some comfort. I think you should show your post to your husband and daughter. You have explained everything very well and I'm sure they will understand more if they read it. Sometimes what isn't intended for someone to read is actually exactly what they need to see.
Christi53
Posted
Have been so frightened that I’ve gone all out to do anything that might stop these awful feelings. GP advised me to phone a local talking therapy, I’ve been to them twice over the last few years. I phoned but they said as it hasn’t helped in the past it seems pointless to try again. I self referred to Mind and have an assessment in 10 days. I’ve applied to do voluntary work to get me out of the house and have also started yoga.
My GP has said that I must change ADs so am weaning myself off the ones I’ve been on for years ready to start a different med. She also gave me some diazepam but said to only take them if I absolutely have to. Haven’t taken any yet because I’m scared they won’t help and that’s another door closed in my face.
Ive had 2 marks on my legs for a few years and avoided getting them checked just in case (stupid I know). Last week for some reason I went into full blown panic over them and knew I had to get them checked. I phoned the surgery and, because I was in such a state, they said I could see the nurse practitioner that day. She looked at them both and said they’re nothing sinister. She gave me steroid cream and said to see her in 2 weeks. I kept asking if she was sure that they weren’t anything serious and she said that if she thought there was a chance that they could be then she would have to refer me that day and not wait 2 weeks. But then why does she want to see me again.
I hadn’t been to the dentist for years through fear of the dentist and finding out I had oral cancer. I plucked up the courage to go in February. Amazingly he said that, even though I hadn’t been for years, I didn’t need that much attention. I went back for a basic clean up a couple of weeks later and have an appointment this week with the hygienist for a thorough clean. A couple of weeks ago my gums looked white around each tooth and the gums were painful. Again, total panic. Got an emergency appointment at the same surgery but with a different dentist. He said everything looked fine and my gums looked normal. So now I’m imagining things as well!
Im terrified that when I see the hygienist this week she will say there’s a serious problem because of the intermittent pain in the gums and the coating on my tongue and that when I have the marks on my legs checked the following day they will say that actually it does look serious.
My family keep telling me that they would have said if they thought there were serious problems in my mouth or on my legs and it wouldn’t be worth their jobs to put referring me off but I still can’t accept it.
I don’t know what to do to get off this merry go round, it’s driving me mad and I can’t cope. I’m feeling so desperate.
Christi