Bad few days

Posted , 2 users are following.

At the risk of moaning, or feeling sorry for myself I want to write a few things..I am 36, married with 2 daughter's and a step daughter. Both my girls have moved out, my husband has a brain injury and collapsed vertebrae in his back. We are in debt with the local council, we have letters and visits from bailiffs. I can't talk to my husband about anything, he gets angry with me and makes his head hurt. I was in a violent relationship for 13 years, I am insecure, awkward, tough but weak and I have no self confidence whatsoever. I actually hate myself, who I've become..the doctor has put me on some anti depressants but I'm having side effects so don't know if I can still take them..I can't see any hope and feel broken. I miss my girls so much it feels like my heart has been ripped out. My oldest daughter was 18 at the weekend, her dad turned up (the man who abused me) and turned me into a gibbering wreck..he didn't even have to talk to me. I have been drunk since Wednesday and its starting to hurt but it's what I know. I am on the road to self destruct and have nothing to live for. My husband and I aren't getting on, he blames me for everything and is so hard on me all the time. I act tough but as you can probably tell I'm really not..I'm broken. I'm trying not to moan on Facebook as my friends think it's funny to wind me up about how miserable I am all the time, so I'm sorry to offload on you all..it kind of helps in a selfish kind of way. X

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    hi diana,sorry to hear ur having such a tough time,but being on anti depressents and drinking together will probably make things feel worse,talk to ur friends off face book ul be suprised how supportive ppl are,ur not alone and theres allways light at the end of the tunnel xx
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  • Posted

    I don't think drinking is helping but it stops me thinking, just for a while. I then struggle with guilt and a hangover! When I'm drunk I'm tough, brave and ready to fight the world, not the sort of person I want to be. Thank you Mica for your kind words. X
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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry for how awful your life has become. Have you any trusted friends or family in whom you can

    confide ? . You need someone in your life who is not going to judge you. Drinking and antidepressants

    taken together are a dangerous combination. Speak to your doctor and if he or she is a compassionate person as well as being a competent doctor they will know what to prescribe for you. It often a few

    weeks to get used to an antidepressant and to see its benefits. I take mirtazapine even tho it makes me sleepy but it does help a little bit from feeling sad. I lost my husband and I miss him so much I wish I

    were with him. When I was at the cemetery today I felt alone and abandoned even tho our marriage wasnot always perfect. I guess nobody's ' is but it sounds like you have had particularly bad luck in yours.

    I wish I could do more for you than to say I wish you a better tomorrow. But I sincerely wish that

    as I'm sure all forum members do. Hang in there and give a prescribed antidepressant a chance to

    work. Good luck.

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  • Posted

    Hi Diana!

    Sorry to hear you're feeling so low. Do you think the doctor fully understands how low you are feeling? Is he fully aware of everything that is happening in your life? Has he offered any other support other than

    medication? Perhaps another visit to the dr would be good to see what help, in addition to the tablets, is available for you.

    Do hope you get the support you need. Keep in touch.

    (((((BIG HUG)))))

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  • Posted

    morning diane,yes i see what the drinking does but like u said the next day ur hungover and feel worse.i understand we look for escapism i do too im a compulsive gambler which is just as painful.

    i also have a husband who just seems so angry all the time,,then i feel bad and guilty...im not on anti depressents but awaiting cognitive behaviour therapy,maybe speak to gp about this or u can do a self referral online.you will get there hun we both will xx

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