Bartholin gland removed

Hello,

I had my left bartholin gland removed on jan 14, 2021.

I am having extreme emotional distress and anxiety ever since. I am experiencing overwhelming regret and I can't seem to shake it and I was hoping to find some comfort or hope from anyone who has gone through this same procedure.

Here's my back story:

10 years ago I had a bartholin cyst that I had operated on and removed. Everything has been fine since. Then a year ago I got another cyst. I couldn't remember what side my original one was (right) and this time it was on the left. The doctor asked me if it was the same side and I said I couldn't remember. He assumed it was the same side and insisted that I have my gland removed. He said it was my only option. He assured me that I wouldn't even notice it was gone and that it wouldn't effect my lubrication.

Now that I am just over 2 months recovered I am noticing a big difference in my body. I am still experiencing pain at the incision site, but assume it will go away with time. My left labia and inside of my vagina is numb and I'm afraid this might be permanent. My vagina is now deformed. It is all bumpy and ugly all along the left side of my inner labia. Also, I don't get nearly as wet as I used to, even though he said it wouldn't effect that.

I am very upset because since I've had my surgery, I've been examining myself closely and have noticed a scar on my right side which is from my first surgery 10 years ago. So it turns out my first cyst was on the right and this time the cyst was on the left. And his reasoning for removing my gland was because he thought both cysts were on the same side so best to remove the gland. But now that I notice the first scar is on the right it makes me wonder why he didn't consult my medical chart history to be sure that it was the same side, or even notice the scar when examining me. Also, at my last check up he started examining my right side and said I healed very nicely and I had to correct him and say "no it was the left side". and he was confused for a second and said "the left side? oh". which makes me think he saw the old scar and thought that's where he had operated.

I feel like I had an unnecessary surgery to remove my gland when I could have kept it. I feel like a part of my womanhood has been taken from me.

I am completely distraught about this. I feel so ugly down there and it feels completely different. I constantly think about it all day long because I can feel the lumps when I stand or sit or walk.

Please someone give me some sort of advice. How do I get over this and learn to live with it?

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