Borderline personality disorder

bipolar is a mixture of feeling low and having high manic episodes. YOu will find he will go off on a tangent in conversation when on a high,so be patient and when he is low he will  probably be antisocial and not want to go out.

Just try and be patient and understanding but prepared to correct when he is on his highs.

rich

It was good to read your blog on here but do not worry if your husband has been given a care plan that is good practice, I always had a care plan to follow.  I began my journey just after I got married in 1966.  In those days I was put Lithium and I also had 3 babies within five years which complicated things as I suffered post=natal depression.

Like a lot of us suffering with Bi-Polar, our mood swings are up and down and when they are up we tend to think we can conquer the world and immediately come off all our meds telling ourselves "I am not ill, I feel great!  This was a mistake which I repeated numerous times over the years because after every high comes the dreaded low which it took me many years of depression, before the penny dropped.  A few years ago I decided I did not want my high moods to be flattened by Lithium or Depakote so I asked them to just treat my depression and thankfully after much research and joining a Bi Polar self help group I sensibly remain on mitrazapene  antidepressant at night and Effexor in the morning and this seems to be a good combination for me and at last I have accepted that I must remain on meds all my life (I am now 73 years old) and can honestly say I feel really good apart from my body is now falling apart, as I have had one hip replacement and awaiting another, but I am managing ok, there is nothng worse than untreated depression.  Hope this helps, dont despair but encourage your husband to take part in his PLAN which is a two way input by your husband and the Mental Health Team,  Good luck micky

Hi Micky,

I have 2 family members diagnosed with BPD. They behave a lot like Manic Depressives. The main difference is they fight with people and get really nasty and horrible when they are on a 'high' mood, and then when they drop to depressed mood, they suffer guilt and self condemnation.

They can be volatile and easily angered, and of course unpredicatable.

I don't know if those are the 'typical' symptoms or not, I'm just telling you that's how these two are.

Both have managed to remain married as they are both lucky to have very patient long sufferring spouses. Only you can decide if you want to stick around or not. Either you feel your love and marriage is worth the struggle or you feel you can't deal with it. No one can make that choice for you. I so wish I could help you and hold your hand through it. Maybe you can find someone closer to where you live who could be your rock and anchor, and then it will be easier for you to cope with your husband? I'm always pro remaining in your marriage unless it is completely and totally unbearable. But that's just my opinion.

Best of luck, and I hope the program helps him heal.

Well, my guess is stay with him through these 3 years and then decide, but get therapy or help or 'self-help' education for yourself now too, so you learn how to respond in ways that are helpful to the situation rather than reacting to his 'bad' spells in ways that could make him temporarily worse. I guess I'm saying you need to also become one of his therapists in a way, remaining calm, objective, patient, understanding and so on. It will be so very worth the huge sacrifice you make in time, effort and trouble you'll need to go through, because none of that learning will be wasted, all of it will help you in other ways too, and your own life will so drastically improved at the end of it :D

Most importantly, you will helping the man you love, and he needs you to, and will end up in a very happy marriage for yourself as well as him.

I hope this is good advice. I'd hate to make things worse with my opinion! LOL

I worded my last reply badly! I meant to say the 12 steps program for victims of alcoholics is also brilliant training full of helpful insights and ways to preserve ones self, especially when one is the victim of someone abusive or manipulative in their family. This includes someone in your family being an alcoholic, or a drug addict, or a person with a mental disorder that is manipulative or abusive. It teaches you how to cope with them and preserve your self in the midst of it. There are a few brilliant books out there too such as:

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, by Stephen Covey

The 4 Agreements, by Don Migel Ruiz

Help! I'm Going Crazy! by Terri Ann Laws (PS, This one is harder to find but BRILLIANT)

And dozens more. Maybe others can suggest a few.

This will help you save yourself and help make sure you don't end up with yet another abusive partner after leaving the last one.

 

I have bpd and I think the best place to start would be to get to educate yourself as much as possible try www.emergenceplus.org.uk for more information. There is a lot of stigma and as you say misconceptions surrounding this disorder but bpd is a treatable condition and he can get better. There are therapies such as DBT (dialectical behavior therapy) schema therapy, CBT and CAT that are known to work. Medication is usually prescribed in conjuction if there is a concurrent mental health related issue such as Depression, Anxiety etc. Unfortunately there is no specific drugs for bpd but there are some that can help with the symptoms such as impulsivess and the mood swings. A lot of the recovery comes down to lifestyle and routine, there is a good book I recommend called The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide: Everything You need To Know about BPD by Alexander Chapman. And also Coping With BPD how to soothe symptoms which your partner might find helpful, the book draws upon DBT and CBT strategies to manage. I hope this helps.

Hi Micky

I know u have posted this months ago. I only just joined this group. I have recently been diagnosed with BPD and bipolar and let me tell u IT'S HARD. Some days I hate everyone including my husband and children. Some days I try and sabotage my marriage cause I can't accept that my husband loves me and I try and push him away cause I'm scared he's gonna hurt me. Some days I don't know how I feel or what I want I just know that everything is wrong. But the one thing I do know is from the bottom of my heart I love my husband and children. They mean the world to me and would be devastated if he left.... but at the same time i wouldn't blame him. Living with this illness is hard for everyone and i feel for u being the partner of a BPD sufferer. I know my husband cops it bad and there's nothing the real me can do except try and make it up to him when I'm feeling ok. But the guilt from mistreating him is eating me alive.... on the days that i care

Hi Micky36125

Sorry to hear you're going through a tough time.

I was diagnosed with BPD 10 years ago. The best way I can describe it is a rollercoaster, you could be doing fine for a month and then, maybe someone does something minor that you take personally and you spiral down (sometimes its for no reason at all - or seems like that!)

I have always struggled with people leaving - even just being left on my own if the others in the house are just popping out for dinner. But therapy helps you find coping mechanisms to get through this. I still have very 'intense' relationships with people (not just partners, but friends and family too) where it feels like if they were to leave I wouldn't be able to carry on.

But, as I said, I've had it for 10 years now and am still here. I'm not sure if its something you can completely recover from (although would love to hear if others have?) Its more like an ongoing battle where the lows get less and further apart.

All I can say is, just being there for your husband is great. YOU can't cure this, so don't feel disappointed with set backs and stuff, just be there for him, listen, and let him know he can lean on you for support.

Reading up about BPD is a good idea, but don't take everything you read as fact, everyone experiences it differently, same as depression - people display different symptoms and feel and think differently so sure, read up about it, but don't let it scare you!!

Hope this helps in some way, and am here if you have any questions xoxo