Blown it!

First of all, you didn't "blow" anything.  You were honest with a professional who is who you should be able to share any deepest, darkest feelings with.  I thought I did the wrong thing sharing with all of my Drs, but we can't heal until we unleash the beasts inside of us to someone who should be your therapist.  Why do you feel so bad?

I thought that going into detail would be good for a counsellor to listen to, the more detail,the better understanding, is what I'd think, but that counselling ""talking one-on-one"'" isn't for me, as I used to talk, go into my past, get into details, and it'd set me off, real bad internal anger, rage, flashbacks, so I didn't like it, it sounds like ""my opinion"" your counsellor isn't good at listening, and listening is a big part of a counsellor job, So I'd look for a new one, But don't just go off what I say, as it's only what I know, been through, wait for someone else, they might say something different, better advice for you,than what I can say to you, And I'm sorry for what you going through.

You definitely need a new counselor.  Look for one who specializes in trauma therapy.  

Therapy does make you mad and sick and angry - it should.  Your PTSD is caused by all of that repressed fear and anger, which you are justly entitled to.  The more you go to a therapist - if she's good - the less those things should hurt you, but walking into a good counselor's office is still nerve-racking.

My advice: tell your counselor how upset you are when you leave counselling, and how much it messes up your life.  My counselor didn't realize it was a problem, and when I told her, immediately taught me mindfulness techniques and ways to deal with the stress.  She also changed her tactics. 

Also, now you KNOW how badly it affects you - set a routine.  I always walked up to the icecream shop after therapy - it was my reward.  It got me back to feeling ok-ish, and then I went to lunch, and then to the coffee shop to work.  That routine calmed me down and got me back to normal.  NEVER schedule trauma therapy on a day that's important to you.  You're dealing with serious s**t.  Don't let yourself be rushed to get better.  You deserve all day to recover from reliving rape.  

I made the mistake of scheduling therapy on date night once, and cancelled the whole thing, bc for obvious reasons, I didn't feel like it.  I also was s**t at my sister's birthday party.  And spent all of my birthday worried bc I had one of my first therapy sessions the day after.  After that, I finally realized not to schedule therapy on good days!  Keep your treatment separate from the things that make you happy, and if you have to schedule that next appointment for two weeks from today instead of a week to avoid a birthday or anniversary, do it!

Also, make your husband make up your anniversary to you, or vice versa.  You still deserve a celebration.  Just tell him you were all upset from counseling, and you really need this.  (Sometimes the best anniversaries are the make-up ones, where there's no money left for anything fancy so you just snuggle on the sofa drinking and making out.)

Hi people, I have put a different post on another page so hope someone will read one of these. Just a quick update to let you know that the session I had this week made me think 'should I see this counsellor any more'? I needed assault counselling but was psychoanalysis instead. Should I go back? Should I go elsewhere? I feel really lost and confused! Please help, what would you do?