Bored with life
Posted , 4 users are following.
I'm 18 years old, in my final year of high school and to be honest, i have a pretty boring life. I am anti social although i have 2 friends, but they are very social and outgoing so i'm like the silent one in the group. I do sports (rugby) which doesn't make me more social although it's a team sport. Anyhow, i've never really enjoyed life in general and i have nothing to look forward to, as my grades are poor and i'm not sure i'll even go to college.
I've had a decent upbringing, but i'm sure i'm kind of a disappointment to my mom and my uncle (my mother and father got divorced when i was 10 months old) so i don't know my father at all. My mom works in another town so i've been living with my uncle for the past 7 years. I don't really get along with the rest of my family, but i don't care.
Some days i just feel very down and just feel like dying. I'd probably never commit suicide ( i've thought about it many times) because of my Christianity. I don't think i have depression or anything i know of accept from yhe fact that i hate going out and trying to be social. Another thing is i have anger issues from time to time, i lose my temper very easily and can't handle defeat very well. Even the smallest things like playing video games, when i get beaten i lose my temper and have the tendency to swear and hit something and then for the next hour everything irritates me and i get the feeling of destroying everything that bothers me (i've never actually hit a person before and i'm glad about that). Anyhow, life seems to make less sense to me as the days keep coming and i know i'll probably end up a sad and lonely old man one day, thats if i ever get a job lol.
Any advice would be appreciated and thanks for reading!
0 likes, 10 replies
borderriever Henri02
Posted
You seem to have been in a fractured home with your Mother feeling you would be better in Male company, hence living with your Uncle.
My family seemed fractured as my Mother admitted after I reached ten when my Mother became expectant, twice and all she had done enough for me and passed me on to a Surrogate family where I seemed to spend much of my time. I did however spend most my nights at the family home.
You need not to dwell on the past and how you find your life now, you need to begin making a new life and understand only you can make your own happiness.
If you are living in the UK at eighteen you are now an adult and I suppose the family life you have now may soon end especially if your Wards are wanting you out and see you look for your future oppertunities and activities.
You say you are bored, could you not take time out and travel for a time, of course you will need finances for that, you could try and discuss that form of activity.
Travelling is a great leveller as you will need to make your own decisions and look after your own interests. In my case all the countries have either been at war or now wanting to cause WW3.
I would not really suggest any other form of activity although looking for work may be a good idea, use the wage for a College Course that will light that awaiting fire to launch you on your way. if your family finds it is unable to sponcer you.
I bottled out of my further education and eventually I became an engineer, eventually I was medically retired. You need to understand life will always throw curved balls and you will need to stand on your own feet. So you need to consider what you really want. You have around sixty years to work so you need to sit down and work out your way foreward.
I got engaged and my family hated her, it was the beginning of years of control where I was expected to conceed all to a hateful family, if you find yourself there run to the hills and make your own way.
Yes I can understand your anger and you will need to be able to control that in the very near future as Adults look upon that problem as coming from a immature young man and will just leave you to your own devices.
Work on your interests, you sound low so discuss that with your GP, when it comes to future events you will need to talk to those adults around you and take all under advisement.
When it comes to being a sad and lonely old man, I am entering that now and all I can really say there is nowhere you can go for a free lunch, possibly of course the Salvation Army can help there.
You do not need to find a ob straight away you like, however over the future years enjoy all you are going to experience
BOB
Henri02 borderriever
Posted
It was my own decision to stay in my current town, because i didn't want to change schools, my mom accepted it and from then on, i stayed with my uncle. I visit my mother every holiday and on special ocasions. Travel is not really an option after school as my family is working class and the finances are a problem, the money i do have (which i inherrited from my grandfather) i'll use to at least get myself a car next year. My uncle will be able to fund me if i decide to go to college. Maybe i'll start slow, re-do some subjects and join a small college. My mom and uncle will always support me in my future ventures i guess, i just hope i won't disappoint them. Yeah as i said, my mom and uncle have always taken good care of me. What bothers me the most is that this boring and sometimes depressed life will continue the rest of my life. Number 1 being my bad grades and number 2 being my anti socialism and i know i'll never become more social as i don't like socialising in general and the way others socialize is pathetic...making bad jokes fake laughter, and of course everyone looks at your popularity, physique and if you're not popular, or "well built" you don't fit in. But i don't really care about others, i love being alone and occasionally hanging with my two mates.
borderriever Henri02
Posted
You have two friends and you have a supportive dynamic family that will help you. All I can advise is you talk to your family doctor and explain how you feel. My life was very different to yours it is from that I was concerned for you.
