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How long can you apologize to those you hurt. Will they ever understand you weren't well? How long do you hold on to hope that these people you hurt will love you again or trust you when they won't even discuss how they truly feel about you. I've been struggling with this but I think I have to, must! Leave it all in the past. I don't want to beg anymore. I don't want to be and look pathetic. I hurt them, I get it. How long do I hope and pray for a response on how they feel about us. I'm "normal" now. Take my meds, go to therapy. I love myself and believe in me. I just have found it difficult to forgive me for what I did. Now, I'm thinking...for my own good, I need to leave the past in the past. I lost that battle...I surrender because I want to live life to its fullest. The hope and love for them has not allowed me to move on. I think I must for my own healthy life. I'll always regret that I hurt them but I can't change it. They don't know the real loving, caring person I am. I'm flawed but I strive to be the best I can be today. Soon, I'll be making decisions that won't ever allow them back in. I can honestly say...I tried! But I have to live my life with or without them. I'll always love them. I think I've done my best. They were my world and they'll never know how much. Thanks for reading...just had to get it off my chest. See it in writing and know that its time to let go.
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