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I am so tired of life, of living! I'm tired of feeling alone, tired of waking each morning (when I sleep) with the same feeling of dread, I'm tired of being tired!
I've tried for a long time to get better, to feel better but it just doesn't happen, why? Well I'm know I'm not a good person and I often convince myself that I deserve this and maybe I do but I can't cope with it anymore! I've tried (albeit feeble) suicide attempts, turns out it's not as easy as I'd thought!
I've been on so many different meds, been to counselling, have had help from mental health team, psychiatrist, psychologist but nothing has actually helped.
Way back when my depression first started it was easier, you know? It wasn't pleasant but I coped, I managed day to day tasks, managed to smile once in a while, but it only got harder. I've lost all trace of a "normal" life, My 3 babies are now living with family, my eldest chose to leave ( who could blame her ) and my son who's with me now, well I'm sure it won't be long before he chooses to leave too! I brought this on myself, I should have tried more, done more! I know that and I don't want pity, God knows I've got more than enough for myself! I just want it to be over but scared it will never be.
Guess I've just answered my own question!
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