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hello, i have been a binge drinker for 20 years. My consumption averages 80 units per week which i know is far too much, i can go for days without but have incredible cravings resulting in a bottle of wine being necked in 30 - 40 minutes. A bad week can be 120 units when counting. Have had 3 sessions with ADS + other counselling but i am told that it's not that bad compared to others. This year i considered not going back to ADS as they said they would do follow up phone calls and never did; i don;t want to bother them. Don;t like the public face of AA but want to be someone who can be strong enough to stop.
4 years ago started with physical jerks and after 3 years of neurologists input; noting that they couldn't diagnose anything despite whole body shaking; surprised they didn;t suggest alcohol. Don;t get sweats and cope with hangovers by doing exercise and herbal teas, so i sweat from binges and not from the days when i m alcohol free. I wouldn;t say i have the shakes in the morning, just top half of body and stomach jerks uncontrollably early evening onwwards, some medicine like keppra having been suggested. I get however a huge sense of warmth and energy from drink, in a funny way it helps with clear thinking but after i bottle i normally can't stop. Have awful habit of mixing as well, strong cider, wine, hardly ever spirits. Always has to be at least 13.5 %, drink wine from a pint glass, i know its bad.
The future being a social drinker is diffiicult to envisage, also being tee total; its not being able to drink slowly, i don't know how this compares with others but 50 units in 24 hours was the high and on some occassions i can just have 1 pint. It's at least 2-3 times a week though doing 2.5 bottles with 3 being a max.
I m not sure what i want to try to do by posting, would just be interested in feedback and other people's stories. Doctor said i wasn;t eligible for CBT and although i m sure they knew, once i had had a few before an appointment, i m aware that i can consume a bottle without anyone noticing any change in my appearance. The irony is that the kerks i know are caused by drink but drink also helps clam it down. I know i need to give my body a break and have done so for a 9 month period and also 8 weeks / 53 days, telling my mind that i can't drink and that its poison etc, but then there's a trigger.
Sorry for a long post, not easy up in Scotland either! Not drinking today
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