Bipolar and very depressed partner - Help me please :-(

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Help... I placed a post up last week regarding my partner who was heading into a severe depression and sadly it has not become any better since starting on meds. Infact if anything it is worse and he has now decided to cut contact with everyone, including me, for a few weeks to help him get better. I am already worried sick about him and don't know what I can do, I'm in constant tears. Any advice on the best way forward and what, if anything, I can do to help him?

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  • Posted

    Hi I had the same problem with my partner we have been together 18 months now , I had a pub and retired I found he drank a lot and liked to sort of show off and be Jack the Lad in front of his friends but changed when he was with me . We moved in to a house in the middle of the country  as it was quiet and no people around as when he had a drink or someone said something out of turn it seemed to make him very angry . When we moved he got very stressed as they don't like change . On the first week he was very quiet not saying a lot and ignoring me . I tried to hold myself together remembering what he had said about his moves , It was a Sunday and he said he was going for a walk it was 9am he said he would buy a paper , I thought strange we don 't buy papers he left I watched him walk across the fields and disappear I never saw him again for 6 weeks after 2weeks I called the police as I was told by his family he has tried suicide twice before which sent alarm bells ringing , I told the police they came straight away they searched the out houses I case he was there or I had done something to him the police said it is normal . They found him in 24 hrs through his GPS in his phone he had taken no meds and was very ill . they took him to hospital and he was there four weeks . I picked him up and he was so different kissed me on seeing me happy . We sat and spoke about what happened and he couldn't remember . I was crying since he went missing I became suicide as it seemed no one wanted to know .what I did was give him a room on his own to do what he wanted . The best thing i think is leaving them if they are angry or depressed let them sort it out themselves as they can do that make sure he sees a Dr every month to talk out his feelings . YOU must be strong for him YOU must show him YOU have a life and he will manage it better . He said one day he wanted to leave and I exploded and said ok I will help you pack ! He changed then I had never answered him back before fearfully of what would happen but it worked now I just stay quiet love him and let him do what he wants to do they come around . He has just changed jobs as he was working 60 hrs a week and the stress was to much he has a good 40 hr a week job and handles it much better . It is stress on your partner puts stress on you you have to control it and it works . I use to watch him go out and wonder if he will come home but now giving him his space and time I know I will see him tonight and not worry . You must read up on it and learn how to control the situation watch the alcohol level make sure that he takes his meds has plenty of rest and sleep and you should be ok . 
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    • Posted

      Hi thanks for replying. Sorry to hear you've been through similar but that's good that it's all worked out.

      I have found this last week very hard not being able to speak to him but I know he wouldn't have done this unless he was desperate. I suppose a lot of it is worry about the 'what if he breaks up with me' etc as I love him so much. We are not at the moving in together stage yet which makes it harder not seeing him as I'm around an hour away from him. I have been going to work and trying to do my own bits and pieces but he is constantly in my thoughts and I just wish I could see or even speak to him. I just hadn't thought this was a normal reaction to dealing with depression but knowing others have been through the same helps me see it is. I think a lot of it with him is the vulnerability feeling and he has pushed everyone away other than his family who all live close by (thankfully they are letting me know how he is... well sort of). He has not got any other meds other than one kind at the moment for his bipolar but I know he is due to be put on more soon to which he knows he will have to take to help him. I just wish there was more that I could do.

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  • Posted

    If he is on lithium it's important he takes it every night at the same time . I know it's hard when you love them . I found it very difficult to deal with at first but if you love them you will deal with it together. My partners family don't really help I found that very hard to deal with as well , it's good your partners family are letting you know what's going on . It's good to have someone to talk to on this site who is in the same situation as yourself . The police put me on to victims supprt as 2 months ago he got very drunk and very violent he has just gone through a divorce 2years ago and could not forget the past . He went to see his ex 2weeks ago to pick up belongings from her and I think he has seen the light now as he is so stable now and is doing this in the house as when they are depressed they can't do a lot . I think it is good you are not living with each other yet as you must be able to deal with it , I had NEVER heard of Bi Polar. I googled it and was amazed at just how many people have it ! Stephen Fry is my partners Idol he watches his programes every night he has it you should google Stephen Fry and Bi Polar and it will show his story as he tells it. What I have noticed is all the celebrities that have it is amazing . I also have read people with Bi Polar are very clever . The victims support told me to leave home or get him to leave and go to a hostel , I was shocked ! I said we have just spent thousands moving why should we give it up another thing is they find it hard to keep a job. My partner has tried. To commit suicide 3 times and he was so I'll the benefits didn't want to know or pay him PIP this made him worse ! Now we just take everyday at a time , I hope this chat helps you deal with it and understand it more the more you learn and read about it the  better you will feel 
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    • Posted

      Hi. Thank you and yes it does help slightly speaking to others going through similar. To me he is the most beautiful man ever (even though we've only been together a few months) and I want to do what I can to help him. I believe it is Quetiapine he is on just now which I hope is helping him but he does need more support from his Dr's. He has tried to commit suicide in the past (long before we met) but he is not that bad yet as he told me that hence why he wants to nip it in the bud now. Just feel lost not being able to contact and help him in whatever way I can... Although I think giving him time on his own is helping him. And that's a shame about your man's family. I suppose I am lucky in that sense that they have been good with me.. Even though I've not met many of them yet. How long do you think I should give it before going to see him/contacting or even sending him something? 

      Yeah I have bought Stephen Fry's book to read as my man is the same with him too (as am I now) so going to see what he says. I'm trying to learn as much as I can about Bipolar so I can understand and help. I want to find support groups or something too but not sure where they are around here. As you say each day as it comes and I don't expect it to be easy but when you love someone so much it's worth it.

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  • Posted

    They will never get better I mean to normality , but they can make there lives better by what they do , I could never forgive myself if he committed suicide even though it will not be my or anyone's fault . That is why I read something about it every time I can . I called Mind Charity they spoke to me for a few mins but they didn't tell me what I needed to hear . That's why I give up on them and decided to do as much as I can myself . It's good he told you about self harm as my partner never told me I read it in letters I found when the police came as they looked at everything he had can you imagine how I felt when I saw he had tried 3 times . We have spoke about it now he has promised he will never try it again or never leave its because he is able to talk , another thing is I go to the Dr with him . 
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    • Posted

      I know thats the thing, some normality as this is a lifetime thing. I'd be the same if he did that too. I'm doing as much reading on it as possible, just hope that when we do see/speak again he doesn't decide that it's too much hassle having me in his life alongside dealing with this (does that make sense?).

      That's good that you can go to the Dr/Psychiatrist with him, I don't think he'd let me but I'd like to go so that they can possibly provide some support etc for me too.

      Is there anything else I can do in the meantime do you think?

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  • Posted

    Hi No not really Just try what I said Stand Back a bit and see if it helps do NOT rush it will make matters worse ! They tell stories as well which they do not mean even though it sounds true , If he says he will buy or do something just say yes ok it will probably not happen this is so not to get your hopes up and be dissappointed if it doesn't happen If it does all the better. By all means read all you can about it look at all the celebrities on you tube you will be more the wiser all so talk to him about them he will find it good you are taking  a serious interest . People like Stephen Fry, Sting, etc have a good evening let me know how you get on i will always be here we can help each other  
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    • Posted

      Hi. Thank you I will. Just going to do what I can in the meantime to read up on what I can and like you said have a look on youtube etc. I just hope he doesn't stay away too long as I do miss him. I'm glad I've found this site for some support and nice people like you to help... each other
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