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I got the news Tuesday 2nd of feb that my nephew has Leukemia. He is 2 on feb 28th, so not very old.
The news hit me hard, but I had to step in and support my mum/dad/brother and most importantly my sister who was devastated. I think this made me put my own feelings on the back burner for a bit, so whilst they are now coming to terms and pushing forward with the next step, I am struggling to deal.
The worst aspect is that the anxiety is moving from subject to subject so I am struggling to keep it under control. At first it was just about my nephew and his condition, but it has since started to make me question everything leading to my mind running away with itself.
I am nauseous and that is stopping me from eating, then I am anxious that I am getting sick from not eating, and the cycle begins.
On Monday night I had a long chat with my dad and just spoke out all my fears while he listened and gave support (it helps that he went through a rough spell when his parents died when he was my age, and that he is partly disconnected from this tragedy as my sister is not my dads). This was a real help and I felt hungry after and ate.
The next day (yesterday) I was really good. I got up, I had some breakfast (fruit and fibre), and went to work feeling strong to deal with the day. This good mode went on with only a minor blip at lunch time.
When I came home my partner had made pancakes with bacon, scrambled eggs and maple syrup! It was delicious and I really wanted to eat it, it was such an amazing feeling, like being my normal self again.
I felt so good that I had no worries about my partner going out and visiting her parents and leaving me alone. I even went to bed alone without a worry!
Today has been totally different though. This morning I woke up with what felt like a full stomach, so I worried that I was going to stop eating, and that I would go back to how I was the day before. And of course, this is exactly what has happened!
I have contacted a therapist who is happy to see me, but she is pretty busy and cant see me as soon as I would like.
I thought a forum like this may help me as I may be able to get some support.
I feel like if I can get my eating under control I can stop worrying about my health.
My nephew is doing very well. The Leukemia was caught early and all his results from chemo are positive. He is laughing, playing, and doing so well.
I am not able to take much comfort in this though as I feel I am selfishly worrying about myself!
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