At what point do you admit defeat?

Posted , 4 users are following.

I am so tired of life, of living! I'm tired of feeling alone, tired of waking each morning (when I sleep) with the same feeling of dread, I'm tired of being tired!

I've tried for a long time to get better, to feel better but it just doesn't happen, why? Well I'm know I'm not a good person and I often convince myself that I deserve this and maybe I do but I can't cope with it anymore! I've tried (albeit feeble) suicide attempts, turns out it's not as easy as I'd thought!

I've been on so many different meds, been to counselling, have had help from mental health team, psychiatrist, psychologist but nothing has actually helped.

Way back when my depression first started it was easier, you know? It wasn't pleasant but I coped, I managed day to day tasks, managed to smile once in a while, but it only got harder. I've lost all trace of a "normal" life, My 3 babies are now living with family, my eldest chose to leave ( who could blame her ) and my son who's with me now, well I'm sure it won't be long before he chooses to leave too! I brought this on myself, I should have tried more, done more! I know that and I don't want pity, God knows I've got more than enough for myself! I just want it to be over but scared it will never be.

Guess I've just answered my own question!

2 likes, 19 replies

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  • Posted

    This is sad and i hope you find the strength to realize now you see life is how it will be. I understand its depression though and its hard to see anything positive. Be lovely if you could find a really caring health care team to help you get on the correct working doses or mix of meds that could help you. Maybe an in house  kind of situation would be a good idea as the doctors can work a bit closer with you. I do not think you even want to die,  i think you want to be free of this dark loomy cloud that you are dealing with. Wishing you the very best and dont be afraid to see if you can check yourself into a hospital to get the proper attention to regulate this.
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  • Posted

    Hi Dondons

    it sounds like you have tried very hard to get better and I'm so sorry to hear your circumstances. I know you mentioned trying many medications but clearly you haven't found the right combination. I would start demanding help from your gp it's no good taking medication if it's not helping you. I don't think you should blame yourself for your circumstances. .its your illness. What are you currently taking and is it helping at all?

    I know your tired from battling every day but you will get better in time and its essential that you have the right combination of meds.

    Always keep that spark of hope going. Keep determined that you will keep demanding help from the medical profession.

    I too think I could try harder to get better but this is us feeling guilty whereas we are not to blame...its our illness.

    God bless you

    wishing you success in finding the right combination in getting you well again xx

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