Borderline personality disorder HELP

Posted , 4 users are following.

I was diagnosed with BPD 6 months ago. Therapy has helped a lot, but now I feel like it takes the smallest thing to set me off.

No one understands and I try to explain why I over think, get upset over silly things. I go into 'a zone' where everything seems much worse than it is, what could be the simplest thing like a friend not answering the phone or my boyfriend not texting me back because he's busy or whatever sets me into

A - panic mode (something terrible has happened. Car crash for example)  

B -Self blame (I've done something, I must have done something to upset them then onto "they're better off without me anyway" "Id be better on my own anyway "

Or C -Can't deal mode (they're idiots!! How dare they!!)

It is crippling, I feel so overwhelmed with emotions and I can't handle it. It makes me feel so lost, depressed and sometimes I think "what is the point"

I feel so lonely and I know my friends/family/boyfriend/colleagues try to understand but they never fully will understand.

Is this normal?? What can I do?? 

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Rebecca please don't give up because all is not lost; and just know that you are not the only one dealing with this. My family believes that I am completely crazy, I lost my job, and thank God I still have a few friends. It is important to take your meds, and try to take them at the same time every day. Also, I have found out that the more I focus on Jesus and His teachings, I am more relaxed and a whole lot less irritated. I know that my mind is messed up, so I practice using His mind. I am praying for you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Rebecca,

    I can only say how sorry I am for the way you feel. Your post struck a cord with me. First off, yes, it's normal, others do have these thoughts (phew sigh of relief). Some people just dont vocalise what they are thinking. That's not to generalise and say that everyone has these thoughts as there are others who can't relate at all.

    You must be drained and exhausted living with this kind of hypervigelance. Over thinking over a long period of time not only becomes part of our life, it debilitates us from having a nice one.

    Panic - may be underlying fear of being happy due to past events. It can be as simple as selective perception i.e. you feel happy, then something negative happens. If it continues long-term, we begin to associate happy with negative, we then expect the negative and panic that it will be inevitable.

    Self blame - is so awful, it is self abuse at its worst. None of us are perfect and we can all be self critical though deep self blame comes from a place of striving for perfection which is totally exhausting.

    Can't deal - this is when we protect against hurt, detaching yourself/ self soothing. The 'how dare they' 'they're idiot's' is overcompensating the detachment i.e. reasoning with yourself that your descision not to deal is right.

    I have a thought you may know this already.

    I so understand, though to others it's viewed as too analytical, too deep even paranoid. What I've found is that no one fully gets who we are, they don't live in our heads and we in turn don't live in theirs. It is frustrating though at one point, a breakthrough happens when someone else gets it. Psychologists that have studied this behaviour and some don't have these types of thoughts/behaviours and yet can help that's something.

    I'm unsure if you are having therapy though there is Schema therapy which is specifically designed for these thoughts and the triggers behind them, it deals with the past and the present and delivers real understanding of ourselves and the reasoning behind the pain.

    Be easy on yourself and let me know how you are doing.

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  • Posted

    Hiya, I have also got BPD it is a very difficult diagnosis to live with. It is very normal to have the thoughts and feelings you have. I know that every day is a battle, I tend to use distraction to focus my mind on something else and if I ever feel really bad I go and see my gp who has been really good. I know how hard things can get and even now I have days when my moods are up and down like a yo yo.
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    • Posted

      Hi Rebecca,

      It is extremely difficult to live with but I'm glad what I'm dealing with is "normal".

      What distractions do you use? How does your diagnosis effect your life? Relationships, jobs, etc? 

      Pm me if you would like to!! 

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  • Posted

    Hi, I tend to go for walks with my dog as he gives me a purpose for living, I love watching movies. I play games on my tablet but there are times when I find doing these things really hard. I will sometimes go on a cleaning frenzy. It's a case of finding something to focus your mind on to try to give yourself some breathing space from all the mood swings thoughts and feelings that BPD brings to us on a daily basis. These are just some of my ways of getting through each day and if I feel like a bit of company I would go and see my friend just to have a catch up with her. So for me depending on how I'm feeling depends on which distraction I'll use.

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