Been feeling lost lately, numb, really not caring, feeling like death is coming.

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Ever since i was younger. i never really been happy. i tried to commit sucide probably several times before the age of 14. never really cared for living and thats something that always use to scare me tbh. like i never feared death and as i got older i started thrill seeking lately. i tried to hold on to people and things for support but i loose interest fast. i set unrealistic goals and smoke hella weed. but some how still accomplish them and it feel like life a joke. like ever since i got in my 20s i been feeling like i been going to die. like death is really right there and i got to accomplish everythinf before that expiration date is reached. i am now 25 and ever since the new year 2020 started the Disassociation from life been gettinf realer . it feel like im out side of my body and just waitinf to watch my own death. it like damn i know im probably wont accomplish this one goal in life . probably the only goal i ever had was to be a dope father to my kids and have my own family. but lately it feel like when i dream it comes to reality. so im avoiding sleeping because i keep havinf dreams im going to die the same way. like as i keep havinf these dreams is becomes clearer and clearer that death seem to be real near.

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  • Posted

    You have a goal of being a dope father to a family? Well not being funny but I hope you never have kids to mess up for life!

    You need to start getting yourself yourself together, and the first thing to tackle is your weed habit as its clearly playing games with your head. Weed will do this. Once you have managed that then you will be able to start to understand why you need such a crutch and begin to get some proper medical help.

    For what it's worth this is my advice.

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  • Posted

    in my opinion, I think its awesome that your number 1 goal is to have a family and be a good dad. I think you should hold onto that goal and be inspired by it. Personally I know people who say smoking helps them a lot in life. I doubt that's the cause of how you're feeling since you said you've always kind of felt like this. I'd seriously consider going to a doctor/therapist and talking through your issues as well as possibly getting medication to help. Best of luck to you!

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