being nice

Hi Michelle,

Don't worry about spelling and grammar, hardly anyone else does - as long as we can make out what your content is about, so we can understand what your saying, no body really really cares. I for one dont care, most of the time on high on medication so my spelling can be terrible. But people who know me know what I suffer from and medication problems.

I care alot about other people and their dilemmas, even though I am very much disabled and on high levels of medications, I have been through all sorts of illnesses over the years, hit by cancer once so far, died nearly twice, and now I'm now being tested for prostate cancer again! But, I am always on here giving people advice where I can, and helping them out, because if being at some point in the same situation as them, and medicines.

I suffer from depression and anxiety, but to me it's normal under my circumstances - I'm on over 40+ tablets a day, I cannot get around much anyway, so being on here helping people and giving advice to the best of my knowledge I find relaxing, I wouldn't say depression and anxiety comes from answering questions though - I guess it could perhaps, come from helping people if you take it maybe too far, I personally think mine stems back years but thats just me, others may say different.

Regards,

Les.

Dear Michelle,

First, let me wish you a very happy Christmas Tide. I do hope that the joy of this festival superabounds over your depression and anxiety. I do agree with Les. Making yourself understood is the important thing. Spelling, grammar and typos are of no concern. Everyone on this forum is here because of great stress and anxiety and sorrow. We need to be most tollerent on account of that. And we all have bad days and that can issue in ill judged words and phrases. 

Through all your note a kindness and sensitivity shines through. That I believe is the real you. It will be your depression that makes you doubt your fine qualities. I look forward to reading more of your posts and becoming a friend just as I have come to own Les as a dear friend.

Yes I do pray that these fogs of depression and anxiety will be dispelled and your true character will shine out both now in this holiday season and on through 2015.

George

It is normal but not common.What you do and how u feel for others is just amazing. But then u dont always get the same kind of response or feeling from others. That is where depression and anxiety gets their chance to bother you. Make one rule brother to be good is good but to be too good is a sin. You know excess of everything even being nice is bad. So I dont think they are symptoms for depression but they can be contributing to your depression or anxiety. 

Hi Michelle--Often people learn to value others over themselves when they have had to take care of the feelings of an important person early in their lives--and their emotional survival depended on being sensitive and responsive. While a sensitive temperament likely predisposes to this responsiveness, often someone (usually a parent) early in life required emotional caretaking and may even have been conditionally accepting based on pleasing him or her. Growing up in this way teaches the person to be very intuitive and emotionally responsive, often to the detriment of one's own needs. It's not a pattern that continues to be very good for the person after they have grown. However, after developing thisinterpersonal pattern, such people often can continue to develop relationships as givers who may keep being taken advantage of from takers because of not attending to their own needs and boundaries. They may be afraid of losing love and approval if they listen to their own needs in a relationship. Of course, it's best to be more in balance with oneself too, as well as with others. That can be hard for someone who has learned to be a giver. Counseling can be really helpful to see these patterns and get some help learning how to listen to your own needs a bit better. Hope this helps. --Suzanne

Hi Michelle,

From personal experience being nice, can increase depression and anxiety. How often have you been hurt from bending over backwards to help people only to be kicked in the teeth by the same person. The fact that you were so kind to them and they repay you so badly makes it feel 100 times worse.

People who are givers generally attract takers, it is good that you are reaching out for others like yourself who are kind. Trim all the takers from your life. Learn to say NO! No you cannot borrow money, no you cannot borrow my car and no I will not babysit while you go and party!

I understand that being generous to others can be rewarding but if you can channel that generosity to people who deserve it rather than those who request it. It is less likely to come back and bite you.

All the best

Gloria

Hi Michelle ~

I believe what you're experiencing is part of depression and anxiety.  I have depression from chronic pain but because of this, I do get depressed with a lot of other issues now.  Maybe this could be a year that you're better to yourself as you've been in the past.  I mean, that you put other's before your needs, and at times, that is a must.  However, if you don't take care of yourself, what good will you be in the future...will you start to resent those who you are  putting first?

We give to ourselves what we feel we deserve, and, that isn't necessarily the right thing to do.  If you came from low self esteem, then you most likely will care about others more than yourself because sometimes we feel it will help maintain a friendship.  Just keep this in mind, true friendship shouldn't be work or hard.   If you're working too hard and the other person isn't putting forth any effort, then perhaps you might want to think about why you value this person in your life.  Just a thought.  You sound like a very nice person, one I'd love to meet.  It has taken me a long time to discover that with friendship, that if it is at all my expense keeping the friendship and the other party doesn't really put anything into it (like they may give you the impression that the friendship is all on you) really, you do need to reevaluate your  priorities.  Just sayin'

Warm regards,

Frustrated

i tend to be more concerned about helping others as it takes my mind away from my own health challenges, and my prognosis is likely to be life changing in terms of my mobility innthe future