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I hit bottom today with my lifelong anxiety. I am 47 and have had peri symptoms for almost 4 years and there have been times when I have let fear keep me from getting care. Tomorrow morning, I have a gyn appointment for help with some real, legitimately scary symptoms that I hoped would go away or be manageable without medical care. Know what? That’s the story of my life. My narcissistic mother frowns on illness and thinks doctors are saints but doesn’t take good care of herself. I have a chronic autoimmune disease on top of the peri and that’s the only thing that I get care for consistently because I can’t ignore it.
A few months ago, I chose not to call my gyn back when she tried to follow up on lab results. I was frustrated and anxious (as usual) and decided my actions were justifiable when I wrote a complaint to her about my health and accused her of not understanding me. When she replied, I never read the message. I never called her back. I let the fear swallow me whole. It was not fair to her at all. I got in touch with her today and apologized. She never had a chance to try to help and wanted to help.
My mother has told me that she knows she has generalized anxiety disorder but has never been formally diagnosed and won’t seek help. I cannot continue to be similarly arrogant. I do not know better all the time. Sometimes, I need help, maybe even a lot of help.
I am always grateful for the Patient forums. You have been here for me since my first gyn surgery two years ago and I have dropped out a few times but always come back. This community is vital to my healing and wholeness and I am grateful for it. Please send prayers, good thoughts and vibes my way. I have an idea of what I am facing with these symptoms. I also came clean today with my gyn about my lifelong anxiety and I pray that she will know who can help me.
Bless you all.
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