At what point do you decide that your elderly relative needs full time care?

Posted , 9 users are following.

It would be really useful to hear people's different experiences with this. It's so hard when it comes to close family, especially when the elderly relative does not want to go into a nursing home and will not even consider assisted living arrangements. 

I've been trawling the internet looking for advice on this, and came across a couple of articles, but I think first-hand experience would be better, if anyone is willing to share their care giving situations.

0 likes, 7 replies

Report / Delete

7 Replies

  • Posted

    Placing your loved one in a residential nursing home may be one of the hard and fearful task as well as an emotional choice. 

    five signs to look out for that may suggest you should be considering care

    1: Social exclusion - Does your loved one still pursue in social works or hobbies that they used to be fond of? Do they still get together with friends or neighbors

    2: An newly unkempt house - If there is a lot of muddle around the home and grime building up in the bathroom or kitchen, This may be a sign that living in a house alone has become too much for your relative who may need the housekeeping taken care of for him or her.

    3: Untidy kitchen or gone off food - The consideration of your loved one kitchen can tell you a lot, as it is a room that people often spend a large amount of time in

    4. Weight loss - One clear sign that something is not quite right with your loved one is changes to their skin appearance. Weight loss is an important sign to look out for. When you hug your relative do they feel weak

    5: Being more accident prone - While this may seem like an obvious one, it is worth finding out if your loved one has had any accidents or close calls recently

    Source : Orchard House 

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Lucy,As a carer myself,j spent over 7 years with my late Dad and it was verý awkward for me.I had an au pair plus to give me a hand.But now my Husband is ill and we have carers to help.Buf if you can afford it try live in care,may be cheaper than a nursing home.Its not easy as I can't relax.regards Amanda h

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted


    Considering your post, here is a point  that decides your elderly relative needs full-time care?

    1) Recent accidents or close calls. 

    2)? Noticeable weight loss


    4)?A chronic health condition that's worsening

    Find out what your loved one fears most about moving and about staying before launching into your own worries and what you think ought to be done.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

     At first I wanna give you thanks, for sharing this ethics manner. I a capital day we are become too much busy with our professional manner or others manner, where we are not giving too much time with our family member. For that reason we can see the maximum elders’ neighbors are enjoying their rest of time without happy moment.

    This will be a great apple if we care our elder neighbors as well as elder relative with the following manner:

    1.We need to give them time

    2.We can make them happy to fill up their requirement, what they are wants

    3.This is grateful opportunity to make them happy on the basis of they are take    care us in our childhood , so we need to take care them

    4.At afternoon if we spend some time with them and play some desired sports, so they can get two things like entertainment and health performance on the basis of if we take exercise we will become a healthy person.

    Finally, I wanna say that again if you can give them time then they will happy, for that they can consult with us what are they want and how they will happy. The another important thing which at the eldest time everyone become a short term memory person, here I willing to say that there are too many smart health accessories which can make us active with its performance and this smart device is fitness tracker bracelet that can calculate users heart rate, sleeping control as well as all smart notification reminder for that reason there has no chance to forget any events and for knowing about more health related smart accessories gadgets you are welcome  there  has top fitness tracker goods which are too helpful for their users.

    Moderator comment: I have removed the link(s) directing to site(s) unsuitable for inclusion in the forums. If users want this information please use the Private Message service to request the details.

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    At what point do you decide that your elderly relative needs full-time care? There are caution signs, some diffused and some obvious, that may let you know when the time is proper. Below is a few sign you should be aware of with your parent’s aging.

    Changing your parent's personality. They appear irritated over apparently non-essential problems. They are saying things to you that they normally wouldn’t say. They may say merciless or vulgar comment.

    They start to show the symptoms of dementia. Some of the symptoms of dementia are not remembering where they put the important things, Such as, they can’t remember where the house or care key is kept. They don’t know what day it is or what time it is. They've trouble communicating what they mean to say after which get angry that you don’t understand them.

    They begin to expose symptoms of deficient health habits – not consuming food, no longer sleeping, and not changing their garments for days on stop. While you’re around them, you noticed an intense body odor which includes urine.

    Their home begins to smell horrific and looks unclean.They make very terrible financial decisions and are regularly the target of the people that might take advantage of them financially. They don’t get around as effortlessly and are susceptible to falling down.

    No matter how much you love your parent, in case if you’re not capable of providing complete care to them, the best thing you can do is to get them into a  care provider services that can give for their needs. In case if your parents have dementia or Alzheimer’s, personality changes can occur to the point where they become a physical danger to you.

