Back on forum, getting real help

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I hit bottom today with my lifelong anxiety.  I am 47 and have had peri symptoms for almost 4 years and there have been times when I have let fear keep me from getting care.  Tomorrow morning, I have a gyn appointment for help with some real, legitimately scary symptoms that I hoped would go away or be manageable without medical care.  Know what?  That’s the story of my life.  My narcissistic mother frowns on illness and thinks doctors are saints but doesn’t take good care of herself.  I have a chronic autoimmune disease on top of the peri and that’s the only thing that I get care for consistently because I can’t ignore it.  

A few months ago, I chose not to call my gyn back when she tried to follow up on lab results.  I was frustrated and anxious (as usual) and decided my actions were justifiable when I wrote a complaint to her about my health and accused her of not understanding me.  When she replied, I never read the message.  I never called her back.  I let the fear swallow me whole.  It was not fair to her at all.  I got in touch with her today and apologized.  She never had a chance to try to help and wanted to help.  

My mother has told me that she knows she has generalized anxiety disorder but has never been formally diagnosed and won’t seek help.  I cannot continue to be similarly arrogant.  I do not know better all the time.  Sometimes, I need help, maybe even a lot of help.

I am always grateful for the Patient forums.  You have been here for me since my first gyn surgery two years ago and I have dropped out a few times but always come back.  This community is vital to my healing and wholeness and I am grateful for it.  Please send prayers, good thoughts and vibes my way.  I have an idea of what I am facing with these symptoms.  I also came clean today with my gyn about my lifelong anxiety and I pray that she will know who can help me.

Bless you all.

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12 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Liz,

    My mother sounds much like yours, although she spent all her adult life hooked on valium and other meds which created all sorts of other issues. So it might be better that your mom wasn't like mine in that respect. 

    I read a saying once by Buddha about worry, it was something like "if you can do something about it, why worry, and if you can't, why worry?". I know this is easier said than done. But go get those lab results and just get on with it and get some treatment if that's what you need. You got this girl. Sounds like you have a very understanding doctor, you are lucky. 

    Let me know how you get on.

    XOXO

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    • Posted

      Hi Suzanne, it sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your mother.  Have you ever found it difficult to seek help when you need it?  My mom’s attitude has always been that you fix it or get it fixed and move on when it comes to our family but not to herself.  It’s hard to explain.  I always feel guilty for having to miss work for medical care because she almost never kept me home from school when I was sick unless it was really severe.  I’m supposed to soldier on, but sometimes that isn’t a reality.  I hope the doctor does really understand.  I have a bad feeling that I may go in there tomorrow and cry.
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    • Posted

      Probably your mom has the same fears as you do but didn’t want her kids to have them. She was probably trying to do you a favor by not having you fear doctors. Seems like that backfired though. 

      Try your best not to cry at the doctor. Last year when I saw no less than 10 specialists I would break down and cry and then I think I got labeled as a hysterical woman. The heart doctor didn’t even listen to my heart before she started on her ‘mindfulness’ lecture.  It was so frustrating. And I was just an emotional wreck because I had been sick for so long. 

      Even my doctors I’d see regularly didn’t know what to say to me. 

      Last month I had to have a tooth pulled and was a complete wreck sitting in the chair, I was shaking all over.  I’m sure  I’d be better off being on anxiety meds but I’m so damaged about meds because I don’t want to end up like my mother. 

      I know it’s not fun to go to the doctor, but if you keep putting it off, it might get too late to fix what might be a simple thing now. 

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    • Posted

      My mom had a difficult childhood, something I didn’t really learn in detail until the last few years.  I think you are right about her fears.

      I used to do a great job of going every year for my gyn checkups until about 7-8 years ago.  I had a terrible experience with a gyn who’d been my doctor for a few years.  She became a drug addict (which I didn’t know yet) and was rough during an exam.  I came home bleeding.  She had her license suspended.  

