1. Community
  2. Mental health
  3. Depression

bit overwhelmed and depressed and almost recluse

Posted , 3 users are following.

david84938
david84938

I'm in UK and a late starter on most things in life including relationships, leaving home, buying property and more importantly not seeing how serious my MH issues were. I quit my job at 55 as I felt undervalued and unsupported by my managers. Decision not made lightly as 20 years service and always hoped it might change. Well it didn't worked within a stressful social work role which I could not bear thinking and experiencing cut backs and the last 10 or so years before retirement remaining in such a unsupportive environment.I have a lovely partner and we purchased my flat and was in a position to purchase a holiday home just outside London where we spend time. Thing is I have always had controlled OCD and probably and BDD over how I look. This seems to have taken over control of my time now and I over criticise my appearance and have always felt in my every waking thought that my bad facial skin tone and appearance has ruined my life and that I want to hide away. I lived with my mum who is a single parent but who is now 87 and though she is in denial I from my previous profession and finding a letter can see that she has onset of cognitive impairment which I know is exasperated by her drinking which I feel has increased since I (as I say flew the nest very late in life) feel guilty that this decline is because she is lonely and on has no friends as most have died. I can reason that I am experiencing a lot of change but I feel very depressed and can not believe how my normal chatty and engaging personality has been replaced with fear and failure of my life. I am not suicidal but have always felt that I am a waste of a life as I know I should count my blessings and be thank full for what I have and I know that's how people would see me. After 6 months wait I am about to see a psychologist  with CBT I am also on 100mg daily of sertraline for the last 6 months. They help but have not pulled me away from the mirror and being so critical not only of my appearance but where my life is. I have not allowed or followed hobbies as my self interest has been looking for a solution to acne scars and uneven skin tone to face. Having said that I have lost count on the thousands of pounds of treatment that have made no difference and I feel bitterly disappointed by treatments that I have had. And of course I have never shared my phobias as was always supporting others and never had time. Now I'm out of my comfort zone and all the change that I have quickly gone through. I just don't know how I will even get to appointment let alone leave the house yet I done this when I had to work but have reverted to only feeling safe within my 4 walls. I don't know nor feel I can explore hobbies etc with my current thought processes and despise myself for this setback and shocked by such a hold it has taken. I feel I am mourning the loss of not only my self worth but loss of my mum due to her short term memory issues and have no one who truly understands. My appearance or how I perceive it is the bain of my life its how I see me but in reality my cystic acne and problematic skin has haunted me throughout my life to the point of worrying about how I look from the moment I went to bed to the moment I wake up and this has been my life as I've known it since I was 17. Bad skin took away my social interaction and has become an obsession and yet I have a nice personality but shy away from contact due to such poor self esteem and concern over appearance. I FEEL so shallow as as a man and having a lot of things most people would wish for ie nice homes, nice car, being in a position to give up work, a lovely supportive partner but feel so empty       

1 like, 2 replies

2 Replies

  • hypercat
    hypercat david84938

    Posted

    Hi you say you have a lovely gf so she obviously loves you despite your appearance.  We always tend to think we look worse than we do but in reality no one else does.  It sounds to me you could be suffering from anxiety and putting all your issues onto your appearance?  Go and see a dermatologist as they know all the latest treatments and should be able to help.  

    I will tell you something.  I suffered severe acne in my teens and have been left with scars and pits in my skin. Many years ago following the advice of a dermatologist I had 2 derbrasions where they scraped the top layers of skin off and they did help a lot.  I still have a terrible complexion though and pits. I always thought stuff it,  I am leading my life the way I want to anyway and even though it has damaged my life and self esteem I have friends and am very sociable.  I refuse to hide away.  And you know what?  Most of my friends don't even see it now - they just see me. The more confident you appear and the more you hold your head high the less others will notice it.  They will be too busy liking your personality.  If however you hang your head and look unhappy it will encourage others to notice.  

    I do still get the odd nasty comment from men but have developed a thicker skin and a sharp tongue.  It still hurts but I get over it.  

    One of my sisters has a bumpy nose and is so self conscious about it she uses that as her excuse not to go out and is now virtually a recluse with agoraphobia.  

    I hope this has helped a bit.  x

  • hypercat
    hypercat david84938

    Posted

    Oh one last thing I have always thought it easier to be a man with this coz even in this day and age men are taken at face value whereas women still tend to be taken at value of face!  
Back to top

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the community to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the community are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the community is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.