Bad jealousy and insecurities.

Posted , 4 users are following.

I'm not sure if this is the right forum so I'm going to be posting on a few others too.

My depression is at its heights at the moment. Started a few days ago, constant crying and feeling very very low and angry too.

Anyway, my partner was texting a woman who he claims to have known from when he used to do horse riding. He says he's speaking to her to arrange for his younger sister to go riding.. but the problem is.. as an example I'm going to use my birthday. Which was Thursday. So we woke up in the morning we'd both been awake a while and it took for me to say to him "aren't you going to wish me happy birthday" to say it to me but he'd basically started messaging the woman as soon as he woke up.

The same happened not yesterday but the day before, normally we spend the morning together. ( as I can't work and he's currently between jobs) but he hadn't spoke to me all morning, but was texting her. I saw the conversation and they weren't flirting from what I could see but it just made me feel like he was more interested in talking to her than spending time with me.

Now, we do both have a few trust issues, he's due to being hurt in past relationship and mine due to my mental illnesses. We know it's not a good thing and most of the time we are fine. He goes out and does whatever he does and I stay home as I don't go out much, and everything is fine.

But previously he has got annoyed and insecure about a male friend of mine and has asked me to block him on social media and not talk to him. So I did.

I'm not the type to be that way toward a partner but as I'm going through a rough patch and my head is all over the place which makes my insecurities strengthen, I asked him not to talk to her or at least not spend so much time talking to her. And he didn't exactly refuse but said he isn't disowning he's friends. Baring in mind we've been together a long time now and he speaks to me about all of his friends and I have never heard him mention her not once. So I'm thinking she must be a new friend. Maybe she's not even who he says she is. Anyway when I bought it up to him that when he asked me to not talk to my friend I stopped and respected how he felt about it and he's response was "well you can talk to him then".

This bothers me because it seems to me that he thinks it's one rule for him and another for me. Why all of a sudden am I "aloud" to talk to my friend just because I pulled him up on the fact that I stopped talking to him when he asked but he won't do the same for me temporarily.

It's making me think he's interested in her in a way he shouldn't be if he's with me.

He keeps saying "we are just friends" but myself and My male friend we generally just friends and he still didn't want me talking to him.

I don't know what to do or say or think. He has now blocked her number on his phone but I can't help but think he's either just changed the name of the contact to something else or he is talking to her else where on social media or something.

He says things like "I don't have many friends" blah blah blah.. but the point is I used to see my friends near enough everyday before we got together and after a while he didn't like me hanging out with them because there were often guys around which were friends of my friends. So I stopped seeing all of my friends. And when I tried to rebel and get him used to me seeing my friends for an hour or a half every now and then he'd be stressy and accuse me of cheating when I came home. (Baring in mind the friends I used to see live right next door, so it's not like I was out gallivanting.)

I know this all sounds childish and a lot of people will say we shouldn't be together if we can't trust each other but it hasn't been a major problem until now.

And I don't want my jealousy to push him away, nor do I want these constant feelings that he's going behind my back, or he's going to get bored of me because I don't go out much so we can't do social things together which might lead him to wanting someone else because they can offer more than I can. And are more interesting or exciting than me.

I don't know what to do, the more I try not to let it bother me the more my mind finds little things to get jealous over.

I'm aware most of it is probably in my head or I'm just thinking too far into things but don't want this to come between us because other than the odd disagreement and this situation we get on really well and are (as far as I know) generally happy together. I just can't handle my insecurities but it feels as though he's triggering them on purpose and it is probably in my head that he's triggering them because deep down I don't think he'd want me to feel this way but I can't kick these worries.

Does anyone else understand or expierence this? Does any one have any advice to calm my mind?

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Kellie

    Yes I can understand  what is going on, what is good for the goose is good for the gander.

    I do not know how long you have been going out together, although I can see why this is may be happening, it may be down to familiararity and the length of time you have been together. It can be boredom I suppose and your man may feel flattered talking to his past partner. He will feel regards your telephone calls possibly He will feel threatened.

    You have a lot to talk about possible future relationship and both your needs need to be addressed. No-one here can really advise as we are a mental health Forum. Do you feel a maariage should have been entered into, this may have restricted his activities, or do you understand He is taking advantage of you and it may be a time of departures. Only you and your Man can answer that

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  • Posted

    Hi it sounds to me like this man is very controlling and is making it difficult for you to have any freedom änd live a normal life.  He expects this for himself though so is a hypocrite.  I don't believe in double standards but he clearly does. 

     

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    • Posted

      Pressed reply too soon.  I think the t?o of you need a serious tâlk and lay down a few ground rules.  One thing I have found though is give some people an inch and they will take a mile.  He sounds like one of those.  It's healthy to keep your friends so I think you should carry on seeing them. x

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  • Posted

    Good Afternoon I know exactly how you feel. I too have a mental health problem but me and my partner are very insecure people. He doesn't like me talking to guys that are friends of my friend as he has expressed why he doesn't like it. Yet if he's talking to other women I have to just sit and accept it. I made a decision that I wasn't having that and told him to get rid of them if he wanted to be in a relationship with me which he did. He's very supportive in that way and many guys wouldn't do that. We are both insecure and we want it to work as we love each other and I'm hoping to be more than that and become best friend partners as well as lovers. In arguments we have said things there was one point where I went on a night out against his will he hated it and was constantly paranoid after I went on it but I haven't done anything. I just put my foot down and was like I haven't been out in ages. I realised just how insecure I was as I haven't been on a night out since Christmas and I didn't even enjoy it and lots of accusations afterwards but I wouldnt have gone back to my partner if I've done anything to begin with. He was just being paranoid. I do think it stems down to his past partners cheating but I sometimes feel he can be quite hurtful with words when he's angry but he's not angry he's just nervous about what could possibly happen.

    My advice would be you need to find someone that trusts you and you need them to give you the space you so rightly deserve and if your feeling he's being unfair then move on because there will be someone out there who treats you better.

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