Bad few days

Posted , 4 users are following.

At the risk of moaning, or feeling sorry for myself I want to write a few things..I am 36, married with 2 daughter's and a step daughter. Both my girls have moved out, my husband has a brain injury and collapsed vertebrae in his back. We are in debt with the local council, we have letters and visits from bailiffs. I can't talk to my husband about anything, he gets angry with me and makes his head hurt. I was in a violent relationship for 13 years, I am insecure, awkward, tough but weak and I have no self confidence whatsoever. I actually hate myself, who I've become..the doctor has put me on some anti depressants but I'm having side effects so don't know if I can still take them..I can't see any hope and feel broken. I miss my girls so much it feels like my heart has been ripped out. My oldest daughter was 18 at the weekend, her dad turned up (the man who abused me) and turned me into a gibbering wreck..he didn't even have to talk to me. I have been drunk since Wednesday and its starting to hurt but it's what I know. I am on the road to self destruct and have nothing to live for. My husband and I aren't getting on, he blames me for everything and is so hard on me all the time. I act tough but as you can probably tell I'm really not..I'm broken. I'm trying not to moan on Facebook as my friends think it's funny to wind me up about how miserable I am all the time, so I'm sorry to offload on you all..it kind of helps in a selfish kind of way. X

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Diana,

    I am so sorry to read your story,you really have alot going on in your life and you say you are weak.No No you are very strong otherwise you would not of got this far. You are clearly suffering from depression if the anti-depressants don't suit you then you must go back to your GP there are so may out there there will be one that helps you. You are not broken like me you are bent and we can fix ourselves. Its not going to be easy and you have to want to do it. here if you need me xx

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  • Posted

    You are overwhelmed and have a lot on your plate. Try some different meds and try to stay positive. Try a support group for abused woman maybe. Also a group for spouses of terminally ill might help. You have to have some help in this. Meds and find a real friend to confide in. You can do it. Look how far you have come. Take care

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  • Posted

    Hi Diana, try your best not to turn to alcohol, I use to binge to forget being humiliated and bullied which led to me now suffering panic, attacks, anxiety, depression but I got help I use 75mg of Venlafaxine which works completely for me. I have a persecution complex its like in carrying on the bullying and I relive all the feelings that go with it.

    But the tablets stop it all and I'm a completely different person ....happy and confident. The people that make fun of you aren't your friends you have to look after number one which is you.

    Here if you need to chat.

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  • Posted

    I really understand how you feel,however you are luckier than me in having 2 daughters.I am emotionally abused by my partner,he takes his anger out on me,he puts me down and says I am not normal.I also used to drink,up to 4 bottles of wine,I would hide my drinking problem,none of my family knew.It made life bearable.However when my GP,who I have always been honest with told me it would be dangerous for me to now stop drinking,without medication due to the amount I was consuming.I was in danger of having fits,that was my turning point,it was one more thing that was controlling me and I didnt want that.Mt dr gave me some medication and I started the very next day.It is now 2 years since I drank anything.I dont crave it now,if I feel I am messing out I buy no alcohol wine.I have turned it in to an achievement now,something I have done on my own and noone can take that away from me.Hving said that my problems do seem much bigger now that I have nothing to dull the pain.I take sertraline,maximum dosage and it has helped.I have also tried CBT which didnt help,but now have groupl therapy which is a 2 year commitment.I find it difficult to go but its nice to talk to other abnormal people like myself and not to fear being judges .My point is there are lots of different miedications,sertraline is my third,and there is help out there.The most important thing is to get an understanding GP,and to be totally honest with him or her,otherwise they cant help you.You have 2 wonderful daughters who need you and you are coping in the only way you can for the moment.Use this group to share your problems,because although we are all mentally ill,I find we talk a lot more sense.Take care of yourself.
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