    This are some point when  your elderly relative needs full-time care


    Report / Delete Reply
  • Edited

    Hi Lucy87622,

     You raise a question which is becoming more relevant, given the current failure of Government to allocate enough money to councils to provide this service,

    My wife and I have gone through this process twice now, the first about twenty years ago with my own parents and the present day with my wife’s mother.

    Twenty years ago, my mother had progressed to full Alzheimers and my father was wheel-chair bound with Parkinsons. Both by this time were in their late 70’s/early 80’s and both had consistently over the years stated that they would never go into a home and would commit suicide rather than doing so.

    We had ended up with carers in every day with almost no break between visits, meals on wheels arranged as neither were capable of cooking and latterly an over-night carer, not council provided as my father was not able to go to the toilet on his own and my mother genuinely did not know where it was, even in her own home.

    Fortunately they owned their own home and the local council requested us to accept that they could not go on with this situation, recognised that both were still averse to an old folks home and arranged for them to visit a home about 12 miles away, still located on the river where they lived, and on visiting this a home, both immediately stated, “isnt this beautiful!, we should have made this decision years ago!”

    They had a living room, bedroom and toilet, a small flat, all meals supplied and with every amenity available. Yes, this was a council approved home and paid for partially by the local council with a contribution from ourselves.

    Counter this with the present.

    My wife’s mother is now 92 years old, has alzheimers, is registered blind & has hearing problems.

    In the last year she has fallen three times, the first requiring a 3 week hospital stay(she lay for 6-7 hours before being discovered by a neighbour and had a serious head injury as well as to her face and arms). The second fall was not so serious only again causing bruising to face, arms and legs and the third about a month ago, where she injured her hip bone which now causes problems to her ability to walk.

    After the first fall she was categorised as a “danger to herself” by Social Work and carers supplied five times a day and we also arranged for meals-on-wheels to provide all food.

    When we queried the disparity between their “assertion of her condition” and their resultant action, we were advised that this was all they could afford to do as they did not have the funds available for “any other Options” which was eventually advised to us as meaning they could not afford the cost of a full time home and “would not be an option unless something serious occurred”.

    Subsequently she has fallen twice more times but the response remains the same.

    As I am sure you will understand that given the current somewhat parlous state of the NHS and constant news of funding shortages by most councils, this situation will not change in the immediate future.

    We still live a 500 mile round trip away from our 92 year old mother and irrespective of my wife’s gradually failing health as a disabled person, there is no apparent change to these decisions in respect of this 92 year old lady. She still will not come and live with us as she has lived in "her" home for 60 + years.

    A few tips; if your relative has alzheimers get his/her doctor to arrange an assessment by the local Age Clinic(if indeed there is one), check local hospitals. This should include a brain scan to ascertain the extent of deterioration in his/her frontal cortex(this is the  area usually affected by Alzheimers.

    If you have not already done so, register him/her with the local Social Work Dept., for an assessment to be carried out in his/her home to ascertain the need for carers to be allocated. If you provide care yourself, have them assess your needs to determine if you can qualify for the provision of a Carers Allowance which can be paid to persons who look after an elderly person. I believe the full allowance if awarded is up to £65 pounds per week.

    It may be possible for your relative to be awarded a place in a Day Centre, for one or two days a week. Check with your Social Work Dept.

    The norm for most councils is now “care in the home” as opposed to locating old people to nursing homes. It is frankly a financial decision, but can be short-circuited if your elderly relative owns his/her own home as this allows councils to fast-track such persons into care homes where the erstwhile home provides the money for their stay.

    If like our 92 year old mother, her home is council owned, you do not have this “quick-path” and are reliant on council funding and meeting their qualification requirements!

    Lastly, get in touch with Age Concern, Help the Aged and any other organisation that may be available to you locally who provide help to the older generation.

    One word of warning though, beware of some Companies who quite frankly prey on the older generation and who specifically target them as easy “marks” to make money from their lack of understanding. We found one shop providing "aids for the elderly" pushing products even where they could not be used".

    ?YOur Doctors should be able to provide various aids such as Zimmer frames, wheel chair, toilets in chairs(sorry the correct word will not come off the tip of my tongue!)

    If you have not already done so, it may be appropriate for you to arrange a Power of Attorney which will give you authority to take over both financial and well-being care. Note that these two headings can be separated in a P 0f A dependant on an assessment of the persons’ ability to fend for themselves.

    ?This can be extremely important for elderly people living on their own. Our mother twice lost her bank cards and her local Post Office called us to advise she was asking strangers to take her money out of her account as she could not get the card into the reader. Unfortunately most elderly people, and particular those with Alzheimers do live in their own little world, without any understanding of their surroundings.

    Hope this helps.

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up