Awaiting Diagnosis Remembered

Posted , 4 users are following.

Anyone remember this - what were/are your thoughts on the time taken to diagnose and your feelings afterwards - posted this a couple of years ago but the newbies might like to reflect on it:

In a strange twilight zone

I find myself alone

Not knowing what the future holds

Clinging to the hope, nay belief that my mind is playing tricks.

It is all a figment of the imagination

For yesterday I could walk and run carefree

Today is different my limbs scream out in agony

And contortion of my muscles make grotesque twitching movements

The stabbing pains bring a sharp intake of breath

I sink back into the chair in the faint hope that sitting still will

Subdue the pain.

If only it were true that great British tradition a cup of tea cures all ills.

But how to get cup to mouth another obstacle to be overcome.

Quite simply every day mundane things take planning and ingenuity.

I wait in this barren city  Limboland

Surely somebody out there will hear my cries and bring me in from the cold.

The long awaited consultation day comes and out the window go my

Symptoms determined as ever to make me seem the fool.   Perhaps it is

All in my mind.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    What an inspiring and relatable piece of writing! I hope that a lot of your confusion has been cleared and you know it's not all in your mind. I'm quite a young member, I was 15 when I first started seeing a doctor for my issues with pain and fatigue e.c.t, and now I'm 18. With me having lots of accute pain and mobility issues at a young age, I went through lots of tests and therapies before I got a diagnosis of what was happening to me. One doctor even said to me that she was reluctant to look into a diagnosis, as at a young age you're likely to use it as an excuse and ALLOW it to stop you in life. As if a person would choose to ever be bed bound or in crippling pain! Especially at the age where you are supposed to be in your 'prime'. I remember thinking that everybody thought I was attention seeking and making up what was happening. After I got a diagnosis I thought I'd felt relieved and that more options would come available to me, like, more medication or therapy options. But so far I haven't had too much luck. Right now I'm stuck in a place where I'm trying to do well in college but my medical conditions are making it incredibly difficult!

    Warm soft hugs to everyone! Beth xx

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    • Posted

      You can do whatever you want to do - just with a little adjustment and understanding.   I continued to get qualifications - although I had to do it at my own pace.  When diagnosed I was careful not to use the "why me" but the "why not me".  Everyone has battles to fight - it's just that ours are invisable to most. People don't understand conditions that come and go or change almost daily.  Fibro is different for all of us but it is up to us to find what works and what doesn't.   I have posted many times my own regime and it worked really well for two years but then a series of very stressful situations including bereavement hit and the body, or rather the sprite who sits on my left shoulder told me enough was enough and put me flat on my back! Hey ho just got to get on with it - onwards and upwards.  True friends are just that they stay with you through the journey and carry you when things get tough. All I can say is thank goodness for the internet and sites like this where we can gain strength from each other. Take care.

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  • Posted

    Wow
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  • Posted

    Maggers...thank you sooo much

    hugs

    judith

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