Binge Eating & Bulemic Tendancies - At Wits End!

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I am at my wits end, I am huge and have no self esteem whatsoever. I'm getting married next year and how can I expect my fiance to love me the way I am, if I don't love myself. I battled with a combination of anorexia and bulemia when I was younger for years and never got myself properly sorted out. Since then I have gone from one extreme to the other I now binge eat but still have the bulemic tendancies. I have tried everything. All my meals I cook are made from scratch, low fat and healthy, but my portion control and secret snacking are undoing all my hard work and I can't seem to stop it. Don't know what to do or where to turn to anymore.

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    I understand how you must be feeling, but I think as long as your loved and you love your wedding should go perfect, your body can't be that bad you probably think that due to being once anorexic
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    What you have to remember is that though somebody may fall in love with the 'original' you or the 'skinnier' you once your hooked on somebody your feeling don't just switch off if they are bigger, especially if they are somebody who cares enough about you to propose / mary you ! So get that idea out of your head, because he loves you inside now, looks are instant, inside is infinity.

    Its so tough when you feel out of control i understand. Maybe you could make a food diary of what your eating so you can keep track of changes. You could try 'binging' on healthy alternatives eg yogurt coated fruit instead of chocolate, rice cakes instead of crisps, porridge, wholemeal toast and scrambled egg, cereal bars, fruit, crudites and low fat humous, greek yogurt and honey, wholemeal pitta bread, smoothies, frozen yogurt instead of icecream or sorbet. 

    At the end of the day these changes are impossible mentally but phsyically you can do it, you just have to REALLY want to and work at it, cutting down portion sizes or binge sizes or exercising more to compensate - but not too much!! you CAN do it I promise it will just be really tough at first 

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    Hi Laura-jane81336 I know you posted this a few months ago, maybe you've found a solution to your problem, but in my experience you need to want change for you.  Like you say food has been a long term problem for you.  I ve had problems with with not eating enough to purging but mostly not being able to stop and I dieted myself up to a size 26 and 20st. I was desperate even though i had a lovely family and a husband who worshipped me, but I was full of self loathing so much so I didn't want to live. Then I discovered Overeaters Anonymous and fellow suffers explained to me that I was powerless, so you see it wasn't just that I was greedy and lack willpower, but for me when I put certain foods ie sugar or high fat foods into my body I set up a craving and an obsession for more. I also realised that I ate on my emotions, if I was happy, sad, bored, celebrating any situation I used food. I have since then been a regular attender of OA which follows a 12 step spiritual program, just like AA. I'm maintaining a 9 stone weight loss and am abstaining from those foods with high sugar or fat content for over 5 years now. I no longer obsess over food but enjoy all the things i couldn't before.  I hope this has been of use to and good luck with your upcoming wedding. 

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