1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Bipolar Affective Disorder

Bipolar and friends

Posted , 4 users are following.

acebauer
acebauer

Hi Im more looking for some advice. My girlfriend has Bipolar, we have been seeing each other for a few months. But she gets really low when ever friends get in touch with me. I am quite popular and Im not intrested in other women but I do have a handful of female friends, I am also friends with my Ex wife (whom i have 2 kids with) When shes low , she always accusses me of cheating on her. Im new to being suportive for her in low times and I do the best I can. However I need to know if this could be a trigger for her, Could I actually make her low because of this. I know she wants me to turn my back on my friends but I cant do that, I really love her but dont know if Im making her worse. I want to be supportive when shes low but dont want to give in to her demands of ditching my friends. She says some horrible things to me when low but I can take that, I explained to her that my friends are my support network and that I need people to talk to sometimes. I really want to be with her and love her dearly, but dont know what to say when the conversation about friends comes up, I say no and she gets worse, I say I will give her space and she gets worse. I really feel like Im inbetween a rock and a hard place but dont know what I should do. 

1 like, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • jmcg2014
    jmcg2014 acebauer

    Posted

    As you've asked for advice I feel I need to be a bit blunt. You can't have it all. That's what being in a relationship is about. Of course noone should cut all ties with friends, but you should be considerate and if it's a problem for your girlfriend, then you should make efforts to not do the thing that upsets her. It's a natural part of a relationship, most people still see friends, but less than when they were single. If your not willing or able,then perhaps your nor ready for a relationship. It may seem harsh but your going to need to decide where your real loyalties lie. It's better to be single and do as you please confirm if what is required for a relationship with your girlfriend is too much
  • clare39944
    clare39944 acebauer

    Posted

    I think that despite being Bi-Polar ( and I speak as a Bi-Polar sufferer) your girlfriend is showing signs of being manipulative.  She might also be rather jealous that you have a social life which means a lot to you.  I appreciate that you have strong feelings for her.  Does she have her own friendship network to turn to?  If not perhaps she needs some encouragement to find some new friends by joining a group which mirror her interests.  Is she employed?  I really feel for you in that your girlfriend can say hateful things.  I have been pretty awful to my husband at times - usually when high - and we have weathered the storms.  Couples usually do best when they can have outside interests.  I have my choir night and he does volunteer nature conservation.  This way we have new things to share with eachother and it is a release not to be too internalised on 'the relationship'.  I hope this makes some sense to you and I wish you and your girlfriend well. ( Is she taking her meds?) 
  • charlie79548
    charlie79548 acebauer

    Posted

    Hi Ace,

    I completely understand- my wife has been to hell and back with me and my Bipolar. 

    I would advise that you need to strike a balance. On the one hand, it is important that you understand that your partner is unwell, and she didn't choose her condition in the same way that no one chooses to be diabetic! Try to be as empathetic as possible, and as forgiving as you can, but try to set boundaries. You must have your friends, ex wife and children in your life- children especially. She must respect that your children come first, and your connection to your ex-wife is for their good, not just for yours. On the other hand, your partner must try to understand you too. Though she did not choose her condition, what she does choose is whether to seek appropriate help or not. Mental illness is dreadful in so many ways, but perhaps most potently because it's invisable- it is so much easier to brand a Bipolar sufferer as 'selfish' or 'needy' because you can't see the illness, like you would a broken leg for example. 

    You need your friends around you to help support her in getting better, and she needs you. In some ways, she cannot have you without your support network because, to be blunt, you may burnout and the relationship will be on rocky ground very soon. 

    I hope the above helps, please do comment if you have any questions!

    Charlie

Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.