Binged on my vacation for 5 days.

Thanks again. I'll keep taking it no matter what. Sometimes the anxiety is so strong I can't go an hour without a unit. Also since I work graveyard I'm up way too much. I don't know how people have survived doing this for years. I know I have AUD and it just effects me so horribly.

You still there ADEfree? Have fallen off the wagon bad. Hope you're still out there

I don't spend much time here anymore, I'll send you a PM.

Looks like Private Messages aren't possible on this site anymore. Maybe head over to Options Save Lives or go to Reddit and find the Alcoholism_Medication subreddit.

Thanks. I'll check

I'm pretty sure she does suspect but since I work graveyard we have completely opposite schedules so when she's at work I'm at home trying to sleep and it when she gets home I try to play it off. It started off as a binge for five days and then continued on for 8.

Just get it down to a dull roar, as with TSM you don't go whiteknuckle against the craving anyway. Steady as she goes, I7.

My wife caught me hiding vodka. We got into a huge fight and I couldn't stop drinking. I don't know why I'm so self destructive. I think she is going to leave me. Im coming down so hard I had to call out to work.

I7...you are not self destructive..you need help...to stop.

 

Thank you. My withdrawals are so bad and my wife will only let me sip beer. This is rock bottom. I almost had her take me to the er. I don't want to drink anymore. I'm killing myself with booze, my wife is going to leave me. God I'm so tired.

I'll second that, you're not destructive I7. You're just addicted to alcohol and your control isn't very good yet. It sounded like you were doing fine before vacation, but you simply can't drink without the Naltrexone. Not ever. 

I was doing good. I just had way too much to drink and I've been sneaking it at work as well. I am an alcoholic. My wife should leave me. She is too afraid to leave me alone. I think I would keep drinking if she wasn't here.

Sounds like you're running into a bit of the old binger "self-loathing", but don't worry. You'll work through it. 

Do you keep a few pills with you in your wallet so they're convenient if you run into a surprise drinking situation? It really takes something like that to ensure you don't run into an unprotected drinking situation. 

I usually do. I've been drinking 20 units a day and now my wife won't I've me anymore alcohol.

Called out again today from work. Wifey is helping with the taper. This is so hard. Had a hallucination earlier. Scared the cap out of me. Could not tell it was not real.

Is that because you have not had any alcohol.  You cannot just stop.  No way in the world would I do that.  It is slowly does it for me.

Bet that really worried you, don't risk it again.  Meds or slowly does it bud.

G.

Hi I7..your not alone....I started the binge around the same time...I tried to taper on Thursday and it didn't work so good....lots of benzodiazapenes was got me thru my first day...and they were making me dream crazy stuff..but  here we are....we can get by it...keep fighting...I am.

Thank you. I can't get any benzos. Im still trying to taper and have to go to work tomorrow.

Hang in there, mate!

I have some responsibilties tommorow too.

I'm panicking about them.

Hope work goes well for you....and the taper.

Thank you and I hope all goes well for you. I just don't want to slip up again. I can't drink vodka anymore. It just really has the Devils grip on me.

The social drinking situations are a bugaboo for a lot of people, it's just different than drinking at home. Folks tend to get carried away, so you have to be on full tactical alert until you get your sea-legs there. That said, liquor is especially powerful and can quickly shut down the frontal lobes where your sense of control comes from. 

I agree. After I get it under control I think it might be time to stop. But keep pills on me all the time

Thanks duder. I'm feeling so much better. Have had to drink a beer every 2 to 4 hours but I think I can make it through work without one. Just wish I could sleep.

Lost it too these last few days. Appointment with DSS( or whatever they are called now!) Prepared myself then got in a right state today. So drank this morning, got to midday and cancelled it. I'm in no state to work...

Aww bless paper - why oh why does this happen to us.  I lost it last week also.  I had an early start all day wedding and reception on Saturday.  We met up at a hotel where they were getting married.  It was 11.30am  Our friends were there and all had a glass of champers in their hands.  I said no as it was too early for me, but of course they all said, no it isn't so I gave in.  We took our glasses out in the gardens as it was a beautiful sunny day.  I took a sip of the champers and combined with the strong sunshine, it went straight to my head but not in a good way.  It made me dizzy and anxious and I know it was because it was hitting the alcohol still in me (which was plenty from all week going for it).  I tried a further two small glasses of wine after that during the whole day to see if they would calm me down, they didn't.  The day was ruined and I wanted to get home but had to pretend. 

