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Ever since i was younger. i never really been happy. i tried to commit sucide probably several times before the age of 14. never really cared for living and thats something that always use to scare me tbh. like i never feared death and as i got older i started thrill seeking lately. i tried to hold on to people and things for support but i loose interest fast. i set unrealistic goals and smoke hella weed. but some how still accomplish them and it feel like life a joke. like ever since i got in my 20s i been feeling like i been going to die. like death is really right there and i got to accomplish everythinf before that expiration date is reached. i am now 25 and ever since the new year 2020 started the Disassociation from life been gettinf realer . it feel like im out side of my body and just waitinf to watch my own death. it like damn i know im probably wont accomplish this one goal in life . probably the only goal i ever had was to be a dope father to my kids and have my own family. but lately it feel like when i dream it comes to reality. so im avoiding sleeping because i keep havinf dreams im going to die the same way. like as i keep havinf these dreams is becomes clearer and clearer that death seem to be real near.
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