BEYOND REPAIR

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My sister has had two awful relationships with men. She has known a guy before, reconnected, and now they're an item.

Gary used to be a Marine for 20 years, and one would expect he'd be in somewhat good shape - he's not. Probably the most obese person I have ever seen. He's kind, intelligent, witty and everything you would expect in a man. He additionally has Type 2 Diabetes, and his doctor mentioned 'you may as well take off 15 years of your life' if you don't lose weight. Did this scare him? No.

Does anyone have any advice?

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    My advice would be to let him sort it out for himself and find a way forward that suits him personally - have you ever heard the expression 'you can take a horse to water but you cannot make it drink' - well I think it might apply in this case and to be honest, though your intentions are no doubt of the best kind, I think he needs to sort this out for himself with the help of your sister if necessary and possibly his doctor - too many well meaning people can have a negative effect and also what works for one person will not work for another as everyone is an individual - it is not as simple as the doctor putting the frighteners on him by telling him he is shortening his life by being obese and diabetic - he probably is already aware that by being obese and having diabetes his life span will be shortened - unless he really wants to lose wgt I doubt there is anything anyone can do until he turns that corner and decides to do this for himself -

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    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply, Bandid. My sister is too 'kind' and would not mention it to him. She's confronted me as she senses I don't like him. That's too complicated to talk about. We've always been an athletic family growing up, and even though my father was overweight (never obese) we walked miles, played basketball, etc.

      This guy merely sits, does no activity, nada.

      But as I live in England and only come to the states twice a year actually to see my 92 year old mother, (though I love my sister) I'm through with the issue now.

      All the best,

      Suzanne

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    • Posted

      could be he has some kind of depression going on - he must have been fit and of normal wgt as a Marine and now he isn't - something must have happened somewhere along the line for him to get to that stage and whilst he might want to turn back the clocks and rewind to a healthier wgt/lifestyle it is not straight forward if head issues are involved - hope he manages to turn things around but I think it will be in his own good time sadly

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    • Posted

      Hi Bandid, that I don't know, but ironically his field was a counselor helping those with depression, mental illness, etc.

      I hold no bias with overweight people, but when they reach the obesity stage, I'm on another wave length. Gary isn't healthy, and eats what he pleases - no 'form' of diet going on. His sister and father are of normal weight from what I've heard, but I guess there's nothing I can do or say to my sister (a mere 120 lbs).

      Time will take its course.

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  • Posted

    I wouldn't do anything. This is up to Gary. If your sister is happy with him, you should be happy!

    Heavy, overweight people does not make them bad people. He may be trying to lose the weight and having trouble with it.

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    • Posted

      that is a very good point DaisyDaze with regards to him already possibly trying to lose wgt already and not being very successful and at the end of the day, it is very much his business and how he goes about it - or not as the case might be. If this couple are happy regardless of his wgt then that is good.

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    • Posted

      Hi Daisy, if it's left up to Gary, nothing will be done. I love my sister, and want the best for her, but her relationship will be short-lived with this man if zero attempts to lose weight are had.

      I agree, Gary isn't a bad person at all - he merely has 'blinkers' on concerning the state of his health. As I mentioned before, he additionally has Type 2 Diabetes, and this all adds up to a cardiac arrest in the making. It's sad to even contemplate.

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  • Posted

    It's probably hard for you seeing your sister setting herself up for failure. I believe Gary needs to make the decision about his health. I wouldn't push it, just offer some documentation (articles, journals, etc.) that explain how unsafe living in this physical condition is.

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    • Posted

      That's a good point Daisy, one we never contemplated. Thank you for the suggestion.

      I live abroad and fly to the states twice a year (referring to the other comment about possibly Gary has tried to lose weight) to visit family, and each time I see Gary, he's exactly the same shape as before. So in this regard, he isn't even considering losing weight even though I mentioned one time (reinforcement tactic) that he 'looked' thinner. It evidently had no impact.

      Again, I very much appreciate all your suggestions, and wish Gary might see the light in the future.

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