My hubs was driving and had a pint of guinness the whole day and laughed and joked with everyone whilst I felt s...t!!!  I was so jealous.

I am soo cross with myself and ruined a lovely day where everyone was having a ball except me.

All we can do is re-start.  I did on Sunday back to tapering down.

Keep your chin up - we can share experiences on here.

G.

 

I'm so sorry it's being so difficult. I too had my last beer at 2am and have now slept for six hours with crazy insane dreams. I'm trying to get up and make some food because I work at 9pm tonight. Might have to drink a beer or two before I go. But I'll do it early enough that I won't be inebriated when I go to work. I just don't want to have the shakes

So true Gwen! All we can do is keep trying. It's now been almost eight hours without a drink and I don't feel like I'm dying. When I was on my vacation and Reno so many of my friends can just have a few drinks or even a bunch and be fine the next day when I totally feel horrible and all I can do is have another drink to try to feel better but it never seems to work. what's worse is that my wife has never really known how much I drink because I hide it so much but now she finally suspect. Keep your chin up and tapering does work even though it's very difficult. I was doing 20 to 30 shots and now a drastically dropped it just so I can make it to work. You can do it

Yeah I got well and truly sussed by hubs.  I would have my shopping in a bag which was full and my shoulder handbag was big enough for a bottle of wine which I thought you could not see - but he started saying your handbag looks heavy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  But I sneaked it upstairs for my nightly stash.  God the shame.

Aww bud having to have a beer before work sucks - it is mad and sad.  I soo feel for you.  Eating is crucial.  I do eat but if I am not in the mood I make a 5 a day smoothie with added nuts and seeds and multi vits.  Stick a peg on my nose and get it down me.

You too chin up.

Dont let this happen, look into every help there is. My partner and daughter have both left and right now i can not describe the misery. Honestly unless you want to feel this way, you have to either ween your self of it or stop. There will be a point where your wife will have had enough. There really is no worse feeling than losing it all. You can do this and i hope so much that we all can but its not easy we all know that. I used to hide drink too, lost count to be honest and got caught lots of times too. Please, please get and embrace any help you can. I think different things work for different people so lets work at finding the right one. I am so weak right now and have just been thowing up bile again, how can any of this be good? Lets try... life has to be better than this

Just went 15.5 hrs without a drink. Huge appetite. At a whole mission style super burrito plus more. No nausea or jitters. I kept with what you said and stuck to the meds. It works. I'll probably have a couple of beers before bed but nothing before work. I can't believe I went from over 20 shots a day to probably just three units today in less than a week. This was the hardest taper ever and I couldn't have done it without my wife or all of your guyses help and kind words. She said that if we can get through this then she wants to start a family with me. I can't explain how happy I am right now. I still have a plan though I want to be down to do two drinks tomorrow and then two the next day then down to one and then an abstinence day. God I love being clear-headed especially at work. I get so much done. Once again all of you have helped so much.

well done, big pats on the back for you x

Brilliant 17.  You must be feeling well chuffed.  And starting a fam - that is the icing on the cake.  Soo pleased for you and your wife.

G.

Thank you so much. I'm on cloud nine. Thank for your words of understanding and encouragement. It all has helped me. I can't express.

Your message about family really hit me and touched me. It's not over yet by a long shot but it's a start. I hope you are feeling better and keep me up to date. Your family loves you.

Good news, I7! Very glad to hear you've cut it back successfully!

Two things about Naltrexone and TSM (after you get through with the taper):

1. If you crave a drink, take the pill, wait an hour and then have a drink. You only need one, so if you can keep it to that, it's the perfect TSM drinking session. OTOH, don't take the pill unless you get a genuine craving. 

2. On days you don't crave, don't take the pill and don't drink. 

Just as it's important to keep a few pills within reach at all time, it's very important to wait for a genuine craving before take the pill. 

Well congratulations, it looks like this cloud indeed had a silver lining. Stay prepared, keep the One Hour Rule and you'll have this conquered by the time your family addition arrives!

I genuinely appreciate all your advice. Thanks and I'll keep on checking in with my progress and to see how everyone else is doing.