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basically today has been bad. I had a big binge, my mum starting blaming me and I started giving myself bruises.  Don't know what to do about the binging. It really Makes me hate myself and I feel so empty, worthless,ugly, fat etc etc. I'm running out of steam to keep moving forward, can you please tell me what you do when you feel like this? Many thanks, Lily

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  • Posted

    This is probably a strange answer but i just listen to music based on my mood it calm me down after a while dont feel worthless or ugly think of yourself as a unique person and in future try not to hurt yourself if you wanna unleash a bit of anger do it in a harmless way or just talk to peaple on here i hope you return to a peaceful state of mind soon smile 
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  • Posted

    Hi lily,

    I know for me I've tried the therapeutic techniques and none of them work. My mind literally has a mind of its own and convinces me to do some pretty ridiculous things. My binging has been out of control this entire month and I'm going to see my doctor on Tuesday to tell him the therapy doesn't work. They recently began prescribing vyvanse to treat the disorder so that's another option but you don't have to live through it like this. Hope this helpssmile

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    • Posted

      hi, nice username by the way! I've tried some mindfulness but could not take it seriously so I usually try to go for a walk now when i feel stressed and want to binge. I usually try to go for a walk when I start to feel I might binge, if I wait too long till I'm eating I won't be able to stop eating.  Wasn't aware of any medication for binging.  I hope you get past this hard time to the life you feel happy with. All the best, Lily xxxx p.s thanks for your reply!
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  • Posted

    Hi Lily. I think there have been some brilliant posts on here.

    I find music is a good idea, and there are lots of things you can do to take your mind off the challenges you are facing.

    Sometimes it's good to sit with the uncomfortable emotions you are facing as you can't run away from all situations. 

    Writing down why you hate yourself, and what it is you hate about yourself, then working through the problem by using CBT approaches is one way. 

    E.g. I hate feeling so fat in my stomach after eating this soup. Fat is a healthy and essential part of my diet. There is limited fat in the soup I ate. The feeling I am experiencing is mostly water. The fullness I am experiencing is actually in my intestines and not my stomach. This is caused by gravity.

    (I do this when I have stresses about my weight...)

    I also have a self soothe box which I use for when I want to use unhealthy behaviours. There are all kinds of different sensory elements, like an amazing teabag, a stress toy, notes reminding me to do things like act opposite. (e.g. if I am inclined to skip a meal, it reminds me to eat that meal when I panic). There is also a crisis plan, so when I have had a real panic, numbers of who to call and what to do for when I can't think straight.

    Remember it's not your fault that you react like this. This is all the process of recovery, and if you are starting to eat more food, then you will also be likely to be experiencing binge episodes (until you are onto fully regulated meals with carbs in them). I went through this phase and I had an open discussion with my dietitian about how to combat the bingeing because I found that too distressing. So long as I was sticking to my meal plan, he was willing to meet me in the middle, and we found solutions to add snacks in where my body was craving energy. You can speak to your treatment team about this, but you shouldn't make sacrifices elsewhere (it won't work anyway).

    It sounds like your mum is finding it really tough too. It sounds like she needs some support. It can be really difficult being a carer. Beat have a carers helpline and support groups for those who look after sufferers (whether its friends, relatives, etc.) I'd recommend - at a good time - you mentioning her giving them a call. Or even leave a link to the website in a helpful place.

    I have found with my family that having boundaries are really helpful. Things like portion sizes, and what I can and can't do. It was really helpful last summer when I wasn't eating three times a day, but mum wanted to take me out whilst I was down to stay. We discussed it, and she mentioned that she felt uncomfortable being in a pub where I wasn't eating, so we compromised and bought a picnic, and I had a cup of tea. But it wouldn't have worked if we hadn't had the conversation.

    We have chats in advance about meals now as well. Planning is really key.

    Remember a binge isn't a failure. One mistake isn't a failure. One day isn't a failure. None of this means you aren't worth it. It's how you learn from the episode and move on. smile

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