There are treatments for anger management although I gather you are not in the UK. so treatments can be different in various other countries.
BOB
Henri02 borderriever
Posted
One of my friends are off to university next year, meaning the end of the friendship as we'll seldomly see each other and my other friend will most probably leave to work in the city. Yeah i live in South Africa and in my town the doctors are not quite qualified enough to sit down and speak with, sure they may help, but to sit down and discuss with them will be out of the ordinary around here. I'm not a talker so i doubt it'll help me. Besides i suppose i dug my own grave, i should've studied more, socialized more when i were in primary school. I'll just have to brace myself for a boring and alone life, the thing is that its going to become too much one day and i just hope i'll be able to cope with that
borderriever Henri02
Posted
There is no reason you should loose contact with your friends as they begin to find their place in Society.
Whatever you may feel your family doctor should be able to refer you, ask and see if that is possible, you need to talk and begin to understand the world is out there for you to try and make something out of it for your future.
You are bound to at least meet someone who wants to spend Her Life with you, your life is just beginning you just need help in changing your outlook to life.
Have you taken your final examinations for Winter symestor, is there anything you could try. It never works to be like a rabbit with its eyes caught in the blaze of the car lights, you need to find ways to move on.
Talk with your Mother and Uncle, they will help and support you
BOB
Henri02 borderriever
Posted
I will try to keep in contact with my friends, but as i said before, they are social people themselves and will easily make new friends. I have no experience in socializing, especially with girls , maybe i have to go to the gym and build some muscle, then i would get noticed and might get a girl lol, thats how society is nowadays. I always got very good grades without studying and when i entered high school, schoolwork became more difficult and yet i didn' t study and now i'm here and to start studying now, all of the work in every subject, is impossible and its going to be very stressful. My final exams are aproaching and i'll probably JUST make it through
laurie82758 Henri02
Posted
You're 18. By the age of forteen, I was sticking my fingers in light sockets.
If your Christianity is real, then it may help you.
About the anger. Yep. It is normal it's just that three generations of young men haven't had an identifiable enemy that it was OK to shoot.
You have a choice, up or down. You choose how much a video game affects you. You have a choice about what conversations you join. Likewise, if the people you are trying to speak with are boring, then you need to find people who will stretch your verbal skills. Avoid, like the plague a diagnosis of 'Depression'. Do anything possible now to be a bit more outgoing. Kick your own arse when you get unreasonably angry.. Find things that interest you and people who like the same things.
My Son is a computer whizz kid. He sorts out viruses etc. His mates are nearly all monosylabic but they have a group and that group buoys them up.
It really is great to be needed or to be involved in a mutually helpful relationship;
I sat in an old Cromwellian Church today, crying because I couldn't take the pain of a relationship break up. God was out,
Henri02 laurie82758
Posted
Yes, whenever i feel really down some days, i do pray and find comfort in the fact that God is listening and will provide of i do my part, but "doing my part" feels too much sometimes, as it contadictory to my personality and its obviously not easy.
I like socializing with my friends only and i appreciate their company, they're not boring, my life itself is boring. To find new friends from next year on will be difficult, because my current friends are all going their separate ways next year. Although i love being alone now, i know its going to become very lonely when i get older and who knows where i'll be, hopefully not in a shack on the streets
gill73026 Henri02
Posted
Henri02 gill73026
Posted
My mother and uncle are supportive, i just sometimes feel i don't really live up to their expectations and that of course bothers me. Yeah i've found exercising to be a good way of dealing with unnecessary anger, i hope i can learn to get past it aswell over the years. I guess i'm just taking life day by day at the moment, i can't change my personality so i'll just see where life takes me.