      I was fearful for years afterward and didn’t see a gyn again until 2016, when symptoms arose and I had surgery.  I remember thinking at the time that I’d learned a lesson about not putting off care, but even though I got my physical health cared for then, I did nothing about getting help for my anxiety and it has snowballed.  I can’t keep going like this or something bad will happen.  You are right.  I am glad I have the appointment so early tomorrow, too, so I have no time to worry before I go.  It is right after the office opens.

      You wrote about meds.  I have also tried not to go that route because I have Crohn’s disease and already deal with those meds, allergy meds, etc.  I think more than anything that I need therapy.

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    • Posted

      I went to a gyn for about 15 years and the last time she did a pap it was extremely painful and I bled for days. So I switched to a different doctor. I’m supposed to be having my yearly next month but was just told that she’s going to be having surgery and will be out for months. So now I’m stressing because I don’t want the nurse practitioner to do the pap. I think I’m just going to put it off.  Can’t believe about your gyn, that’s awful! 

      Therapy is always helpful if you get someone good. I saw a psychologist once who couldn’t stop talking. Then I saw a psychiatrist, a woman also going through meno, who was great. 

      Everything will be ok tomorrow, I know it! Just get it over with and then go do something fun! 

      Will be praying and thinking of you tomorrow. 

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    • Posted

      Thanks again.  I definitely understand how you feel about the pap.  My current gyn is pretty gentle.  The current issue relates to pelvic pain.  I know I’m in good hands and must remind myself of that.  If it’s feasible for you to wait for your gyn to return, you may want to postpone.  I appreciate your sharing about therapy, too.
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  • Posted

    Liz, I am inspired by you... reading this, brought me to tears.... I have so many of the fears...I thought at first I wrote it...  I wish you much success and am praying for you💕🙏🙏🙏🙏

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    • Posted

      Hi Pam, thank you... I’m right there with you about fears and tears!  Your prayers are much appreciated.  Peri is such an awful battle for all of us to fight and the worsened anxiety doesn’t help.  Take care.
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  • Posted

    I believe we are responsible for taking care of ourselves which means get help when you need it.  Research and do more research. If someone is not helping (GYN, therapist)  find another that will listen and help you.  My spouse has high anxiety and worries all the time.  Yes, I worry too but not to his level.  He refuses Yoga, Meditation, Zoloft and won't even have a glass of wine to take the edge off.  So after 20 years and him not helping himself-- I do find his aniexty is getting worse and may need an MRI due to some physical problems.   My point is to take care of yourself, if there is a problem do whats best for you because if you ignore it, it could develop into  something else.

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    • Posted

      Hi Kelly, thank you for sharing about your spouse.  I am definitely at a point where I must get help.  Years ago, I let my mother talk me out of going on anti-anxiety medication or otherwise getting professional help.  I developed the attitude that I must just keep going at all times, no matter what.  With the level of anxiety that I have - and that your spouse has - that attitude is dangerous.  I have learned that in the hardest of hard ways.  You are absolutely 100% right about getting quality care on a timely basis, doing research to make the right choices, and being proactive about the anxiety.  I relate to your spouse in that, with this severe level of anxiety, it is detrimentally easy to convince yourself that there is nothing you can do to make yourself feel any better.  I know now that this is false.  I must get help.  Thanks again for your post.  I appreciate your concern and hope your spouse will also see that he must get help to improve the quality of life for both of you.
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  • Posted

    I went to the gyn appointment.  She diagnosed a UTI and prescribed an antibiotic.  Our conversation about my anxiety, and her recommendations, were not helpful.  I realized that she makes me anxious because she is not empathetic and can be intimidating.  It is definitely time to find someone else.
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    • Posted

      Happy that you went and hopefully the antibiotic will help!!!   Remember to eat some yogurt otherwise, you may get a yeast infection.  I had a meltdown in my GYN office years ago- I was embarrassed but she really wasn't sympathetic.  But she is a  great GYN!!  So I found myself a therapist who helped a great deal!   You may need to see a therapist in regards to your anxiety justs to talk about what's going on.

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