Best I've been in years till recently (Sleep, Depression, Anxiety) HELP?

Posted , 3 users are following.

Hi, hope everyone is doing great. I want to share with people how I improved myself with the 3 things listed above. I've had terrible Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia for years and until recently I was on the path to Glory and Success! Don't get me wrong, I still feel I am on this path, but lately the Insomnia has reoccurred and intern affected my Anxiety and Depression. 

3 or more months ago I was trapped in a life I hated, I just sat in my room the entire day, worrying about stuff I didn't need to worry about, feeling down, hopeless and thinking I can't get out of this lifestyle. And pretty much not sleeping at all when I went to bed at night. I was a mess quite frankly. I thought about sleep all day and I've come to realize that was my downfall. I had so much built up anxiety over the thought of sleeping. I would obsess looking over the internet, buying pills that had little to no effect and at my wits end. I even binge drank alcohol as much as I could to knock myself out just to get a few more hours so I didn't feel as "dead" the next day. 

I've also had Social Anxiety my entire life so I feel awful around people and social situations. I go red, watery eyed ect and that really affected my willpower to even leave my room, let alone the house. 

Lately I have taken steps to get better. I have left the house much more regularly, even stuff as simple as walking down the street is easy now even though it used to be something I would avoid at all costs. I have started going to the gym on my own and doing cardio to get myself back into shape. (I couldn't even imagine going to the gym on my own a couple of months back) I would think everyone was looking at me or making fun of me, and that triggered the redness of the face and embarrassment I was so afraid of. 

Basically these past few months I haven't even gave sleep a second thought and that has really helped my sleep. I've honestly had the best sleep, mindset and general positivity towards life I've had in years until recently. The insomnia has returned and a very debilitating form of it too. I've still been going to the gym even though I virtually haven't been sleeping. I cycled 12 kilometers yesterday even though I was exhausted and then ran on the treadmill and did some leg machines. I was really hoping that would sort my sleep out for that night because I was so physically and mentally drained, but no. Literally didn't sleep any better than if I would of sat in my room all day. I go off for a few hours then wake up, then go into this half sleep kind of feeling where I day dream and constantly "come to" every hour or so looking at my clock thinking "Is that all the time that's passed???" Honestly an hour feels longer than an hour if I was completely awake. This happens the entire night and I get up feeling exhausted sad This has really killed my positive vibes and motivation as of late and I honestly feel too exhausted to go gym. I feel like I'd have a heart attack or something silly. Yesterday my heart was at 190 BPM, that has to be that high due to my exhaustion. I also find myself uncontrollably worrying again about sleep and day to day life when I thought I was past all of this nonsense. I feel like I've fell back in the ditch again even though I'm trying harder than ever to get out of it with my lifestyle changes. I do relaxation techniques every single night and I honestly go to sleep calm most nights, yet I still wake up? When I do wake up I notice my thoughts are going 100MPH and I'll even have songs playing in my head even though I'm relaxed keeping me awake. Then I'll slip into what feels like a daydream because I still feel completely conscious. I get up the next day exhausted, incredibly heavy watery eyes just feeling dreadful.

I am on 30mg Mirtazapine if that helps. Is there anything I can do to stop this? I have general anxiety disorder so I find it very hard to stop worrying about something. I can literally sway my focus completely to something else, but it will still be there eating away at me. I know why this is happening. Its anxiety. I just don't know how to stop it and why it has flared up again when I've been so positive lately. Thanks for reading, I know its long. If you have any advise I'm all ears.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Beezwax, (Funny user name by the way) So sorry you are having a hard time. Anxiety and depression is like many diseases in that you can come out of remission and have your old symptoms once again. You are doing some really positive things. Keep up the hard work and hopefully you will feel better once again.
  • Posted

    Its the mirtazapine causing the morning whizzing dreaming, ive had it since using it.  Its horrible.  Lots on this site complain Bout it.  Maybe a different anti dep would help.
    • Posted

      Thanks. I tried Sertraline but that really didn't settle right with me. I'm debating having 15mg tonight instead of the 30mg to see if that helps. The 30mg has been serving me well until lately so I can't get my head around why its just started happening. I definitely don't want to go up to 45mg because that made me feel like a zombie in the past.

    • Posted

      Me too. I couldnt tolerate 30 even 15 made me zombieish. Now on 7.5 but finding it hard to drop.  Anxiety rockets. My body didnt like sertraline so i had to stop it. I am wondering if its ssris which are the problem. Might be worth discussing with dr

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