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better to go it alone.......

Posted , 5 users are following.

simon8173
simon8173

Hi guys, well I'm almost a month into my treatment and feeling not too bad, however, those of you who know me will know that I am doing this alone as my wife can't cope with my situation. So, was doing well today until wife decided she's going clubbing. She ask me if I was ok with this, I told her I was still struggling with the anxiety issues but she went out anyways. So now I have decided to leave her and get well as she is only hindering my recovery. Am I cruel to be thinking of myself?? After all, she's only thinking of herself!!

1 like, 10 replies

10 Replies

  • derek1980
    derek1980 simon8173

    Posted

    Depends if she's out every weekend m8 , we all need reassurance n comfort with anxiety but yr partner also needs her time
  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 simon8173

    Posted

    Hi Simon

    our illness is a difficult one for others to get their heads around. I think you should not do anything drastic right now. Always good to think things over for a few days to avoid a kneejerk reaction....which may turn out to be the wrong reaction. I don't think either you or your wife are cruel. You are both dealing with the impact / fallout of your illness. She probably feels she needs a little time out occasionally. Not to get away from you but to be in a care free environment where she can just have a dance and let her hair down for a few hours. You are left feeling 'she doesn't care' but Simon, this is not the case. She asked you if it was okay to go. Therefore she cares enough to want your approval/consent. I imagine now she knows she has upset you...This will play on her mind whilst she's out. So not a good outcome for either of you.

    Please don't do anything rash.

    god bless xx

  • Angelmate
    Angelmate simon8173

    Posted

    Oh Simon

    I really feel for you, I stayed in a 25yr marriage for my sons sake, I tried for many years to leave him but my son would plead with me, saying no mum don't leave him I don't want a daddy who only visits me.

    Put bluntly I allowed myself to be emotionally blackmailed so I stayed my ex was in the armed forces at the time so I was pretty much mum and dad to him.

    Finally one day my husband came and told me he was leaving me and did me the favour I'd said I'd do,my son and his dad moved out the same year and finally I was free I was alone and happy sadly my house got flooded and by this time if met a new man and have been with him almost 5yrs and I am now happier I still have a lot of bad days but my partner is fantastic my ex was a nasty bully who bullied me emionally and physically and I stayed for my sons sake.

    Make sure you really feel that your marriage is over otherwise you may make the wrong choice and end up regretting it I tried to tell my ex all through my marriage and allowed myself to be manipulated by him he'd call me names and put me down in front of his mates and I allowed it to happen hang in there Hun and make sure you make the right desision good luck

  • simon8173
    simon8173

    Posted

    Thanks for your response guys 😊. Yes, she needs to get away from this situation but she's out four nights this week!! As for wrong decisions , if I get it wrong so be it. Was planning on jumping off a bridge two weeks ago so anything is a positive compared to that...
    • derek1980
      derek1980 simon8173

      Posted

      It is Christmas m8 but if it's a regular thing then u have every reason not to be happy , hope you can sort it which ever way makes u happy
  • manda08392
    manda08392 simon8173

    Posted

    It sounds like you are both thinking of yourselves because you are having trouble coping with the situation. I can't tell you what to do but I would suggest you both go to marriage counseling to see if this is fixable. It sounds like you both are having trouble communicating because the situation is so difficult and need a mediator to help you.
    • simon8173
      simon8173 manda08392

      Posted

      Yer, ur probably right but I'm to hurt to accept that situation. Feel like I've been kicked in the teeth and I can't turn the other cheek!
    • derek1980
      derek1980 simon8173

      Posted

      If you love her and it's a 1 off thing cause it's Christmas plus she needs some me time then I'd seriously think about it m8
    • manda08392
      manda08392 simon8173

      Posted

      Consider that you are both hurting but because you cope in different ways you guys are taking offense and creating malicious intent from the other person. You see it as her bailing on you and she might see it as escaping the suffocating anxiety she feels in the room when you two aren't getting along. See how actions can be perceived differently?

      If you guys want to make it work then you will both have to toughen up. Just because you both got your feelings hurt doesn't mean you should obsess over it, you both will have to let it go and move forward. If you don't let it go and continue to focus on it then it's over. It's really up to the two of you.

  • stevo1975
    stevo1975 simon8173

    Posted

    Hey Simon I think its only you that can help you it starts with ourselves recovering and applying the tools to getting better. it may not be your girlfriends fault maybe he is having a hard dealing with it too how much you spoken to her about it? It took me a while to get thru to my wife as she didnt get it! Now we are cool however we had our moments especially learning i was an addict. I would tell her you are doing it tough and expose her to your world and if she doesnt want to be in it then thats her call, but maybe she does and will be happy to help hnag i there brother!
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