Been signed off work, don't know how to tell my partner!

Posted , 8 users are following.

My partner & I have been together 11 years, I have suffered from anxiety on and off over the years and each time he has been unsupportive and says to "pull myself together".

I have been experiencing anxiety and panic attacks before work for the last 3 weeks. I took yesterday off as a sick day which he was mad about - in his words he "has never been off work ill and always pushes through". I told him I wanted to see a doctor now and he said "sort your problems out but don't tell me all about it"! So today I went to the doctor, I totally broke down, and she signed me off for a week (she wanted to sign me off longer but that in itself makes me more anxious) - I also have made an appointment for counselling.

My partner has come home in a good mood, but not asked me how I am or anything, almost as though yesterday's "conversation" didn't happen. I don't know how to tell him I have been signed off, he is going to be angry...he said not to tell him about it all...so does he want me to do it but not tell him? I am so confused. He will know tomorrow when I'm not leaving the house for work! I don't know if I should bring it up tonight or not?! sad

1 like, 16 replies

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16 Replies

  • Posted

    OOOH this is a tough one. He does not sound like a very supportive person. Is it possible for you to talk to him and show him some medical literature? A lot of people have anxiety and think it's "normal". I would get yourself that counselling session as soon as possible and discuss it with her. She may be able to advise you on the best way to tell him. Maybe not telling him is best for right now -- he will be angry if you tell him, angry if you don't, if he is the kind of person I think he is. Give yourself some time to rest. It's not like you were fired, you are just taking some days off and you are an adult and can do that whenever want.
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    • Posted

      Thank you, I think at the moment he is contributing to my feelings because I am stressed at the thought of even attempting to talk to him but know if I don't talk to him he will be angry anyway when he eventually finds out!
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  • Posted

    Hi Mrszone, that is a dilemma but your partner needs to think about what he's saying. When someone says pull yourself together I say " Jo I don't think I will as I like being like this"! 

    Partner is obviously ignorant of the true dibilitating nature of a mental illness, ask him would he be the same if you had cancer? I doubt he would, when in fact deoression and anxiety is a serious illness.

    You need to be as assertive as you can and tell him you are feeling very ill and as a result your GP has seen it fit to sign you off, you cannot influence how he reacts as that's ip yo him, you can only tell him the truth.

    If he reacts with anger then that is out of order but his way of dealing with it, let him blow off steam but don't give in, you are what's important not his reaction so take the time off that you need to get well.

    On a final note if he goes to work Ill then he's irresponsible both to himself and his collegues, plus I bet he doesn't come home wearing a medal for doing so!

    Please let us know how you get on and feel free to message me if you need support.

    Neilx 

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry what your going through sad my partner was the same at first! Until he saw me have a panick attack in a shop. Having a mental illness can be very lonely, I have lost many friends too. I've learnt through out my anxiety journey, how much support you really do need. Mental health is serious, just because you look ok, does not mean you feel it!

    personally if I was you, I'd sit him down and tell him. You don't need this extra stress, you need to focus on yourself. And if he doesn't like it, that's his fault not yours.- you didn't choose to have this illnesss.

    I really hope you feel better and you have support from family. Sending you big hugs xxxx

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  • Posted

    It is hard I no how you feel if they don't suffer from it they don't understand they don't believe how ill if can make you feel i suffer from it really bad what are you symptoms how does it make u feel 
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    • Posted

      I cry, my heart races, my hearing starts to go, I feel as though I might faint, I feel like I can't breathe, can't calm down. I feel like I have lost control of everything. It is awful, Afterwards I feel totally drained, I have no energy. He has witnessed it a few times but usually just gets "annoyed" that I won't (can't) calm down. sad
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    • Posted

      I no it's realyy hard it's taken over my life I would just sit down and just be straight and tell him how you feel and if he don't wanna listen or care he ain't worth it 
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  • Posted

    i have suffered from anxiety too for years my partner i have to say is fab - BUT i also have to say he has despaired sometimes, and I must say that I cannot blame him as this must be very very frustrating for loved ones to see you like this, 

    can i ask you tho is your job affecting you and adding to the anxiety, ? because if so can you not change it?  i had to leave my job because i just couldnt go on any longer with the anxiety in my job, money is just not everying and your health is the most important thing in the world,just some thoughts? debi

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  • Posted

    Pull your socks up, that's another one with people that don't get it or what would be said 50 years ago.

    I would say that he is insensitive and mental problems are off his radar. Old fashioned. 

    I wish you luck

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    • Posted

      In a relationship you have to support each other and when you are in a crisis no matter what he should be supporting you. That is what a relationship is all about. Maybe he does not mean to be insensitive, maybe he needs education on that side of human distress.

      If you can't turn to your boyfriend without him being dismissive and saying "sort your problems out ,don't tell me about it" then you need to consider why you would be with someone like that.

      You are not supposed to be alone in a relationship.

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  • Posted

    Sorry for what you are going through. Your partner sounds like my ex-husband. He was never supportive. My husband now is a God send. He is my rock and support.

    People don't understand what it is like unless they have gone through it. My ex chose not to try to understand and my current husband said I do not understand what you are going through but I am here for you and to support you and he does.

    Hope everything works out for you. Stop focusing on your partner and focus on getting yourself better.

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  • Posted

    He isn't being fair I have suffered with health anxiety the last 4 years

    since my miscarriage and lost my job as the anxiety took over and my

    husband was so supportive as knows it's an awful thing to go through u have t o tell him if he isn't supportive then u are better off without him the one person U should expect to get support off is your partner feel for u x

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    • Posted

      I have to agree here...unfortunately it will be very stressful for you to have an argument like this with him, but if he is making you more stressed and depressed, he has got to change or go. You can't hurt yourself or let him hurt you. You have enough crap going on.
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  • Posted

    Thank you everyone, I brought it up with him and he was very angry for a few minutes saying things like "You will lose your job" and "You will never work" and I said to him "No, I probably won't, not if I don't get help!" Since then he has yet again gone back to his own lovely world as though nothing has been said...

    In all honesty I don't want to go back to my workplace, I wish my counselling was sooner as I will more than likely have to go back to work before my first session. I should be trying to focus on me and relaxing, not worrying whilst I am signed off but I am just constantly thinking of when I am due back to work and I have even more time to worry about it now! sad

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    • Posted

      Seems like he has some serious issues himself which project onto you in your crisis. The problem from his side lies with him. His angry reaction is his problem

      Don't let him intimidate you. If any of my sisters were with a man like that it would be stopped. I would but an end to a selfish man like that.

      I feel uncomfortable for you.

       

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