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aaaaaaargh. I think I might have come off the meds too early last summer. I started taking them last janurary and though they took a good 6/7 weeks to kick in, they did the trick in the end. I had a pretty calm 7/8 months and, thinking I was out of the woods, stopped taking them, gradually at first, then studpidly forgetting them. Theres also been some large life changing events recently. I left my boyfriend of 4 years just beforer the summer as he was drinking far too much and not contributing to the household bill and it was dragging me down. Then not long after that I met someone else. It wasnt planned that way, it just happened and rebound relationships are not really my style. For the last three months its been really lovely, he really made me laugh which is a biggie in my book, we'd been going out lots, late nights, drinking,cinema, even a trip to barcelona for my birthday. We've met each others friends and we both have children, his boy is four, mine is 11. All was going swimingly But then all of a sudden, a couple of weeks ago, what with funding cuts etc at work, Im not sure if my job is secure for next year and I have a mortage to pay. At the same time I feel totally unmotivated at work, yet I havent got a clue what else I want to do with my life, and I worry that the depression will prevent me from ever being able to hold down a job etc etc. So now Im on a bit of a downward spiral and that fact that Ive just met someone who I actullally like, someone who is decent and honest for the first time in a long time. But Imt finding it hard to keep us going with the depression. Im having silly thoughts like, Im not good enough for him, Im really boring, etc etc. Ive have explained to him that I suffer from depression and am taking the meds which will make me feel a bit withdrawn and sad for a while. To be honest all my feelings are numb at the moment but I dont want him to feel like Im pushing him away, I just need to get back to my normal self again, whoever that is. Though Ive told him what it going on, I try not to be too morose in front of him, because I dont want to scare him off, yet Im struggling to keep up the act, all I want to do is curl up in bed and stay there, but i know its not the answer. We're planning to spend christmas together but Im worried the pils wont have started working yet and I'll ruin his chrismas. In fact Im just worrying full stop about everything. I feel like a mess and I dont know what to do. Anyone have any encouraging thoughts out there?
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