1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Bipolar Affective Disorder

Bipolar boyfriend pushing me away, but i love him!!

Posted , 3 users are following.

evemary16
evemary16

so me and my boyfriend have been dating me 2 years, we are both 18 and are first loves. Till about 4 months in, he showed very few signs of anger, he would sometimes get irritated easily, but nothing that was upsetting. when he did show his anger, he would cause me, my friends and family a lot of stress, he stopped me seeing my friends and doesnt like my family because they dont like how he treats me when hes angry. 

so for about a year he was horrible to me, nearly breaking up with me every week and i had no freedom, but when he was kind, he was amazing and thats when i would love him and be happy and i know i should love him and be happy all time! however i stayed with him! about 3 months ago, he told me he just found out he had bipolar and that he felt we needed a break for him to go sort himself out, get some counselling and stuff, i respected this and during that time, i sadly was not scared anymore, i felt free, i felt like i wasnt being watched all the time and i wasnt as sad as i thought i would have been. so we didnt see or talk to eachother for about 2 weeks, he called me up and said he missed me and loved and wanted to get back together, he had calmed down and wasnt the angry person he was before, foolishly in love, we got back together and true enough he had calmed down, occasionally he would get aggitated! but way less than he used to, up until about 3 weeks ago, when he found out his a level results and he didnt do all that well, so naturally he has been upset about them and i understand that! however he has become angry and rude to me again!! over little things, like one time i had no signal and once i got my signal back, i got all these texts from him because i hadnt replied straight back to him, (this was while i was on a shopping trip with my sister) and he was being very angry and rude to me and kept calling me and texting me and i was scared, it was happening all over again and i said i dont deserve this, i do so much for you, you cant talk to me like this when i havent done anything and so i said i you can call me when you calmed down and so i didnt look at my phone until he had! 

another example was yesterday, now i very rarely am able to go out with my friends, he has slowly been letting me, yesterday was one of my best friends birthday party and hes not allowed to come, because my friends dont like him. but during the party, i made sure to check my phone if he texted, because otherwise he would get made if i didnt! i was having a good time tho and didnt wanna be on my phone the whole time! i was dancing and having fun ( i wasnt drinking tho, he doesnt allow me too) anyway, at one point i didnt look at my phone for about 10 mins and when i looked at it, he had texted me asked what i was doing and i hadnt seen the text and so he had called me, texted me loads and was getting very angry that i hadnt replied. he of course thught i was cheating!! which i havent! whenever hes angry he always calls me a liar and a cheat, when im not, i havent done anything to make him think i am! and i was so upset, he was being horrible and angry and i had to get my best!! friend to help me deal with it, becaue i didnt wanna go through this anger again on my own and he eventually calmed down, but then he got angry about 3 more times during the night and i ended up crying and wasnt looking at my phone again, because i was too scared to talk to him!! 

when i got home i finally texted him and he said sorry, and then he went on to say he was depressed, addicted to weed (which he has like everyday to help calm him and i've said he shouldn't rely on it for relaxation) and wanted to kill himself (he has said this a lot to me, to threatened me btw) and i said he needs to go see a doctor and that this isn't an excuse to treat me badly. he went to the doctor today and they are gonna give him anti depressants and ritalin. he then got angry at me again and he always blames me for his anger, but i literally do nothing wrong and if i ever do anything i take responsibility for it! but i'm not ever doing anything wrong!! and he keeps blaming me and getting angry at me and pushing me away! i don't want to be pushed away tho, i love him so much!!! i suggested we take a break, so he can like sort himself out, but he said he wouldn't sort himself out if we did that, because he would be too upset! we had a long phone conversation and sorted some things out, even though i know he is still blaming me for his anger (which is really upsetting) im a good person, im not an angry person, i dont do things to make him angry or upset, i do as he tells me, which is unheathy, because i do it because im scared of him! he knows this! he knows he doesnt deserve me and he said i can find a better man that will treat me as i should be tearted and truthfully i know i can too! and im leaning towards it, because i cannot be continued to be treated so badly! but then i love him so much and dont want to lose him, but im afradi i may have to, because im not going through that year of anger that i did!!!! it took a toll on me!!! and ive only just come out of it! 

please give me some advice, i dont know what to do, i dont know how to deal with bipolar, im afraid hes gonna kill himself!!

 

0 likes, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • boing333
    boing333 evemary16

    Posted

    Have you ever looked into courses yourself that help you, as an observer, understand what bipolar/manic depression is?
  • boing333
    boing333 evemary16

    Posted

    Actually, I'm going to post this because the previous post wasn't particularly helpful.

    What you have to remember is this – you're 18; you're both young adults. A diagnosis as sinister as the one your other half has is a massive, life changing experience, and a terrible burden on anybody so young. What's even more complicated is the process of acceptance. It is one of the hardest things anybody in that situation has to go through and some people go years unable to accept that is said to them; “I can't possibly have that” and so on. The biggest mistake people make is in assuming that there is a cure. There isn't, and that's harsh reality for people who have it.

    There are ways of being able to cope – for him to be able to cope – therapies, especially. Medication is one of those things that I am not against when it comes to the more serious side of mental illness and for your boyfriend, he might benefit. Be aware though that the process of taking medication can be just as hard as the illness itself, and it can provide other complications.

    Other things worth considering as well might be lifestyle changes he could make. That you could both make. What's key though, from an observer's point of view – from your point of view – is to develop and adapt; learn of ways to cope with it; learn to understand it. Some people (like me) have never had a clear diagnosis so when it comes to being an observer, if you know he has bipolar disorder, you know what to research; warning signs and so on. My partner doesn't have that luxury; nor do I.

    What's more important than anything, however, is your patience, understanding and empathy. Ask yourself, “do I love him so much that I'll devote my time to learning about him and what it is he needs?” and secondly, “what can I do more of to accommodate his condition?” - think of it as you putting in the effort to build a ramp for a man in a wheelchair outside your house so he can get in and out of it.

    If you answer those two questions, he has nothing to use against you and you are doing everything right. Research group therapy sessions in your area too because meeting others in not only his position but also your position can give you better insight into his condition as well as what you can do to help him. Learn from other's mistakes.

    If you aren't prepared to make the effort, I would strongly reconsider your place in a relationship with him and go the rest of your life knowing the only reason you left was because you didn't have the time and patience for him, and he did have a condition, yes, but he's the victim. Not you.

    I hope you can get it sorted smile

  • richard89308
    richard89308 evemary16

    Posted

    your boyfriend has mental health issues and is manipulating you.  I would go for a separation and make it permanent for your own happiness.

    Richard

  • crosshatch1982
    crosshatch1982 evemary16

    Posted

    I am going through a very similar thing to you just now and finding it hard. Private message me if you can....
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.