Being with someone with anxiety and emotional limbo

Posted , 7 users are following.

I do not have an anxiety order but I have been experiencing very difficult times with my partner who does. I feel emotionally abused whenever he's having an anxiety attack. I am the cause of his anxiety, it seems. It starts out as something he feels bad about, I listen, I stay calm for him but he pushes and prompts until I breakdown, it seems. And then he reveals that it's his anxiety. After all of the arguments, I say that everything will be fine and that everything is my fault and is on me. It feels very lonely because I know that I cannot turn to him for comfort because he's need my comfort and I have to be there for him. I've been reading a lot on how to be there and take care of someone with anxiety but it doesn't say anywhere how to handle someone with anxiety when you're the cause. I'm afraid that it's taking a toll on our relationship and I don't want it to go down the drain. sad Help sad

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  • Posted

    I don't think you can be blamed for his anxiety..

    I have anxiety and my partner doesn't. She has been a rock for me, especially on the bad days where I just don't know what to do with myself. I would never blame her or take this out on her and would be ten times worse without her support. Yes it can be frustrating to deal with but you can't take it out on loved ones.

    Anxiety is driven just as physically aos it is emotionally. Has he had therapy to understand what his triggers are or has he seeked medical help?

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    • Posted

      No therapy. Thoughts about me seems to trigger his anxiety. Maybe I'm just not good for him. sad

      Happy to know that your partner has been your rock. It's nice to know that this could work for some people too. It plays with my head and my heart a lot. One minute it's great and then he's getting mad at me about something then it's his anxiety and then he's sorry or not that it happened. I don't know what to do. I just want to make him happy. 

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  • Posted

    Stop blaming yourself, it's dragging you down and that's not fair on you. He needs to get help to find out the real cause. Seems like he's using you as an excuse to finding out the real reason behind his anxiety. Anxiety is the reason why I'm single, I couldn't let someone else have to go through what I go through. It's amazing that you're there supporting him but maybe this is something he needs to deal with alone then come back to you when he's stronger and can appreciate you for the massive help you are to him. Hope this helps

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    • Posted

      Thank you for this, Emma90792. I just don't want him to feel that he's alone in this. But what you said makes sense too. Maybe I'm also not helping by being readily available. I really don't know. I'm just really drained right now. sad Is it possible to catch someone's anxiety? sad 

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  • Posted

    To be honest with you, isabeliturralde, it doesn't sound like you are just battling anxiety when it comes to your partner. From what you said (and I can only make an assumption based on your post,) it sounds like this person is emotionally abusing you and then blaming his actions onto anxiety.

    I can echo Thomas and his fantastic response to you. I too suffer terribly from anxiety and I know it can be hard on my partner, but I also know my anxiety is mine alone and I would never push my feelings into him, nor would I say hurtful things or act in an emotionally punishing way.

    We all have our hang ups. I believe anxiety is a hang up. Perhaps some may disagree with me..this isn't to say that I believe fighting anxiety helps because it doesn't. Anxiety has to be accepted and dealt with...but even so, some days I still feel anxiety is my burden.

    But this is the key point: it is MY burden and not my husbands.

    Be careful that your partner is not making excuses to abuse you. I suggest you look up the behaviour of gas lighting and see if you can relate...please let us know how you get on x

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  • Posted

    Having a partner with anxiety is very tough. His anxiety is not your fault. I am sure that you are doing your level best. Be careful that the relationship does not cause you to become anxious. Living with an anxious partner for a number of years caused me to develop severe anxiety. I love her very much but recognise that the relationship has taken a toll on me.
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  • Posted

    Watch the video on YouTube the black dog it will explain everything you need to know
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