Been on Zolpidem for nearly 10 years

Hello,

I have been on Zolpidem for nearly 10 years. It has helped me drastically with mental health, and turned me from being totally suicidal to confident and able to grab some sleep. That extra sleep helped me deal with my mental health through the day.

I have been taking 10 mg every night for these years, and at the beginning I did take 20 or 30 mg some nights but I stopped that as it was meaning I was filling scripts too early. It was silly.

Now, my doctor phoned me out of the blue, to mention the government has tasked GPs with trying to get people off long term medication like Diazpeam, painkillers and Z drugs, or similar to those. He said to me '' I wasn't to panic '' as he would never cut someone off who has been on them for years.

He said long term he would like to discuss how he can help me, with an end goal of seeing if I ever wanted to come off them. He also said he would not force anyone on long term medication off without their permission, but I have read stories where that's just not the case.

I was shocked and told him honestly; my mental health hasn't been great and I was considering asking to speak to someone as I think I actually have OCD, and not generalised anxiety.

I said I can understand why you are tasked with this, for money reasons, but he said it wasn't about money. Anyway, I said to him, You need to get me real help before even considering discussing long term where I may not take these. I need to speak to someone about my mental health and get that under control, then from there maybe things are better for me, and it can be discussed.

Also I have a 5 month old baby so right now it's like '' s**t, is he just going to be a dick to me and say right nope, you're done son '', leading me to then probably drink every day to deal with my mental health. That leads to more problems, and he even said that '' Look taking you off would probably do more bad than good, so it's not what I'm doing ''

Also I haven't even considered he might say ''I'm sending you to rehab'' even though that would do no good at all because I would still need to speak to a specialist about my mental health, and would relapse and have serious spike in mental health, well, because I haven't dealt with the underlying problem. I hope not?

Also I take anti depressants, but who knows if that works. I felt it did at the start but now I don't know. Also take beta blockers one tablet a day, which now I can't even say works. It takes away the physical symptoms of anxiety where I would gag often, and it makes me less irritable.

Can someone offer advice? I am not someone who has taken illegal drugs either, and I am not the type who seeks drugs, so I can say I am not a drug addict in societies terms. I am someone who has been on medication that has helped me, and can't understand why governments want to push people away, when they know they help and give a better quality of life. Also I do agree that they have to try and help with the underlying issue, if they can't, then everyone will be on medication for ever, but in some cases, some people will always need something like this, and may never come off them. I told him outright, I reckon without these, I wouldn't have been here, and now after 9 years, I have a wife, a house I bought myself, a dog, and now a baby girl ''. Like I understand that was also my doing, but this little pill gave me peace of mind, and that's the truth. I also am a scratch golfer or was, but decided to stop for a few years. During this 9 years, I won huge events, county events and I remember at the start of my anxiety, I was kind of struggling, I felt out of control, and my golf suffered, however If I can remember rightly, I had success even without being on the pills.

I'm scared, because it means I will have to be open about my mental health again and I'm at a time where my focus is all on my daughter, and also terrified what he is going to say to me. Terrified to admit I have some sort of serious problem that I've never truly been able to deal with since the start?

What do these conversations go like? As simple as how are you, what can we do to help, and me explaining, then asking to be referred to a specialist in mental health? How can I speak to him with confidence and not feel bullied? I didn't get that impression from him.

Thanks,

P.S - Have actually cut down my drinking to only 3 days a week and It's fairly in control so that I am quite proud of. I was kind of drinking 5 days a week and decided to cut that out. Doctor knew I was drinking around 30 units per week anyway.

I am going to die I think. I mean I drink 3 days a week and take a sleeping tablet 6 days a week. There's no hope for me, I feel it's a matter of time before I just drop dead, or is that just not the case?

Took urine tests and all was fine, done a few this year. Started walking every day, walking my dog twice a day, and usually get 7,500 steps in at work.

HELP!!!!

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