blackouts heip

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Hi guys not posted  on here for a couple  wks those  of you that have followed  my story will know I had a home detox but unfortunately  my home situation  is not helping me so within a wk or two I slowly starting  to drink again I am a 50 year old women I lack confidence  and after the death of my father I was dignoised  with PTS disorder  I barley  been out my house in the last18 months the only time is when I have been drinking  as somehow I find the conference  to do it well to cut a long story short I find myself going places I can't remember  going to this one nyt after a big row with my partner not for the first time I had a lot to drink and stormed out and I do remember catching a bus then that is it I put myself in a very dangerous  position that I woke up in someone else's house that I don't know and new that by the way I woke up something awful at happened  I left there and started drinking again I am at a point that I  am drinking pretty  much 24/ 7 I can't remember at all what happened  that nyt it as made me so depressed  that I hate myself so much I feel worthless that to the point I self harmed which ended me in ae which I am still having ongoing treatment for I can't sleep I haven't eaten  I am just drinking  24/7 I don't know what to do anymore I swear alchol will be the death of me so depressed  that I can't go on like this 

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  • Posted

    jsvkie

    ive been following your story and feel so sorry that you feel so depressed.

    i know from experience that alcohol does make you do and say things you would not do when sober. I've woken up a few times years ago, unable to remember what I'd done or where I'd been. It is a horrendous thought to know you've had so much alcohol, you don't even know what day it is.

    I would make phone calls, arrange things, appointments with financial advisors who would then turn up at the door and my family would have to make excuses and say I was ill. You are certainly not alone in having blackouts. I used to attend an alcohol support group and was so shocked at what people had done whilst drunk, that it gave me an incentive to stop and take control of my life and the effect it was having on me and my family.

    As you don't like going out, does your brother still buy your alcohol? Sorry, but I didn't realise you had a partner. Is he too a drinker? You're in a very difficult situation as your carer should be helping and caring for you, but seems to do the complete opposite of what he should be doing. He's enabling you to drink such large amounts regularly.

    I would seriously consider a different carer, although am unsure where or how your partner fits into your home life. The only other thing I can suggest is you consider rehab as an inpatient. That way you are free from outside influences and can focus solely on you, without temptation from other drinkers who seem to almost enjoy taunting you with alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant and continuing drinking at such high levels is bound to have repercussions on your anxiety and depression.

    My advice, although I'm no medic would be to go back to your GP, explain your home life and how much you're drinking and say you need detox, but as an inpatient.

    good luck. You're not on your own, people on this forum alone, care about you and want to help and support you. Whatever you do, please don't just stop or try to stop your alcohol intake without medical help. Try and drink a little less each day. Please let us know how you're doing and what you've decided to do.

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  • Posted

    You are not alone..

     The many on this support site are here for u any time day or night. JUST ASK ????

    its probably time u see a rehab specialist. Checkin for awhile before something worse happens. 

    And it could. Someone tried to kill my son while he was in a blackout stage. He was on life support for weeks. I went to see him, he almost died. He did survive went thru hell to get better. Two months in the hospital. And rehab.he has slipped over and over. Some just never find what they r looking for sobriety. PTSD & anxiety are the two no. 1 reasons alcohol can be addictive & that is to self medicate. 

    I hope and pray you will learn why u drink, and what UR triggers r . Rehab will help u with detox and help u learn why u drink...

    see related information under the new discussions box to the right of this page. Has a lot of helpful information.

    alcohol controls the mind, body spirit .  Take the power away from alcohol take u life back become powerful with the understanding what alcohol really can do to you, UR family and friends.

    My son started drinking as a teen and has gradually lost everything but the shirt on his back. DUI, half his life in jail, in denial, and I miss him sooo much. My heart aches for him because I know he is in so much pain. 

    Take the time to remember that u r important to many in UR life and how much hurt is festering due to the addiction u have to alcohol. Y can fix this I know u have the strength to . Ask UR doc for help and referals and go to rehab for urself. U deserve a better life. Life is a GIFT,

    HOPE4CURE

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    • Posted

      Hi  I have just read your story about your son it makes me so sad that you feel like this and the rest of the family don't care about your son it makes me feel I have a lot to be grateful  for I have two sons that I love dearly one that's in university  the other maried and I have two wonderful  grandchildren I know that if I don't find soberbility  I could lose  all of them that would destroy me I have decided to go into rehab which I am in the process  of going in I have a apoiñtment  with them on the 30th Dec I  know my home life has to change to I have got a lot of hard  decision  to make regarding that I know I can't come bk to my home situation  as it is now I  send you a lot of love your way and hope one day your son returns to you hugs xx
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    • Posted

      jsvkie

      Am so pleased that you've decided to give rehab a go, and also that you've realised that your home situation, as it is now, is detrimental to your sobriety.

      Please don't keep looking back on what could have happened to you on the night you stormed out. Look at the positives (you probably don't think there are any!) You got home ok and nothing really terrible happened. I know it's frightening to keep thinking "what if ect" but you need to draw a line under that night and move ahead a bit.

      youve done really well in sorting out rehab and realising that you need help to keep you away from alcohol. I had a choice of choosing alcohol or family and am so glad I chose my family.

      as you say, you've two lovely grandchildren who you love and other kids as well. You also realise that by continuing to drink, alcohol will eventually, if not already, have a detrimental effect on your relationship with you're family, especially you're grandchildren. My son told me "carry on drinking and you won't see him or his son again. Simple decision mum, drink or us. Think about it and let me know what choice you've made"

      i didnt need need to think about it. Obviously I chose family. I hope you make the same choice. In a way I suppose I was lucky, I ditched alcohol before it ruined me physically, and mentally. I can't say it was easy and I had several relapses. I was drinking to stop feeling so anxious and to give me confidence. Unfortunately one glass of wine suddenly turns into 1 or 2 bottles. You've done the hardest bit in recognising your problem, making important decisions about rehab and not being in denial, so look at that as being positive, and try not to keep dwelling on the past. I know that sounds easier said than done, but try and focus on 2015 being a new start, a new life and most of all please do it for yourself. You've got support on this forum whenever you want, so please stay in touch. Good luck.

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