Beginning to consider that I have depression but I'm embarassed/worried to think so...

Posted , 4 users are following.

Basically posting here as a sounding barrier before I make a doctor's app.

I've been struggling for a while now with generally just feeling low. I can't sleep, i either eat all the time or don't at all. I have no interest in things that I used to love and I feel like i cant remember the last time i laughed. I could be in a room with lots of my closest friends yet feel like i'm alone and couldn't be more distant to them.

A lot has changed these past 6 months and I have a brother who has been suffering from depression. I think this is why i struggle to admit I have it too. He has been quite bad lately and I'm always the one he speaks to but I feel like it's becoming a bit much.

I feel like I could either explode with emotion: anger/upset/frustration/guilt or I am completely numb and feel nothing. Its like a switch and i've yet to pin-point what causes it.

I haven't spoke to anyone with regards to this yet because I'm just coming to terms with the fact this might be whats wrong. I feel like I haven't been myself the last 6 months at least and I'm a shadow of the person I used to be. I feel like when I'm smiling and 'having a laugh' that people can see its just put on. But the problem is that they don't see it's just put on, so it's easy for me to carry on like everything is fine when in fact it really isn't. Some days I can't face getting out of bed so I just go through the motions of the day. I dont feel much but struggle to make decisions.

Just looking for some advice and a bit of knoweledge knowing I'm not the only person that feels this way.

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    You're not alone!

    All that you're saying is how I've felt and I've been getting treated for depression, go to your GP and say all that you have here!

    I can empathise with the "everyone thinks you're ok" because I've become a great one at feeling nothing and people think I'm the life n soul, in fact, if I have a few drinks, I enjoy being this "other" person!

    I won't go on, as I'm not in a good place myself at the moment, I just saw you're post and wanted you to get help and maybe heal

    Best wishes and a hug

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I think you would be surprised by the number of people who have to put on a mask to go through the motions and get through the day. And a lot of those people might "sleepwalk" their way through life and never seek medical help or advice. They might just settle thinking that the way they feel is the way it is always going to be. The difference with those on this forum, and others who do seek medical advice, is that we recognise that something isn't quite right and that there should be a way of dealing with it. You have recognised this in yourself, so it's a sign of strength and self-awareness not weakness. The thing with depression is that all sufferers are different and that there are many routes to recovery. It would definitely be worth speaking to your doctor about how you feel, especially as you have noticed your character change over the course of 6 months.

    My brother suffers from long-term depression (as do other members of my family). I find that I'm the one who often confides in him and he is strong when I am at my lowest. I don't take for granted the impact that this could have on his own mental well-being so I try to be supportive to him when I can be. It's a sign of your compassionate nature that you have been so supportive to your brother but it's possible that his depression could be having an effect on you. I'm not suggesting you distance yourself from your brother or stop doing what you're doing but it's definitely time to start thinking about your own health and resilience. Any relationship where at least one of the parties is depressed, can become more complicated but it doesn't need to damage it altogether. Learning about depression equips you to recognise warning signs, triggers, etc and forewarned is forearmed (as they say) ;-)

    Good luck buddy and let us know how you get on. Most of all, try not to get stressed about it. Take care.

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  • Posted

    Dear G4129 you are at rhat wretched stage of not seeing the wood for the trees.

    Been there done that. As soon as you can,  ring the Samaritans in your area and read them your copy to this site should you be nervous talking to a stranger. They can advise what services to contact where you live.  The later you avoid sharing with caring folk, the more the fog will thicken. Sincerest good wishes.

    bruce99901

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