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I was hoping to get your thoughts & experiences on this. Nearly 3 weeks ago I was all set for quitting completely. I was ready to tell everyone that I just don't drink anymore. I felt almost good about it. A few days later thinking about a couple of social events I have coming up I decided that I would moderate instead, I have stopped drinking at home which I would do secretly a couple of times a week & in the last 17 days I have drank on one occasion when out with my husband. I had 4 drinks over the course of around 4 hours. I wanted to see how I felt doing this.
We were away in Poland at the time so we were in a different environment. I had no alcohol before going to the venue which for me is very unusual I would have a few while getting ready. Arriving sober I did feel anxious - I didn't really want to go but part of that was that is was a place I'd never been to in another country. We got a drink each mine a vodka & coke & bumped into a friend of my husband's. I could see she had a few drinks already taken something I would probably not of noticed if I also had had my usual pre party drinks. Chatting to her was okay but she kept banging her mouth into my ear & laughing when there was no punch line. I'm not downing the girl - she was out enjoying herself but it did strike me that that is probably what I am like. I could see me through my husband's eyes who barely drinks himself these last few years. We paced our drinks so I never felt much of their effect at all & so left with all senses intact. Did I enjoy the night as much without my usual alcohol intake? Honestly no. I am glad I didn't blackout or annoy my husband or have The Fear the next day. I did want to drink more but I didn't I got through it.
My question is will I get through it every time? Can I just have a few & I'll then never have to explain why I'm not having any alcohol & then not feel paranoid. I feel I can do this for my husband & child & not get wasted again. Has anyone on here successfully moderated or was it a losing battle? On another site I was on every person said it is impossible. I have a wedding to go to in 3 weeks & plan to moderate again. A lot of my oldest friends will be there & they will be drinking a lot I imagine & I will be holding back. I can imagine where I would usually be up all night between drinks on the dancefloor I won't go near it without my dutch courage. I didn't get up & dance once in Poland.
Just to add TSM is not an option for me as I live in Ireland. I explored this with my GP last year & it would be a long & difficult process to get a doctor to agree to it here .
Thanks in advance x
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