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Hi all. So, this is my second visit to depression, first time round was maybe teen years ago, diagnosed as clinical depression then and I was very unwell for a long time. I don't remember most of it but I do remember swearing to myself that it would never happen again. But it has.
I started on 20mg Citalopram and some sleeping tablet in February, the sleeping tablet was dropped a few weeks later. I think it was about three weeks ago that I was put on 30mg Citalopram and 15mg Mirt. I an still finding it difficult getting to sleep and I am still drinking way too much alcohol trying to get to sleep. Don't even mention weight. Arrggghhhh.
I have become a recluse. I hate, absolutely hate to leave the house. I hate when the phone rings and I hide when I see the postman.
I think about putting an end to it all frequently but I'm afraid I'd mess it up and end up so severely disabled I'd still be thoroughly depressed and completely incapable of any escape.
I am in a big black all encompassing hole. Since starting with mirt I no longer cry (I was crying all day long before) and I have a curious feeling of calm despite always feeling really anxious and scared at the same time.
I spend my day doing mostly nothing, time just passes, I have the attention span of a goldfish. I set myself tasks to try and get moving, I'm largely unsuccessful in achieving them.
I think that's basically a fair description of how things are for me. Just wanted to record out here for any other lurkers looking to find someone, something to identify with. Depression is such a lonely place to be.
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