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Back in - feel very unsure

Posted , 3 users are following.

tina89895
tina89895

Arrived back in yesterday, good start weren't expecting me until today. Feel very blank empty wondering if being here is a good idea should I just go back home and get on with life, feel as if I am wasting my time, can't seem to think of anything, be motivated, see what the Dr's suggest. If I do return to reality will all the feelings and thoughts come back? I just don't know what I want. Does any of this make sense?

0 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • dave1948
    dave1948 tina89895

    Posted

    yes it does tina. please have a word with the doctor and se what they say.i think i can speak for everyone on this site when i say we are all here for you and are in our thoughts.god bless 
  • tina89895
    tina89895

    Posted

    Had my consultation mirt to be increased to 45mg while I'm in here, plan to try and control understand my emotions and more talking therapy. Also to involve my son in the overall plan. Feel even more shell shocked now, just don't know what to think anymore. Just want to give up. I'm tired of trying.
    • Mermaid3011
      Mermaid3011 tina89895

      Posted

      Being shellshocked is one of the steps to go through. Realizing that you are dealing with a lot more than just "feeling down". 

      I think it took me 1-2 weeks to actually accept the feeling that I was in a clinic for mood disorders. Even though I had admitted myself!!

      And then over the next 4-6 weeks I learned that it wasnt just that one thing from my childhood, or the inherited depression. There were so many more issues that came up that I had never seen clearly. Never been able to name. Being abandoned by my parents when I was 12 in two very different ways - I had never seen it this way, but now it all made sense. Why I didnt trust. Why I turned to my dog instead of a person for emotional support. Why I didnt feel I was worth taking care of. etc etc. 

      our mind takes time to heal. Much much longer than we think it does. Bones heal quicker than our mind does! That's what makes mood disorders so vicious and difficult to deal with. 

      Lots of love!

  • Mermaid3011
    Mermaid3011 tina89895

    Posted

    Tina, you arent waisting your time! And yes, the feeling of emptyness, not knowing what I want... that's part of being depressed. It's the symptoms of an awful disease. If you had broken your leg, would you just go home and "get on with it"? 

    And remember - being home didnt work out so well, did it? There is a reason you took all your strength together and went to the clinic in the first place. You should be proud of yourself that you did! It's a great big step to getting better!

    Once you return to reality, your thoughts will have changed. Especially if you are working with good doctors, nurses and a therpist. You will be able to guide your own thoughts away from the darkness. It will take some time. Grieving is a rough job. Give yourself this time now. It will change your life! Promise!

    • tina89895
      tina89895 Mermaid3011

      Posted

      Thanks for your wise words I just wish I could make sense of everything and put across how I feel when talking to people I find it so hard and quite often feel stupid. For a 54 year old you'd think I could do that. Just had a chat with one of the nurses, when I said I feel shell shocked she said why and I can't say why cos I don't know. Then I start getting annoyed again. I'm just so frustrated with everything....
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