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Bipolar lover giving me silent treatment for no reason at all for two months, will he come back to m

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julie89879
julie89879

Bipolar lover giving me the silent treatment for two months for no reason, has done this twice before but not for as long as this time, will he come back to me? Can anyone with bipolar please explain why the silent treatment is necessary, it's so cruel

1 like, 11 replies

11 Replies

  • coxluke
    coxluke julie89879

    Posted

    Hi julie

    I get like this when I get into deep depression when I stop talking but this is with everyone. Is it only with you that he behaves like this? If it is maybe there are other issues at play because it would then suggest he has some control over his actions. Two months is a long time,my silence is around 2-3 weeks. I f he is going through a depression bout and been going on this long he really needs to seek medical help. Is he on any medication? It is hard on the partners with people with bipolar. I am lucky I have a great wife but I know it is hard on her. After I do come out of my depression I always feel guilty that she has to put up with it. Maybe he also feels that way too.

    • julie89879
      julie89879 coxluke

      Posted

      Hi. Thank you for your reply, very interested to hear your view. He's not like this with just me as he tells me how his wife gets on his nerves etc, , (separated wife) I think the stress has brought this on   He's not on any medication but says he knows he is bipolar. The first he cut me off and give me the silent treatment was for 9 days, a month later for 7 days, he told me it was like he was in a black hole and I put him on such a high he can't get higher then he crashes down, do you understand that feeling? Now he's not spoken for two months but he has just unblocked me on Facebook and waved so he must be thinking of me but I'm doubtful he'll come back. I just don't know what to do, it's so stressful and humiliating but I understand if he is ill, thanks for listening any advice is welcome.

  • coxluke
    coxluke julie89879

    Posted

    He needs to go and get medical advice and get a proper diagnosis as there are also other mental health illness that have similar tracts to Bipolar. He needs to do this so then with right medical treatment for his condition whether its  bipolar or not will help him keep stable for longer periods.

    It took a few years after I was diagnosed to find the right medication and support i needed and I am now working again with a new employer and have been stable without a  big crash for well over a year so it can be done but the old saying is true,you can lead a horse to water but you cant make it drink. He needs to want to do it to make his life better but he also needs to understand the impact his mental health issues have on others. 

    • julie89879
      julie89879 coxluke

      Posted

      Hi yes he does need medical help but won't go to the doctor. We had a weekend away just before the silent treatment and I noticed a big change in him that iv not seen before, he was quieter, staring a lot, not washing, not as affectionate , could this have been the start of depression as when we came back he cut off all contact with me

    • coxluke
      coxluke julie89879

      Posted

      It sounds like it. It maybe coming back from holiday and going back to normal life set it off. Most people I think go through a down period when there holiday is over and they go back to work and day to day things but maybe that was enough to start off a deeper depression.
    • julie89879
      julie89879 coxluke

      Posted

      Hi yeah could be. He was under stress as suppose to be moving house, think it's all too stressful for him. He once said to me he won't talk to me when he's like this so he doesn't say anything bad to me

  • cat196111
    cat196111 julie89879

    Posted

    I have bi-polar and am very quiet I don't talk like I used to with people even family but I also have anxiety too that makes me distance is that what you are feeling? I know its sad for me. its something we cant help other then meds I hope you feel better soon.

  • bruce47310
    bruce47310 julie89879

    Posted

    Hi Julie,

    It is part of the bipolar cycle - big lows followed by big highs.

    When he says that he doesn't want to talk to you during his lows, he is actually wanting to protect you from stuff he may say or stuff he may do.

    It's tough being a partner of/married to a bipolar person, (and I am bipolar myself)

    Hopefully by the time you read this, the situation will have resolved itself.

     

    • julie89879
      julie89879 bruce47310

      Posted

      Hi Bruce,

      Thanks for your reply, situation not resolved really.  He came to see me a month ago and brought me flowers and present for my birthday, had a good conversation, spoke for two days after that.... then the silent treatment again. I have no idea what is going on. 

    • bruce47310
      bruce47310

      Posted

      Hi Julie,

      Although the bipolar diagnosis seems to handed out like candy nowadays, it is important to get hime diagnosed by a competent professional;

      I sounds like bipolar but self diagnosis is just a bit dangerous when you are the patient.

      Mood stabilizers will help, but all of the available drugs come with unwanted side effects, some are just vicious side effects.

      I have been diagnosed as bipolar myself, and these are the tings that have helped me:

      I take a shower every day, no matter how bad I feel.

      I put on clean fresh clothes each day, no matter how bad I feel.

      I walk the dog each day, no matter how bad I feel.

      I do the mindfulness thing twice weekly; meditation definitely helps.

       I l;listen to calming soothing music; Mozart is great.

      I eat healthy food and stay away from alcohol.

      All these help, but I have a secret ingredient which I can't share in a public forum; if you PM me I will give you the details.

      Just a clue, it's based on aloe arborescens which is a cousin of aloe vera.

      i MAY post that publicly when I am ready.

      Hope that helps a little.

       

  • sickgirl
    sickgirl julie89879

    Posted

    Hi, how are you? I have bipolar disorder. I know that I can be a challenge to have a relationship with! I use the silent treatment as a form of control and punishment sometimes. Control, because I know that my partner will go crazy emotionally when I cut myself off from him (for any amount of time..) and punishment because it’s obvious that my partner will suffer for anything that he’s done to me that I consider to be “wrong.” You could always turn the tables on your partner and threaten to break up with him if he continues to not speak to you. That might wake him up! I’ll be honest with you, your boyfriend will NOT get any better if he does not get help for his disorder. Us bipolar  people NEED to take our meds regularly and be in therapy. There is no cure for bipolar, but we can and do live manageable lives. Is he on the appropriate meds and is he currently in therapy? If not, your relationship with him will continue to be very dysfunctional. What he’s doing to you is wrong and abusive. You do not deserve this kind of treatment. Having bipolar disorder is no excuse...
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