Bipolar Bizarre!

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I think these forums are great but I also think they can be slightlly damaging for various reasons.  Not least, that when you find a collection of people all suffering fro similar but not the same mental issues and I would worry that it might hinder a person from getting well.  I am currently trying to recover from a bad spell of aggraphobia, extreme shaking, confusion and a complete lack of productivity in most areas of my life.  As a bipolar person and having had a few bizarre up and down years it gets really tiring trying to stay right.  I haave stopped drinking and done as much as I could to make myself happy but nothing I seem to do works.  Not for any meaningful length of time anyway. I sometimes can't even text because I shake so mauch.  Npow that's not me.  Do you see my typing errors?  That's not me that's the meds.  I sometimes feel unreal and totally dettached from everyone elses world.  Now that can crush a person for sure.  I'm sure all other sufferers would agree.  The thing is the cloud lifts and even if it is momentarily you have got to maximize it's presence for however short a period.  Hold together and fight the urge to submit.  This is an illness that the best medication is within yourself.  It is Patience.  I know how hard it is.  I wish all of you the best of luck and if anyone wants to comment please feel free. 

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11 Replies

  • Posted

    I think groups like this can be good and bad, bad when people use them to diagnose themselves or use their own experience to diagnose others instead of seeking proper medical advice. They can be good when everyone has a definative diagnosis and just want to share
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    • Posted

      yeah you are right about that.  You can chat til your head drops off about what might be wrong with you but God knows... Until you are diagnosed professionally you can blow it out your ass. 
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  • Posted

    Hi Angir I too am Bipolar/cyclothymia and know exactly what you mean. What meds are you on? I feel for you especially in the lows they are my worst times x

    Chris

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    • Posted

      I was on 1000 depekote quitiapine and vensir but I am now on 600 lith and 25 quitiapine which although is a small dose it takes me at least 14 hours to get over it.  I.e. beat the tiredness. 
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  • Posted

    i don't know why I was diagnosed bipolar when I am clearly multi-polar: I got poles all over my mind, and the worst one is bored-interested, and when I get hyper-bored its like my mind is going to burst and nothing seems interesting any more, and then not even sex or drugs grabs me, which is when it gets terminally bad and my head goes pop just like your ears when you go up a mountain in a car
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    • Posted

      Oh God love you.  I know that type of feeling for sure. Have the meds not helped the speeding in your thoughts.  I remember the first time that I took depekote.  My God the silence in my mind after a week was unreal.  Then I thought to myself that perhaps that intense and multiple thought process is like a seizure for your thought paterns.  Which is why an epilepsy drug works.  There is also the possibility that you may be diagnosed incorrectly but you would need to discuss that with your pyschiatrist. 
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    • Posted

      BUT the most exhausting and irritating aspect of being bipolar or multipolar or whatever has to be when the mania has you by the neck and you need to reply to someone but there are a 100 things going round your mind and you suddenly realize that you don't know how you decide which thing to pick and say because they are all equally plausible though different in so many ways, so you end up blurting words of half-words because the potential utterances all compete with each other and hit the mouth like a logjam, and usually to prevent all this happening I just have this confused expression and say 'yeah'
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    • Posted

      Awww yes it's crazy, if you pardon the pun.  What I find so amazing about this illness is that it has allowed me to acheive so much in my life.  I really don't think that I would be half the person I am without it.  You wouldn't believe the assistance it has given me in progressing myself.  I'm 48 now and I didn't realise that the older I got the worse it would get and it was only in the last three years I was forced to seek help by my daughters.  I feel like a completely different person these days.  I am so emptry and so boring and bored.  Although I want to be well so that I can work and continue to find new ways to improve myself.  Without the mad moods.  I miss the highs sooooooo much.  
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  • Posted

    Dear Angie, You mention many points that I agree with.  Over the past few weeks I decided to give this site a miss because so many of the posts were so medication focussed.  It is heartening to read your post about trying  to manage Bi-Polar through hard work on oneself.  Meds are important but are not the be all and end all of a person's existence.  It took me a long time to find a med regimen that worked for me and now I can be reasonably sure that the mental rollercoaster will be more sedate; hospital admissions zero; husband and son happier... the list is endless.  As you say Angie patience is a wonderful virtue to foster in oneself.  I would add another - evict the words 'should' and 'ought' from one's vocabulary.  I learned this from a course of Cognitive Behaviour Therapy.  I also learned to give myself some credit when I've actually done something well.  Thank you for your post - it makes sense to me, Clare  
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  • Posted

    Hi Angie, i am bi polar too, and have alot of ups and downs too. I find this site on the whole to be beneficial, as it's people with the condition. I am in hospital at present, and only recently started feeling better. I shake too, with the meds, but am on new meds that are great. Abilify Or aripiprazole.

    all the best, and hope you get better too.

    Lou x

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