Borderline personality Disorder -am I fine, or not?

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Ok, feeling out of control this weekend. Blamed it on citalopram and havent taken it for 2 nights.

Ive been doing a lot of reading ( perhaps a bad idea) into the above. Now, I know that I dont like pigeon-holing etc-but I answered all 9 questions in this diagnostoc test thing, to a \"Yes\". The one major symptom which I have is the empty/bored feeling, The intense anger, irritability, and the odd urges to make myself feel alive. Substance abuse, the good and the bad. Maybe as i am older now there are less baddies than goodies-buts that true to say, as a simpleton, this all seems to fit. The low self esteem, feelings of being unworthy ( constantly) and lack of confidence, all my life. One thing though is due to me bouncing from I love them hate them thing...I dont fear abndonment-or maybe I do as rejection is a big thing for me.

When I was in playschool, the nursery nurses rang my mum and said I was socially inept, was finding it difficult to \"fit in\". My parents had to change me, and put me in a nursery. I still didnt seem to \"fit in\"but made friends with the doens syndrme kids as they had innocense and I could trust them.

These days, and by the looks of things , no one seems to be worried about this, I think its all apart of my package. Thiis isnt just anxiety-theres more. Perhaps it all stems from the strange relationship I have with my mum-its a total\"Love hate thing with her\" always has been and even the fact iI striuggle with sentence structure/grammar the whole package fits. Have I gone crazy? No, Ive just been this way all my life. A few yeasrs ago their was no name for this, and perhaps I am just shy. Another thing is I totally get that yearning to be loved thing.

My mum, is like me, my youngest is like me and we both have the same toe disformation. I am no Brainiac or medical student ( thank goodness I hear you all cry) but I think there must be a link somesort of genetic thing there. I also totally understand my daughters behaviour sometimes.That has made me feel les alone.

But am I right about this-or gone of the mountain?

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    OmG-so not good, so down now. tried to get to the post office /post box. Got stuck so stuck..Iam now a tree hugger...Thats it confirmed...months of lampost hugging tre huggng hyprerventiliating and so forth and I go and do something stupid , lik edont take your medication p--Youll feel better..Sorry I am angry with myself now and going to go sleep. What an idiot!!!!!!A neighbour crossed me across the road, laughed art me, and I was laughing by this time thinking this is really stupid!!!!! Then i got stuck on a the time I got home al of 5 mins ago, I was a mess, by that time a polish man had come out of his flat and helped. This is getting ridiculous, but hey I ve met a few helpful friendly people on the way so erm,,,,ladies its an interesting pulling trechnique, when the tears dont roll and you sniffle back the snort. Sorry, but I didintrreally realise how much this pill helped me,Im just going to have to grim and bare that sinus pain and spots.I wish someone would talk to me, im feeling really lonely. and see when trhe ambulance drove past I though ...Omg, ive been caught, but it was ok, they drove past phew!!!!!
  • Posted

    Hi BG, :lol:

    Tv is boring and I daren't go up to bed.

    What you doing apart from tree hugging.

    I feel a little better today, not low but in my worrying frame of mind what did i do wrong at work last week. :cry:

    I think I need to find a hobby to keep me occupied now that the kids are off doing there own things.

    What sort of hobbies can you think of that are cheap.


  • Posted

    Bad Girl how you feeling now?? are you back on the meds? I really hope you manage to find some time to relax in the next day or two.

    Hi Lizy, can't think of any cheap hobbies! maybe going for walks? do you have a dog? I've been going swimming recently and I can't wait till all the kids go back to school so I can get a lengthor two in without getting dive bombed by a seven year old!!

    Generally keeping busy has been my way of escaping my thoughts over the last week. I cant never tell if that's a good or a bad thing though. I can't stand being on my own for too long and I guess I'll have to be able to eventually!

  • Posted

    Hi Lizzy and Laura. Yes, Ive stopped my nonsense and started back on the cit. But again my sinuses are clamping up, as though someone has grabbed my nose and shoved in a techi class teachers vice, and then I panic as i cant get breath! Its as though my oxygen supply has been cut.

    Anyway, not been out alone for a walk yet. This is bizaree, whenn people are around me.sometimes Im argh!!! ( Back off) and then when no ones around me, im lik\" where is everyone?????

    Ive not taken up hobbies lately. i dont like swimming as I am really self conscious of my bits, and also ( maybe I shouldnt) but was told people pee in the water, so I dont do that)I get too self conscious doing sports around other people , mainly because I am clumsy and probably because the way I felt in school etc.

    On the upside, Ive manage to get the children to school, Ive been spending more time with the younger one, and weve manage to play FUN games-Im always naughty though. She finds it hysterical!!!!On the downside, I am inclined to agree with lizy-I personally think we as part of a socalled democratic nation should protest about the nonsense we have to watch on the makes my flat screen useless, and my tv license bill mundane, and an imptractical waist of oxygen resources :roll: Okay, Im away for some olbas oil!!!!!



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